Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Two Thingies of DOOM ❯ And Now For Something Completely Different… ( Chapter 15 )

Chapter Fifteen: And Now For Something Completely Different…

[The camera shows WW Link, his rangers, and his three prisoners heading towards the Mystic Ruins. The camera changes to show everyone inside the city. A few Rangers run up to WW Link (or down to since he's so short! Don't worry, my lame attempt at humor has ended) and start to talk to him, as the battle rages around them.]

Ranger Guy: Sir! The Orcs control the Western shore!

WW Link: Huh.

Ranger Guy: (Starting to freak out) THE WESTERN SHORE! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND WHATS GOING ON?!

WW Link: Well, yeah.

Ranger Guy: (Really spazzing out) WESTERN SHORE! WESTERN SHORE!

[Ranger Guy falls on the ground and starts twitching crazily.]

WW Link: That's just sad. You! (points to a random Ranger) Bring these three to my father. Tell him that I send a…one of those…whaddayacallits…a…uh…

Ranger Guy 2: A gift?

WW Link: NO YOU IDIOT! NOT A GIFT! Wait…yeah, a gift.

Tails: WAIT! Don't! You don't understand! The thing is evil!

WW Link: Ignore the mutant! He's a bit…not right in the head!

Tails: I'm not retarded! SPECIAL! IS IT THAT HARD FOR YOU GUYS TO SAY SPECIAL?!

WW Link: Yes. Yes it is.

[The camera pans to Sonic's face. He's dozing off. A stick from off-screen pokes Sonic and wakes him up.]

Sonic: (Trying to sound creepy, but failing) They're here!

WW Link: Who? Who's here?

Sonic: The…(long pause)…Nazgul.

WW Link: Oh crap.

[The screeching of the Fell Beasts fills the air as Boris and 47 fly over the Mystic Ruins.]

47: It is so cold flying on these things. It's like their made of ice.

Boris: Well, I think their warm.

47: OF COURSE YOU DO! YOU'RE RUSSIAN! YOUR BLOOD IS LIKE 90 FREAKING PERCENT VODKA!

Boris: Pansy…

47: You can say that to Arthas all you want, but I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT! CALL ME PANSY AGAIN AND I WILL PERMANENTLY SEPARATE YOU FROM ALL YOUR MAJOR APPENDAGES!

Boris: Sorry. *Cough* PANSY *Cough*.

47: Did you say something?

Boris: No.

47: Good.

[As the Nazgul continue to circle over head, the camera pans to WW Link and the others.]

WW Link: Try and kill them! DO something you incompetent bastards!

[Sonic, Tails, and Omochao2 sneak away from the Rangers and hide behind a wall.]

Sonic: Ok, this is getting annoying…it's like these guys are stalking us!

Tails: Oh my goodness…did you just realize this now?

Sonic: Yep.

Tails: You…you…IDIOT! YOU REDEFINE STUPIDITY! WHY ARE YOU THE MAIN CHARACTER? IT SHOULD BE ME! ME!

Omochao2: Shut it Fox Freak.

[As Tails attempts to stop himself from crying, Sonic starts to walk up a pair of stairs towards the top of a damaged building.]

Tails: Sonic? Where are you going?

[Sonic walks up to the center of the building. He holds out the Ring. The Nazgûl swerve and head right for him. Sonic starts to slip the Ring on. Agent 47 reaches for the Ring. Tails, seeing what is about to happen, runs towards Sonic, trips, and falls headfirst into some dead guy's sword.]

Tails: MOTHU- [Censored] GOD DAMN [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] [Censored]. FREAKING [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] YOU [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] SONIC [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] AMY'S [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] ROUGE [Censored] [Censored] KNUCKLES [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] AND I'M STUCK WITH [Censored] SONIC [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] RETARD [Censored] [Censored] [Censored]!!

[Dead silence falls across the battlefield. Sonic drops the Ring on the ground. 47 and Boris turn to look at Tails. Slowly, everyone turns to look at Tails. Tails looks around innocently at the crowd.]

Tails: Sorry! Kinda' lost control there. Won't happen again.

WW Link: Jesus, do you have a foul mouth…

Sonic: I…wow.

47: I didn't need to hear that.

Boris: Huh? 47! What's a [Censored] [Censored]?

47: That's when you [Censored] [Censored] [Censored]. I think…

Boris: Let's go ask Big.

[The Nazgul fly away and head back towards Mordor. Sonic runs down the stairs and kicks Tails.]

Sonic: WHAT WAS THAT? YOU JUST INSULTED ME! A LOT! BEYOND ALL REASON! I SHOULD SKIN YOU ALIVE FOR WHAT YOU SAID!

Tails: (Trying to hypnotize Sonic) I didn't say anything…

Sonic: Really? So all the swearing was just in my imagination?

Tails: Sure.

[WW Link walks up to them.]

WW Link: YOU FOUL MOUTHED PIG! I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE RING! IT IS NOT WORTH WHAT YOU JUST SAID! YOU HAVE PERMANENTLY CORRUPTED MY INNOCENT EARS!

Sonic: You know that your ears are pointy, right?

WW Link: THAT'S IT! YOU (points to Sonic) ARE AN IDIOT! AND YOU (points to Tails) ARE THE SINGLE MOST VULGAR THING TO EVER HAVE LIVED! GO AWAY! GO TO MORDOR! SEE IF I GIVE A [Censored]. Oh poop. I just swore. I hope editing catches that.

[Sonic, Tails, and Omochao2 wander off towards Mordor.]