Tsubasa Chronicle Fan Fiction ❯ Whispered Scars ❯ Chapter 3
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: hentaimonkey 
Anime/Manga: Tsubasa Chronicle Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Angst / Shounen | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 01.31.2006 | Pages: 1 | Words: 1.7K | Visits: 569 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Tsubasa Chronicle Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Angst / Shounen | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 01.31.2006 | Pages: 1 | Words: 1.7K | Visits: 569 | Status: Completed
all, all he’d ever really wanted was to be swept away by his lover.
Fai jumped at the sound of a hard knocking on the wood separating him from the other man, the man he’d fallen for. “Look, I’m sorry if it hurt to talk about it, but you’ll feel better after a good cry. Trust me, I know.”
“You’ve never cried,” Fai answered in a spiteful tone.
“You’d be surprised. When you’re ready to see me again, I’ll be in the room.”
“I won’t be too long. So don’t worry about me. I’m fine!” Fai answered in a cheerful voice.
“Shut up liar!” Kurogane growled, his voice a little softer, as though he had moved away from the door.
Fai sighed, sliding further down the door. He couldn’t do this. He didn’t have the patience needed to be happy, he couldn’t pretend, not right now. Sighing heavily, he looked up, letting the hot tears that leaked unwanted run down his face and into the hollows of his ears. Kurogane had done a lot of damage and hurt him. He couldn’t just immediately recover from that, no matter how strong he was. Or how strong he pretended to be.
Standing slowly, he wiped his face with the towel from his body, standing naked in the solitude of the bathroom. He didn’t have to see Kurogane and he didn’t have to hide his scars in the bathroom, he could pretend they didn’t exist and that he was something whole and perfect to present to Kurogane. He wished to be worthy of giving something of himself to the ninja who gave of himself everyday.
He dressed slowly, trying to ignore the pain that danced in his body. He knew what it was like to constantly ignore the pain. To pretend that nothing was ever wrong. But somehow, something in Kurogane’s touches, in his whispered words, he’d been unnerved, undone.
Satisfied that it wasn’t showing, Fai tightened the collar around his shirt and smiled at himself in the mirror. He was a very pretty man and in his long, high-necked sleeping clothes, he looked formidable. Satisfied that he was as neat looking as he would be, he trudged slowly from the bathroom, his face smiling, hiding all hints of the tears that had poured relentlessly from his eyes just minutes before. He was an excellent pretender.
But no amount of practice would have helped him keep his composure as when he stepped from the bathroom and walked slowly, gracefully into their shared bedroom, Kurogane was sitting in the same chair as before, stripped to the waist. He had his eyes closed as though he were meditating and when he heard Fai’s soft movements in the room, he blinked his crimson eyes open and smiled softly. He gestured silently for the wizard to move forward and join him, sitting as before in his lap.
“Kuro-chan,” Fai teased softly, a hint of teasing playfulness in his voice as he rolled forward in his amazingly graceful saunter. “I didn’t know you liked me so much.”
“You never were quiet long enough for me to tell you,” Kurogane answered softly, bowing his head in embarrassment, trying to hide the fact that he was blushing rather plainly.
Fai took his place in Kurogane’s lap and tried not to sigh in fear as he felt the ninja raise his hands to wrap around Fai’s body. “You know, I’m not tired anymore,” he smiled widely, turning his wide blue eyes to Kurogane’s thin crimson eyes.
“I want you to sit here with me, in the quiet, while I meditate,” Kurogane whispered softly. “Meditation is good for the soul. It helps clear your mind so that you can think clearly,” Kurogane explained softly.
“I’ve never meditated before.”
“I know. The more often you meditate, the quieter you are as a person, preferring the silence you’ve learned from your meditating.”
“And you meditate often?”
“I try for nearly three times a day. There are times when you can be very trying,” Kurogane smiled, his teeth flashing as he winked and placed a kiss to Fai’s cheek. “Since you’ve never done this before, we’ll start you with something very easy. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing. When you’ve gotten a nice soft and slow rhythm, clear your mind. Clear it of everything and focus on nothing but your breathing. Okay?”
Fai nodded his blond head and did as he was told. He was good at obeying too, if he wanted to be rewarded instead of punished. He focused on nothing but his breathing, the way his lungs expanded and his body seemed just inches larger when he inhaled. He wanted to exhale and it be an excited exhalation as Kurogane gave him what he needed the most. His mind was clear. He could think of nothing else but his breathing and how Kurogane could alter that breathing. How, if Kurogane would just move his hand at his hip, just a smidge, he would hitch his breath and give into anything Kurogane wanted.
It seemed as though hours passed in the quiet of their shared bedroom, Fai had moved on from the simple breathing pattern of his own body. He was more interested in the fact that Kurogane seemed to be matching his body breath for breath and that he was very calmly sitting beneath him, as though it were something commonplace. Rolling his eyes to himself, Fai closed his blue eyes once more and tried to focus on nothing more than his breathing. He couldn’t though. He was so… bored!
“Fai,” Kurogane murmured softly.
“Hmm?” was the hummed reply.
“Have you ever been with anyone other than hi-… other than that guy?” Kurogane asked.
Fai bowed his head and looked away from the man who wanted to possess him, the man he wanted to possess him. He couldn’t admit that he was afraid to be intimate because he’d never been very good at the pleasure that one was supposed to get. He couldn’t tell him that he’d only fallen in love twice in his life and that although he wanted to be intimate, oh-so-very intimate, he was afraid of what it would do. That he would be lost in the pain that Kurogane was sure to give out. After all, intimacy was a painful experience, except for the lucky few. And because he was not an idiot, he knew that his silence answered for him.
“It doesn’t have to be painful. There are things to do that make it enjoyable,” Kurogane whispered softly, letting his forehead rest on Fai’s thin shoulder. “I want to teach you about that,” he murmured.
Fai shivered in Kurogane’s stronger grasp and knew that if Kurogane asked, he would give in. If Kurogane wanted him now, on the floor like a dog, he would give into his demands.
“I want you to sleep beside me tonight. Let me hold you since I’ve done so much to you today,” the ninja whispered softly, looking everywhere but at the large eyes that were staring into his own. “I didn’t want to drag up painful memories for you, but it’s the only way that I can learn anything about you.”
“You never share either,” Fai whispered.
Fai smiled at the sincerity in the ninja’s eyes, in his body. He wouldn’t try to take advantage of the situation, but if he did, than Fai would give in. This evening, this had proven that Fai was going to obey, going to follow what Kurogane did for him.
Kurogane would want Fai to fight for himself. To live his own life with his own ideas, but Fai didn’t know how to do that. Even traveling, journeying through the worlds after putting his king into a deep sleep, Fai still relied on him for strength. He would call up the image of the beautiful king and remind himself that lovers were like that, that he had to travel further and faster and leave it all behind, confusing his handsome king. He couldn’t stop to fight for himself. Stopping to fight for himself would allow that once loved king a chance to find him once more.
*
As he lay with Kurogane he was torn between the desire to have Kurogane dominate him, the desire to be one, to be intimate with somebody again. He hadn’t been with anyone since leaving for the witch. Ashura-ou had been particularly violent on the night before he was sealed. Kurogane promised pleasure in his love making, something Fai was not sure he believed in. Closing his eyes, he leaned into Kurogane as if he were suddenly heavy.
He was exhausted. He knew that he was. Crying was tiring business and any man would be tired after all the crying he suffered through today. He was drifting slowly into the dark nothingness of sleep when he felt a heavy arm surround him, wrap him around the waist and hold him closer to the warm body behind him. He was happy. This was how he should be allowed to have his nights. He should be allowed to spend the evenings, wrapped in the warmth of his lover as they drifted contentedly into sleep.
Maybe he could learn to be truly happy, in the arms of this ninja?
Fai jumped at the sound of a hard knocking on the wood separating him from the other man, the man he’d fallen for. “Look, I’m sorry if it hurt to talk about it, but you’ll feel better after a good cry. Trust me, I know.”
“You’ve never cried,” Fai answered in a spiteful tone.
“You’d be surprised. When you’re ready to see me again, I’ll be in the room.”
“I won’t be too long. So don’t worry about me. I’m fine!” Fai answered in a cheerful voice.
“Shut up liar!” Kurogane growled, his voice a little softer, as though he had moved away from the door.
Fai sighed, sliding further down the door. He couldn’t do this. He didn’t have the patience needed to be happy, he couldn’t pretend, not right now. Sighing heavily, he looked up, letting the hot tears that leaked unwanted run down his face and into the hollows of his ears. Kurogane had done a lot of damage and hurt him. He couldn’t just immediately recover from that, no matter how strong he was. Or how strong he pretended to be.
Standing slowly, he wiped his face with the towel from his body, standing naked in the solitude of the bathroom. He didn’t have to see Kurogane and he didn’t have to hide his scars in the bathroom, he could pretend they didn’t exist and that he was something whole and perfect to present to Kurogane. He wished to be worthy of giving something of himself to the ninja who gave of himself everyday.
He dressed slowly, trying to ignore the pain that danced in his body. He knew what it was like to constantly ignore the pain. To pretend that nothing was ever wrong. But somehow, something in Kurogane’s touches, in his whispered words, he’d been unnerved, undone.
Satisfied that it wasn’t showing, Fai tightened the collar around his shirt and smiled at himself in the mirror. He was a very pretty man and in his long, high-necked sleeping clothes, he looked formidable. Satisfied that he was as neat looking as he would be, he trudged slowly from the bathroom, his face smiling, hiding all hints of the tears that had poured relentlessly from his eyes just minutes before. He was an excellent pretender.
But no amount of practice would have helped him keep his composure as when he stepped from the bathroom and walked slowly, gracefully into their shared bedroom, Kurogane was sitting in the same chair as before, stripped to the waist. He had his eyes closed as though he were meditating and when he heard Fai’s soft movements in the room, he blinked his crimson eyes open and smiled softly. He gestured silently for the wizard to move forward and join him, sitting as before in his lap.
“Kuro-chan,” Fai teased softly, a hint of teasing playfulness in his voice as he rolled forward in his amazingly graceful saunter. “I didn’t know you liked me so much.”
“You never were quiet long enough for me to tell you,” Kurogane answered softly, bowing his head in embarrassment, trying to hide the fact that he was blushing rather plainly.
Fai took his place in Kurogane’s lap and tried not to sigh in fear as he felt the ninja raise his hands to wrap around Fai’s body. “You know, I’m not tired anymore,” he smiled widely, turning his wide blue eyes to Kurogane’s thin crimson eyes.
“I want you to sit here with me, in the quiet, while I meditate,” Kurogane whispered softly. “Meditation is good for the soul. It helps clear your mind so that you can think clearly,” Kurogane explained softly.
“I’ve never meditated before.”
“I know. The more often you meditate, the quieter you are as a person, preferring the silence you’ve learned from your meditating.”
“And you meditate often?”
“I try for nearly three times a day. There are times when you can be very trying,” Kurogane smiled, his teeth flashing as he winked and placed a kiss to Fai’s cheek. “Since you’ve never done this before, we’ll start you with something very easy. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing. When you’ve gotten a nice soft and slow rhythm, clear your mind. Clear it of everything and focus on nothing but your breathing. Okay?”
Fai nodded his blond head and did as he was told. He was good at obeying too, if he wanted to be rewarded instead of punished. He focused on nothing but his breathing, the way his lungs expanded and his body seemed just inches larger when he inhaled. He wanted to exhale and it be an excited exhalation as Kurogane gave him what he needed the most. His mind was clear. He could think of nothing else but his breathing and how Kurogane could alter that breathing. How, if Kurogane would just move his hand at his hip, just a smidge, he would hitch his breath and give into anything Kurogane wanted.
It seemed as though hours passed in the quiet of their shared bedroom, Fai had moved on from the simple breathing pattern of his own body. He was more interested in the fact that Kurogane seemed to be matching his body breath for breath and that he was very calmly sitting beneath him, as though it were something commonplace. Rolling his eyes to himself, Fai closed his blue eyes once more and tried to focus on nothing more than his breathing. He couldn’t though. He was so… bored!
“Fai,” Kurogane murmured softly.
“Hmm?” was the hummed reply.
“Have you ever been with anyone other than hi-… other than that guy?” Kurogane asked.
Fai bowed his head and looked away from the man who wanted to possess him, the man he wanted to possess him. He couldn’t admit that he was afraid to be intimate because he’d never been very good at the pleasure that one was supposed to get. He couldn’t tell him that he’d only fallen in love twice in his life and that although he wanted to be intimate, oh-so-very intimate, he was afraid of what it would do. That he would be lost in the pain that Kurogane was sure to give out. After all, intimacy was a painful experience, except for the lucky few. And because he was not an idiot, he knew that his silence answered for him.
“It doesn’t have to be painful. There are things to do that make it enjoyable,” Kurogane whispered softly, letting his forehead rest on Fai’s thin shoulder. “I want to teach you about that,” he murmured.
Fai shivered in Kurogane’s stronger grasp and knew that if Kurogane asked, he would give in. If Kurogane wanted him now, on the floor like a dog, he would give into his demands.
“I want you to sleep beside me tonight. Let me hold you since I’ve done so much to you today,” the ninja whispered softly, looking everywhere but at the large eyes that were staring into his own. “I didn’t want to drag up painful memories for you, but it’s the only way that I can learn anything about you.”
“You never share either,” Fai whispered.
Fai smiled at the sincerity in the ninja’s eyes, in his body. He wouldn’t try to take advantage of the situation, but if he did, than Fai would give in. This evening, this had proven that Fai was going to obey, going to follow what Kurogane did for him.
Kurogane would want Fai to fight for himself. To live his own life with his own ideas, but Fai didn’t know how to do that. Even traveling, journeying through the worlds after putting his king into a deep sleep, Fai still relied on him for strength. He would call up the image of the beautiful king and remind himself that lovers were like that, that he had to travel further and faster and leave it all behind, confusing his handsome king. He couldn’t stop to fight for himself. Stopping to fight for himself would allow that once loved king a chance to find him once more.
*
As he lay with Kurogane he was torn between the desire to have Kurogane dominate him, the desire to be one, to be intimate with somebody again. He hadn’t been with anyone since leaving for the witch. Ashura-ou had been particularly violent on the night before he was sealed. Kurogane promised pleasure in his love making, something Fai was not sure he believed in. Closing his eyes, he leaned into Kurogane as if he were suddenly heavy.
He was exhausted. He knew that he was. Crying was tiring business and any man would be tired after all the crying he suffered through today. He was drifting slowly into the dark nothingness of sleep when he felt a heavy arm surround him, wrap him around the waist and hold him closer to the warm body behind him. He was happy. This was how he should be allowed to have his nights. He should be allowed to spend the evenings, wrapped in the warmth of his lover as they drifted contentedly into sleep.
Maybe he could learn to be truly happy, in the arms of this ninja?