Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Are You Steady Now? ❯ The Point of Stable Glue ( Chapter 3 )

“Are You Steady Now?”

Part 3: The Point of Stable Glue

By: Omni-sama

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Ratings, disclaimers, etc. found in first chapter

Extra disclaimer: Maruzen is property of Maruzen Co., Ltd. In other words: I don't own that, either.

Warning: This chapter contains a non-explicit sexual scene between a man and a woman. Yes, that's right, people…het sex.

Vocab note: Hamon is the word for the design formed on the tempered edge of a sword's blade. Like, when you look at a katana, and it has a lighter area near the sharp part. There are different names for different shapes/designs that area takes, but that area itself is called the hamon.

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She moaned and arched her back as he kissed down her neck to her collarbone, his long fingers trailing softly along the curve of her left breast. His lips moved lower, working their way along the rise of her right breast, and pausing to pay exceptionally close attention to her nipple. A soft gasp was his reward, and her fingers wound their way through his hair, gripping softly. As his mouth started to kiss down the breast to where it met her ribcage, his right hand cupped her left breast and squeezed gently. More moans vibrated from her throat, and his lips kept working their way lower.

 

When he came to the place where ribs met abs, his lips paused and he licked a diagonal line up towards his right, practically following the curve of the ribs that resided just above that spot. For a moment he paused and stared at the surface he had just ran his tongue over. It wasn't the first time he'd done that, and each time it confused him. Asuka didn't have a hot spot there or anything, so there was no reason for him to pay such close attention to the area and in such a specific way. If he thought about it, it was actually as if he were tracing an invisible line with his tongue.

 

Or a scar, a little voice whispered in the back of his mind.

 

His own body was littered with scars, though not all of them were easily visible. That little whispering voice would sometimes suggest that his body was remembering what his mind had forgotten. The lover he dreamed about probably had scars much like he did. It was his lover's scar he was tracing, but doing it on Asuka's unblemished body. That wasn't the only spot he would do that to, however. There was a place a few inches above her hipbone where he would often run his finger around in a tight circle.

 

“Ryou?”

 

He looked up to see that Asuka had stopped moaning and was now staring at him with worry and confusion. Trying to offer her a reassuring smile, he moved back down to cover her body with his and capture her lips for a deep kiss. It seemed to assure her that all was well, and he soon had her hot and eager again. That was another thing that surprised him often. Despite having been hesitant at first to engage in a sexual relationship with Asuka, once he had, he'd learned that he was quite skilled at pleasuring her. Knowing just how different a woman's body was from a man's, he had to reason that he'd been with a good many women in his past, despite it being a man that he dreamed about.

 

And just like every other time, he was able to effortlessly bring Asuka to climax, and also managed to reach completion himself. But it wasn't really an orgasm in his case, just a release that filled the condom he always made sure he wore—not trusting Asuka enough to rely solely on her birth control pills. If anything, sex left him feeling more unsatisfied than he was beforehand. The only times he could even remember actually reaching orgasm were when he would bring himself off in the bathroom after one of his dreams.

 

Releasing a contented hum, Asuka rolled over and draped her left arm over his chest as he lay beside her, staring at the ceiling. She snuggled closer to him and drifted deeper into sleep. Slowly his eyes drifted from the ceiling to her hand on his chest, and he watched as the single diamond on the band caught and reflected the faint light from the streetlamp outside the window. Staring at the ring, Ryou felt as if something heavy and slimy slowly rolled down the inside of his belly to settle itself deep in his gut.

 

What the hell was he doing? Why had he listened to Takatori? Why had he bought that ring? It made sense at the time, he knew. But it wasn't until now that he realized he'd let the same thing happen that had kept happening over and over again since he woke up in that hospital bed. Others were always making his decisions for him, telling him what was right and what he should be doing. And he always listened to them. Always. What reason did he have not to? They were whole, rational, sane. He was incomplete, confused, lost. He had no idea what to do or where to go or how to go about establishing a new life for himself. What choice did he have but to listen to Takatori and Asuka back then? And, it seemed, he continued to do so even now.

 

Some of the words Ran had said to him the previous night came to mind. He had said that Ryou could stand on his own two feet now, and that he didn't need anyone anymore. Not even Asuka. Part of him ached for listening to Takatori instead of Ran. But… Most of him knew that Ran was wrong. He needed someone. He so desperately needed someone. The problem was that he didn't know who that someone was. Was it Asuka, the man in the dream, or even Ran? No… No, it shouldn't be Ran. Not if what Takatori said about him was true.

 

A strange pain started building in his chest, feeling as though there was some small creature inside him that was dragging tiny, sharp talons along his heart. How strange that he seemed to be infested with odd creatures intent on hurting his insides tonight. The creature in his chest only scraped him with its claws if he thought about Ran, though. And the slimy, heavy thing in his gut only rolled around if he thought about spending the rest of his life with Asuka.

 

Listen to your instincts, that whispery voice in his head told him. It was a fairly new voice that progressively got louder as time went on. There was a time when it wasn't even a whisper, but merely the odd urge to try to spot red roses whenever he saw a group of flowers. It wasn't until he caught himself doing it one day and mentally asked himself why, that the whisper was born. It was soft and lacked a voice, so it really couldn't be considered a whisper at all, that first time. Somehow it told the rest of his brain in a way that made it seem like a sudden realization or epiphany. Red roses meant something important to him concerning his past. At first he thought perhaps it was just because his first memories after waking up involved red roses, since Asuka was in the process of exchanging red roses for another flower in the vase at his bedside table. But no, the little voiceless thing insisted, it was something from well before that. Red roses instantly became his favorite flower, and he would insist on having a few in a vase somewhere in the apartment at any given time.

 

Since that day, that little part of his brain would keep trying to tell him things, would keep revealing things to him, but it never revealed too much. He usually listened to it, convinced that whatever it was somehow still remembered something from his past. It was his theory that if he kept doing what it said, that it would eventually let him remember. Of course, if he thought about all of that too much, he'd start thinking he was going insane. It was quite possible that he was.

 

But now the voice wanted him to listen to his instincts, which he assumed were the creatures in his body doing rather annoying things to his heart and gut. So, since the pains were caused by thinking of Ran or Asuka, he reasoned that the voice must then want him to get away from both. Perhaps it wanted him to find the man in his dreams. The creature in his chest ran the talons along his heart again. Frustrated, Ryou mentally screamed at the whispering thing, asking what exactly it wanted from him. Silence answered him, and he spent nearly half an hour staring blankly at the ceiling in hopes that a real answer would eventually come.

 

Asuka rolled away in her sleep, cuddling the opposite end of her pillow and leaving a rapidly cooling spot next to Ryou. Sighing, he carefully slipped out of bed and pulled on a pair of boxers. He silently exited their bedroom and made his way to the room that contained the living room, kitchen, and dining area. Sitting on the small couch, he looked around at the dark room, everything cast in deep shadows except the few areas that light from the streetlamps managed to reach. He could just make out the teddy bear on the shelf near the wall opposite the window. The TV had a slanted rectangular area of light cut through it just shy of being perfectly symmetrical with the portion of it in shadow. Mounted above the TV, the last bit of a gleaming blade caught the light and reflected it back. Ryou stared at the blade for a long while before standing to walk over to it. He didn't remove it from its hooked mounts, but ran the tips of his fingers gently along the blunt inside of the blade.

 

The katana was the only possession he had from his previous life, but somehow he knew that it wasn't even really his. It belonged to someone else. Perhaps the little whispering thing had told him at some point, or perhaps it was simply because he felt awkward whenever he held it, but he knew. It belonged to someone else. Someone who had used it.

 

His fingertips strayed down to the more deadly exterior side of the blade, but avoided the edge itself, tracing instead along the curving pattern of the hamon. Even in the dim light, he was able to see the small nicks in the razor-sharp edge and the scuffs on the sturdy steel. He had gotten it checked out by an expert who assured him that it was an incredibly well-crafted sword. The same expert also assured him that it would have to have been used quite frequently and forcefully in order to receive the subtle damage it possessed.

 

Ryou may have no memory of his past, but he was far from being an idiot. The sword had been used as the weapon it was meant to be. His dreams seemed to be insistent confirmations of that theory. There were flashes of a long steel blade, sounds of wet flesh being torn, and blood. Lots of blood. But the sword wasn't the only weapon his dreams featured. He'd seen glimpses of gleaming claws, of glinting arrows, and wire that spun like spider web. A few times he had even seen some type of discus and something resembling an axe. It was such a strange combination of things that he often wondered just what the hell he was involved in before his amnesia.

 

Something occurred to him, and he took a step back from the sword with the shock of the realization. One of those weapons was probably his, which meant that he was a… That he had…

 

His legs hit the couch and he fell none-too-gracefully onto it, his eyes locked in horror on the shadowy sword. No matter how much he didn't want to believe it, he couldn't deny how much sense it made. There were the scars on his body that were far too old to have occurred in his accident, as well as the tattoo on his left shoulder of the upside-down cross with wings and the incriminating words that accompanied it. “SIN,” it said across the main part with “When you gonna learn?” etched in an inverted arc beneath it. He was a sinner. Evidently he was one that repeated his sins over and over again, never learning from his mistakes. He also knew that tattoos were often associated with the yakuza, but he dismissed that idea as soon as he had it. The tattoos that he heard about yakuza having usually covered more of the body.

 

But whatever he had been, it had involved killing. Something else Ran had said to him came to mind. Maybe the life he left behind was nothing but a nightmare, and this was his only chance at living a happy, peaceful life. Perhaps it really was time to let his search for the past go and focus only on making a future for himself. Asuka had said practically the same thing to him while he was still in the hospital. Finally he was starting to believe that everyone was right. His past was most likely not something he would enjoy learning the details of, so he should be content in his ignorance and move on towards creating a bright new future.

 

It was in that moment that he decided he'd do his best to stop dwelling on the man from his dreams. Besides, he had already reasoned that the man didn't really care for him as demonstrated in his lack of searching for Ryou. To hell with the whispering thing in his head, or the slimy thing in his gut; he was going to marry Asuka and live a normal life without violence and bloodshed.

 

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The next day, he went to work as usual. Saito the supervisor didn't lecture him about his abrupt departure or his failure to return to work the previous day, but merely gave him a slight glare that lasted but a second. A few of his office friends approached him occasionally to ask what caused him to walk out so suddenly yesterday, but he managed to avoid answering their questions.

 

So far he was doing fine, slipping back into his normal routine as comfortably as he could, considering he never really felt comfortable with it. Unfortunately, his mood quickly turned sour right as lunchtime started to roll around and he spotted Arai approaching his desk. He schooled his expression and told himself that he wouldn't let the man affect him today. “What's up, Arai?” Ryou was quite pleased with his friendly tone that didn't betray a single shred of contempt.

 

“I was wondering if you knew what Fujimiya's schedule was like at this time? Like do you know if he has class or work right now?” He wasn't sure if Arai was asking him because he was genuinely curious or if he was trying to rub it in Ryou's face that he had something going on with Ran.

 

“I'm not really sure. Why don't you just call him and ask if he's free?” With a shrug, Ryou turned away from Arai to check the time on his watch. Smiling as he realized he could make his temporary escape, he rose from his chair and grabbed his cell phone. When he looked up to say goodbye to Arai, he saw that the man had already made his way halfway across the room and was busy talking into his phone. Not wanting to think about whom exactly it was he was talking to, Ryou simply headed out for lunch.

 

He only made it a block from his office building before his phone started ringing in his pocket. Confused as to who'd be calling him at that time, he quickly pulled it out and flipped it open so he'd be able to answer it before his voicemail took over. “Yes?”

 

“Where are you?” He wasn't sure what surprised him more, the abruptness of the question or that it was Ran who was asking it.

 

“Um… I'm heading out for lunch. Why?” As he talked, he started walking again, pausing at a corner to wait for the crossing light to turn green.

 

“Where? What street?”

 

The crossing light turned green and the others at the corner took their turn crossing, but Ryou stayed where he was. He was far too confused to move. “I'm next to the Maruzen book store on Chuo-dori…”

 

“Good, I'm only a block away. Stay there.”

 

Before he could respond, his phone let out a beep to let him know that Ran had terminated the connection. He stared at his phone for a minute as if the answers to his many questions would suddenly flash across the small screen. When nothing appeared, he slowly closed the phone and slipped it back into his pocket. Just what the hell was that all about?

 

“Ryou.”

 

Shit! He nearly fell over from the shock of having Ran say his name while standing so close to him. Just how the hell did he get that close without Ryou even realizing it? Must have been pretty zoned-out not to notice Ran's approach, he figured.

 

“Ran, the hell?” At his friend's confused expression—though Ryou really didn't think Ran should be the one looking confused—Ryou sighed and shook his head. “What are you doing here?”

 

“You didn't come out with us last night, and everyone was saying that you went home before lunch yesterday. I was concerned, but you didn't answer your phone when I tried to call you last night. Which only made me even more concerned. Is everything alright?”

 

Ryou stood there staring into his friend's worried eyes, far too shocked by the man's words to be able to quickly formulate a sentence to respond. His prolonged silence caused the concern in Ran's eyes to increase, and the redhead grabbed his shoulder firmly. “Ryou?” He felt his mouth moving a little as he tried to answer Ran, but his mind was still too jumbled from surprise and confusion. “What's wrong? Did something happen?”

 

Something in those words, or at least in the way they were said, helped to knock him out of his shock. “No. I'm fine. There wasn't any need to worry, Ran. I mean seriously, what could have happened to me?”

 

“Something is wrong, though. It's not like you to just leave work like that. And you didn't call me to let me know you weren't going to make it last night. You always call if something comes up and you change your plans.” The hand on his shoulder tightened its grip a little as Ran spoke. Glancing around, Ryou noticed that a few people were giving them odd looks. He cringed at the thought of someone from the office seeing them standing so close like this with Ran's hand on his shoulder, and all the rumors that could result.

 

“Look, I'm on my lunch break, so why don't we go get something to eat? I'll explain things then, ok?” He gave Ran a pleading look, and was relieved when the hand instantly fell from his shoulder. The walk to a nearby café that Ryou frequented was made in silence. A rather awkward silence at that. Glancing at his friend as they walked, Ryou noticed the shifting in the muscles of Ran's cheek to imply he was clenching his jaw.

 

Once they were seated and each had a plate of sandwiches set before them, Ryou decided it was time to bite the bullet. “I'm sorry about yesterday. There was something I had to take care of, which is why I left work suddenly. It's nothing to worry about, though. And last night… Well, I was spending time with Asuka. I…asked her to marry me. For real.” Unwilling to see what reaction Ran would have to that, he looked down and picked at the lettuce in his sandwich instead.

 

“And you're certain that's what you want to do? You shouldn't do it because you feel obligated, Ryou. You should do it because you want to.”

 

The lettuce continued to be the only thing he allowed his eyes to focus on as he nodded. “I know. And… Yeah. I'm pretty sure that this is what I want.”

 

“`Pretty sure'? Love the confidence there.”

 

“Look, it's…” Ryou struggled to think of the right word to describe his situation, picking at the bread in his frustration instead of the lettuce. “Complicated, ok?”

 

“Do you love her?”

 

“Does it matter?”

 

The silence that followed that response was unsettling, at least as far as Ryou was concerned. Daring to peek up at his friend, he was caught and snared by the intense glare of those violet eyes. They bore into him, trying to strip him bare and read his innermost thoughts. For a long moment they stared into each other's eyes like that, Ran with the expression of extreme concentration and anger, Ryou with the look of a deer about to be hit by the biggest semi in the world. Eventually Ran seemed to find what he was looking for in Ryou, but his discovery proved to be disappointing. Slowly his eyes fell closed and he turned his head away towards the window. For some reason Ryou felt like apologizing, hating the feeling that he had just lost some respect in his best friend's eyes.

 

“Do as you like,” Ran murmured softly with a mixture of resignation and disappointment.

 

“I've…” Ryou paused to take a breath, not sure if saying more would make things worse or better, but he decided that his best friend should hear it all. “I've decided to also stop worrying about remembering. I'm even going to give up on finding the guy from my dreams.”

 

Ran didn't seem to have an immediate answer to that, and merely stared out the window as if watching the people pass by on the street. Ryou picked up his now partially tattered sandwich and took a bite out of it, determined not to let his lunch break go to waste. As he chewed, a thought occurred to him and he quickly swallowed so that he could free his mouth up for talking. “Hey Ran… I thought you were going to have lunch with Arai?”

 

That seemed to work to instantly snap Ran out of whatever he was thinking about after Ryou's most recent revelation, as he turned to focus his attention on Ryou again, eyeing him like he was insane. “What? Why the hell would I have lunch with Arai?”

 

Cocking his head in confusion, Ryou answered “Because you two went out together the other night or something. He said so. And he was calling you to ask you out to lunch as I was leaving the office. So, I assumed…”

 

“Well, you assumed wrong. And we didn't `go out,' we just fooled around. It was a one night thing, and I told him as much. Repeatedly.” Ran seemed annoyed, and Ryou hoped to hell it was directed at Arai and not him. “And yes, he called me earlier. I told him I had other plans, which I did. I wanted to see you.”

 

He didn't even want to think about how good Ran's words had made him feel. The slimy thing that had been in his gut last night must have been a cocoon, because his stomach suddenly tickled inside from the fluttering of wings. And the creature that had clawed at his heart must have been a cat because now it was curling up around the organ and purring. This was not good. So not good. He had told Takatori that he could keep his attraction under control. Now he was finding that it was easier said than done. As if he could sense the way Ryou was feeling, Ran was back to searching his eyes intently. So intently, in fact, that Ran was starting to lean across the table a little. Feeling the table press into ribs, Ryou was alarmed to find himself leaning closer as well.

 

While there were several parts of his brain that were encouraging him further, other parts opened his mouth and had him shatter the moment with a question. “Do you know a man named Takatori Mamoru?”

 

Ran's eyes widened slightly and he leaned away again, his brows drawing together in confusion. “What?”

 

“Takatori Mamoru. Do you know him? Because I do. He said that he knew you, and that your late lover was a friend of his.” Ryou had paused where he was, still leaning just slightly over the table. He stared at Ran as if he couldn't really see him, and felt slightly frightened of the way his mouth kept talking without him commanding it to do so.

 

“His friend, huh?” Ran gave a bitter laugh and looked away again, once more staring blankly out the window.

 

“That's what he said… Was he lying?” Please, part of Ryou begged, please let Takatori be lying about Ran. If there wasn't the risk of Ran using him as a replacement, then maybe… Maybe he could… Maybe they could… Oh god, please…

 

“I know Takatori, and Takatori knew my lover. I guess you could say they were friends at one time. But now I'm not so sure…” The way Ran said the word “Takatori” was as if that one word was the most vile, bitter word in the entire world. It piqued Ryou's curiosity, as did the rest of what Ran had said.

 

“Why is that? That you're doubting it…”

 

He watched Ran clench his teeth behind closed lips again, admiring the way the muscles made his cheekbones look. “I blame Takatori for his death.”

 

That…was not what Ryou had been expecting. “What? How?”

 

“Never mind that.” Ran suddenly turned and pinned a rather angry glare on Ryou, though he had a feeling that the anger was directed at the absent Takatori instead of him. “Why was Takatori talking to you about me?”

 

How to explain this without explaining his hidden attraction, that was the new dilemma. And a tricky one indeed. He only had a few seconds to think, so he slapped together an excuse that wasn't quite a lie. “I mentioned you when I was talking to him, and he recognized your name. That's when he told me about your lover. And…” Fuck, he should have stopped while he was ahead.

 

“And?” The eyes seemed to grow more intense in their gaze, which Ryou honestly didn't think was possible.

 

He gulped and looked back down at his pitiful sandwich, realizing he'd gone back to picking at it without realizing it. “And, he said that I should be careful since I resemble your lover… He said you'd try to use me as a replacement.”

 

Ryou counted two very loud heartbeats before Ran responded. “He said that? That bastard. That little lying, manipulative, self-righteous, Takatori bastard!”

 

The venomous hatred dripping from Ran's voice had Ryou looking up at him again with a start. He'd never seen Ran so angry before. He'd also never heard him talk that way about anyone. It shocked him and actually started to make him doubt Takatori's character. Out of all the people he had met since waking up, he had always felt that he could trust Ran the most. If Ran hated Takatori so much, he knew there had to be a legitimate reason.

 

“So it was a lie.” The relief that rushed through Ryou was short lived when Ran looked at him with barely-masked shock and hurt in his eyes.

 

“Of course it was a lie. That's all he ever fucking does anymore is lie. He lied to me when he found me in America, he lied to you, he lied to Yo—to everyone.” Suddenly the wind seemed to be knocked from Ran's sails, and he lowered his eyes to stare bleakly at his own neglected sandwich.

 

“What lies did he tell you when he found you in America?” Why were you even there to begin with, was also what he wanted to ask. But, he figured one question at a time was more than enough considering Ran's current state.

 

At first he didn't think Ran was going to answer at him, since he continued to just stare silently at his food. A very faint “It doesn't matter” eventually left the man's lips, however.

 

“Why doesn't it matter? You know what, Ran? I just realized that you know pretty much everything about me, and I don't know jack shit about you. All I know is that you're going to college because you want to be a teacher someday, and that you somehow also find the time to work—though fuck if I know what it is you do—and are able to support yourself rather well. That's it. I don't know anything else. Hell, until the night before last, I didn't even know you were gay!” Now that he thought about it, Ryou realized just how one-sided the trust seemed to be in their friendship. He could trust Ran with just about anything, but it seemed that Ran couldn't trust him with much at all. It was a realization that hurt considerably.

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

And that was it; that was all Ran offered. He didn't start describing the story of his life, or even start listing the important highlights. He just apologized and continued to stare at his sandwich. His long red hair and bangs fell like a curtain around him, so Ryou couldn't even make out what type of expression he had.

 

“I see…” The kitten that had curled up around his heart earlier was using it as a scratching post once again. They sat there for a while in silence. Just as Ryou opened his mouth to say something more, he was distracted by an unfamiliar voice.

 

“Aya-chan! Sit down,” a mother sitting at a nearby table scolded, tugging gently on the pale pink shirt of her child that was barely older than a toddler.

 

Turning quickly to look at the pair, Ryou missed Ran turning to look as well. Instead, he sat there staring towards the mother and child but not really seeing them. He saw instead flashes of his dreams, and for once he could remember the name he called the man. “Aya…” he whispered.

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he registered Ran shifting, turning his head up to face Ryou. “What did you say?”

 

“Aya… His name is Aya.”

 

He could feel his heart pounding loudly in his chest, but he did his best to calm down. It was amazing that he was able to actually remember something, but he had to remind himself that he wasn't going to try to remember the past anymore. His past was dark and filled with death, which was something he should be trying to avoid. Despite his excitement, he should try to put aside any and all thoughts concerning the man from his dreams. Aya was part of the past that was best left forgotten. Once again their table was tossed into silence, and he turned back to Ran in time to watch the man lower his head once again. He supposed that Ran was still upset over being asked about his own past, and was too distracted by that to realize the breakthrough Ryou just had. Something about that made him even angrier with his friend. Flicking a glare at his practically-whole sandwich, Ryou felt he had to get out of there before he became sick. “It's late, so I should head back to work now.” Ran didn't lift his head when Ryou stood, but somehow he had managed to grab Ryou's wrist before he could move away from the table.

 

“I'll take you out tonight.” Ryou stared at the still-bowed head. Slowly Ran looked up at him, his eyes still mostly hidden behind the dark red hair. After seeming to notice the confusion in Ryou's gaze, he offered a weak smile and attempted to further explain his offer. “To celebrate your engagement. Everyone else thinks you're already married due to the ruse Takatori helped you establish, so we can't throw you a party. Let me take you out for drinks tonight, though.” There was a pause as if waiting for Ryou to respond, but when he remained silent, Ran tossed in an incentive. “I'll explain things while we're out. I'll tell you anything you want to know about my life.”

 

He studied the expression in what was visible of Ran's eyes, and absently wondered how the kitten in his chest still managed to find some of his heart left to shred. There was something in Ran's expression that made Ryou want to pull him into a tight hug and never let go. It almost hurt physically when Ran released his wrist. Neither man made any motion to move, but remained frozen in their places, staring each other in the eye once again.

 

“I'll call you when I leave from work,” Ryou finally offered. The relief that was visible in Ran's eyes at that made the kitten wrap itself around his heart again. He couldn't help the small smile that came to his lips, nor could he help how it grew as soon as Ran offered his own smile. Finally he forced himself to turn and leave, but each step he took towards work and away from Ran felt as though he was walking through knee-high mud.

 

God, how he wished the workday was over already.

 

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To be continued…