Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Behind Blue Eyes: Seto's Story ❯ Day Seven: Used To It ( Chapter 21 )

Behind Blue Eye: Seto’s Story
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Disclaimer: Don’t own it, k? (the show I mean, not the story)
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Recap:
Back when Katsuya and I used to fight all the time, I could tell that he had a very big heart. The way that he spoke to his friends, the lengths that he went to to protect those that he loved. . . his heart was bursting with genuine kindness. With such a personality. . . he must hurt when others hurt too.
I could feel my body physically jerk as I mentally flinched at the thought. Was I causing Katsuya emotional pain? If only he didn’t care about me. . . then he wouldn’t have to hurt like I do.
If only he didn’t care about me. . .
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I awoke to a relatively distressed sound, which naturally caught my attention. As I opened my eyes slowly, squinting a bit from the (morning?) sun, I saw Jounouchi lying on the floor, his hands gripping his sheet as he stared up at me without so much as blinking. Why did he always stare at me? Why did he like me so much?
I turned to the ceiling, unable to look at him any longer.
The sheets felt different against me, like I could feel them more than I normally could. Had he changed them? I slipped my hands beneath the sheets to feel the fabric . . . when I realize that there was nothing between the sheets and my own skin. I opened my eyes wide with realization. Oh yeah . . . those events yesterday weren’t just a nightmare, they were my reality. They were the reality that I had lived with for so many years. Was it all about to begin again?
“I uh, there’s a reason for that.” Jounouchi sat up, laughing nervously while trying to explain my lack of clothing. “You see, something happened yesterday and-”
“Every day.” I corrected him. This ‘thing’ happened every day when I was younger. If it hurt me, did it hurt Katsuya too? It would be best if he didn’t care about me. If he didn’t care, he couldn’t hurt.

“What? What do you mean ‘every day’?”
“This ‘something’ that you won’t name; it happens every day.” I couldn’t look at him. What if he looked sad? What if he had a look of . . . pity?
“No, it doesn’t happen every day. As far as I remember you telling me, it hasn’t happened in a long time.”
I sat up quickly, facing him. The sheets slid down to my waist. “It happens every day. Every single day. Now and forever. Every day.” I glared at him, even though it hurt to do so. I had to make him stop caring. Make him dislike me. Make him stop hurting for me.
“But Seto-”
“It’s ‘Kaiba’ to you! Don’t act like we’re so close!” Make him hate me. “I don’t want to get close to you or anyone else!” Hate me. “Why can’t you all just leave me the Hell alone?!”
The look on his face almost made me flinch, but I stood my ground. I went through years of training to show no emotion, regardless of how much my heart ordered me to do so. I could do this.
He just sat there staring at me as if he had seen a ghost. Had my plan worked? Had I really upset him?
“Why are you staring? Is it because I’m naked? Does that turn you on, you sick mutt? I bet it does, fucking pervert.” What if it really did turn him on? What if all along this entire thing was just an act to get close to me? Yeah, that must have been it. He is no different than any of the rest, right? Right.
He turned away, a defeated look on his face, “No, it doesn’t.”
I couldn’t stay in that room any longer with him looking like that. I couldn’t let down my defenses ever again. This whole mess was a result of me letting my guard down.
“Emotions are a weakness, Seto! If you are to ever inherit Kaiba Corporation someday, you have to show me that you can be ruthless!”
Yeah Gozaburo, I know.
I stood from his bed and quickly wrapped a sheet around my waist. I had to wash myself off. I felt absolutely filthy. Even so, I knew very well that water wouldn’t wash away a feeling like this. It was a feeling that embedded itself within my very existence and could never be scrubbed away.

“Where are you going?” I could faintly hear Katsuya call out as I headed for the bathroom.
That’s when a wall of odor hit me like a ton of bricks. I had barely stepped foot into the bathroom when I saw the source.
“What the hell?!”
The tub was filled with murky red water. Red water. From me? Had Katsuya washed me? My arms were already bandaged . . . Katsuya . . . why weren’t you there, Katsuya?
Something hit me in the back and I began to stumble forward, only to be caught why a strong pair of hands. For a moment I had thought that maybe I’d fall into that sea of red and be sucked in, lost in the color of my life.
“Come on, Seto,” A voice from behind me urged, “Let’s get you into some clean clothes, okay?”
“I need a . . . I’m filthy. A bath. The water is . . .” I couldn’t even hear myself think anymore. What the hell was I saying? Why was I getting so worked up over something I had seen so many times before? I could feel the lump in my throat dissipate at I swallowed slowly. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry? For what?” The voice wrapped his arms around my waist. I knew that voice, I knew those arms. Katsuya.
“For dragging you into this.” I couldn’t make him hate me, no matter how hard I tried. Katsuya had a big heart and he had already taken me into it. “I thought that all of this was over when I killed Gozaburo . . . but look at what happened?” I tightened my lips as an alternative to the burning sensation that threatened my eyes. No more tears. No more.
“Well I guess there’s only one solution then.”
A solution? “What would that be?” I glanced over my shoulder, finally able to see him. There was a slight smile tugging at his lips.
“We have to get rid of Saki . . . by any means necessary.”
By any means. . .
I spun around and jerked out of his arms, ready to talk him out of it . . . when I realized that all of my glory was showing. I yanked the sheet off of the floor and covered myself. “Are you saying I should kill him? I promised myself that I would never kill anyone ever again! I’ve killed too many people in my life!” Shit. Had I ever really told him about what happened with Satoshi? I was starting to act like Katsuya now, speaking before thinking.
“Woah, woah, wait just a minute. You say that you’ve killed too many people? How many would that be, Kaiba?”
The sound of my surname hurt a bit. “So you’re back to calling me Kaiba now?”
He looked at me as though I was speaking a foreign language, before ignoring my question completely and correcting himself, “How many people have you killed, Seto?”
“Can I get some clothes? I’m freezing.” He seems to have a relatively short attention span. If I just bring up another subject . . .
I’m sure that anyone could imagine how shocked I was when Jou grabbed me by the shoulders and shoved me against the nearest wall, screaming “Seto! Stop fucking around! How many?! Tell me!”
Of course, he must have immediately regretted his actions, because his next words were a hushed whisper of “Please tell me.”
Okay, so that kind of topic wouldn’t distract him . . . perhaps I would take a more emotional approach. “You’re so rough when you get frustrated or angry. Is that a result of the way your father treats you?”
Bingo. His eyes widened a bit and he stepped away from me. Our eyes were locked and I was thankful for my height advantage. “Stop it! This has nothing to do with me!” Damn. I thought that I had him!
Though I thought that he was going to try to squeeze an answer out of me again, he startled me by gently cupping my face with his hands. “You always try to turn me away from the question or situation at hand, and I’ve allowed you to get away with it for far too long.” He was smiling sweetly, but I couldn’t help but narrow my eyes. He continued, “Please, no more dancing around things. I want to help you, but I can’t do it without your cooperation. When you can answer my questions, I’ll answer yours.” He pulled away and went toward his bedroom. “Come on and let’s get you into some clean clothes, okay?”
I followed quietly behind him. He knew that I was dodging questions all along? He was certainly smarter than he made himself out to be. And what he said . . . unfortunately he was right. How could I expect him to answer my questions when I refused to answer any of his? When had he become so clever?
The telephone rang the moment we passed through the doorway. Jou grabbed it and sat on his bed while I wandered in wearing my makeshift skirt. I sat, much to my own torture, next to my suitcases to make my outfit choice of the day. I couldn’t help but wonder who had called.
As I stepped into my boxers and pants, I easily eavesdropped on Jou’s side of the conversation.
“Jounouchi residence.” Heh, he sounded so official. “Yes.” I could hear the woman on the other end carrying on about something. “Oh, hello Ms. Arashi.” Katsuya shot me a look.
I took that as a sign to rescue him and so I went to his side and snatched the phone out of his hands, “Kaiba Seto speaking.”
“Ah yes, Mr. Kaiba. This is Ms. Arashi at Domino High School and our attendance records show that you and Katsuya didn’t go to school today.”
No shit. That’s why I answered Katsuya’s house phone. “Very good observation. You’re right, we aren’t in school today.”
“Well Mr. Kaiba, this is the second time this week that the two of you have been absent.”
“Correct again, this is the second time this week. You see, some important things have come up and-”
“Important things? Mr. Kaiba, nothing is more important for a young man than school.” Did she seriously just interrupt me? Even the morons that work for me know better than to do that.
“Actually, I can think of a shitload of things that are more important to me than school, like watching paint dry, for example.”
“Mr. Kaiba! If you skip school you will fall behind in your studies and your grades will begin to drop! If you’re grades get low enough-”
“Listen, woman, you and I both know that I will not get behind in my studies and my grades will not drop, and I shall see to it that the same goes for Katsuya. Have a pleasant day.” I slammed the phone back onto its cradle. Stupid bitch. Nothing more important than school? Please. If only she knew.
“Harsh.” The blond commented from his place on the bed.
“I guess . . .” I don’t really think it was so harsh. To say that nothing was more important? She had no idea what I had been through. I sat on the floor by Jou’s feet. “It feels like . . . a nightmare.”
“What?”
“Yesterday, what happened with . . .” I could feel my body shake as though a cold chill had suddenly run through me. “It just doesn’t seem real. This kind of thing happened a lot when I was younger, and I cried almost every time, but now . . . I don’t know if I care.” I stared at the floor in shame, but it was true. All of those times that I would constantly relive those events in my own mind . . . and now it finally happened in reality and it just seems like another hallucination, like it had never actually happened. The only proof I have are the bandages on my arms and the pain in my . . .

“Shut up!”
Jounouchi’s sudden outburst made me a jump a little, “What?”
“You do care, Seto! It’s because you care so much that he was able to hurt you! It’s because he hurt you that you decided to close yourself off from the world! It’s because you closed yourself off that you don’t feel the things that he is doing to you! What you truly need is someone that cares back! You need someone to hug you every now and then, someone to tell you how beautiful you are every day, someone to tell you it’s okay to cry, someone to show you that love has nothing to do with sex-”
“So you’re telling me that I need you.” The things that I need. The someone that I need. Was it really Katsuya? He certainly fit the bill, and for some reason my heart didn’t seem to mind the idea.
“Me?”
Was he really so surprised? “Yes. Other than Satoshi and Saki, you are the only person that I have ever confided in. The difference is, you’re still alive.” Still alive.
“But Saki is still-”
“Alive? No. My Saki died two years ago. This Saki is just some monster that looks like him. The only one left for me . . . is you.” I couldn’t help but smile. Was this my answer? Would I really be happy with Katsuya? Something about him was so different than all of the others that had claimed to love me.
“It was my fault.”
The sound of his voice shook me from my own little world, “What was your fault?”
“What happened.” He refused to look at me.
He couldn’t have been serious! Of course it wasn’t his fault that Saki did what he did! “Why on Earth would you say that?” I must admit that it pissed me off to hear him blame himself for someone else’s actions.
“I promised you that I would protect you from him. In the end, I couldn’t fulfill my word.”
Now it was my turn to turn away. “I’ll admit . . . while I was lying beneath him . . . while I was fighting against restraints that I, that I knew I couldn’t break . . . I kept telling myself that you would come and get him off of me, that you would uncuff me and take me away from all of that.” Though I tried so hard, I couldn’t help but give in to the incessant stinging in my eyes. The warmth of my own tears was far from comforting. I smiled through them, “I kept telling Saki that you would be home any minute to destroy his filthy life . . . but when he had finally begun, and you hadn’t come . . .” I forced myself to face him, no longer smiling. “I reminded myself that you’re only human, and humans are far from perfect.”
When had Katsuya begun to cry? Did I make him do that?
“You were hoping for me to come like I promised, but I never did.”
“Actually, Katsuya, you promised to protect me and never let Saki do that to me again. Well, you protect me when you’re with me, and you have never let him do anything. You couldn’t have possibly known that he would show up. So really . . . you have kept your promise all along, Katsuya. I was just hoping for a miracle. Miracles don’t tend to frequent my life.”
He held his arms out to me and for a moment I wasn’t exactly sure what he was wanting before I realized that he had been telling me all along. He wanted me. I moved closer to him and we embraced each other, crying softly together . . . and then I started laughing. Why? Perhaps because I was in the most ridiculous situation that I have ever been in my entire life.
“What?” Katsuya released me and wiped at his eyes.
“Look at us.” I wiped away my own tears and let out another chuckle. “We used to always be at each others’ throats making childish insults . . . and now here we are, having a soap opera moment . . . and I’m half naked.” And yes, me being half naked just made it that much more hilarious.
“Yes, that you are.” He finally stopped sniveling, “Hey Seto, turn your back toward me and lean up against the bed.” He flashed a strange smile.
“But w-” I stopped myself from questioning his motives. I had to trust him. I closed my eyes and turned around, scooting all the way up against the bed.
Jou proceeded to put one leg down on either side of me, which was pretty weird. I had only a moment to ponder this action because he soon leaned down and crossed his arms over my chest, our faces cheek-to-cheek.
“I love you.” He whispered, rocking us from side to side.
I smiled and laughed again, leaning back. “It’s weird. Never in a million years could I have foreseen an event like this between the two of us.” I lifted my right hand and ran it along Katsuya’s arms to make sure that they were really there. “It’s . . . nice.” Dreams are often beautiful, but how often did such things happen in reality?
“Yeah, it is.”
I tried to ignore the fact that he was clearly sniffing my hair. Actually, I didn’t really mind that he was doing it at all, as long as he stayed with me. He could do anything, as long as he stayed. I felt my grip tighten around one of his wrists, “If you were to ever betray me, I’d die.”
“You know that I would never betray you, but even if I did, you are strong enough that you would move on from me and-”
Was he trying to imply that it was possible for him to betray me? “I would die.” I loosened my grip, having realized that I might be hurting him, “I’m letting you in even after I swore to myself that I would never let anyone close to me again. If you make me regret this decision . . . I will die, whether it be by natural cause or otherwise.”
Before I could quite register what was happening, I was pulled closer as Jou screamed “Don’t say that!” and began kissing my neck and shoulder.
“W-what?” I was really questioning his actions more than his words. Every time I mentioned hurting myself, he panicked. As awful as this sounds, it made me feel better about myself, knowing that it bothered him so much.
His lips brushed against my ear, “If you keep talking like that, then I will die.”
“We could die together.” I suggested, the wistful tone in my voice practically impossible for me to disguise. I really was beginning to sound like a hopeless romantic.
“I’d rather us live together.”
I instinctively pulled his arms further against my chest, smiling a faint smile that I was sure he couldn’t see, “Yeah, me too.”
Sitting there together with him was very peaceful. His arms never left me. It was too bad that eventually he would let go.
“If you were to ever betray me, I’d die.”
I most certainly would. If he betrayed me, it would be like Saki all over again. I had never thought that Saki would be the one to hurt me the most. I had idolized him. Every time I saw him my heart would start beating wildly. Saki was my white knight when everything else was dark. In the end, he was my final boss.
I slid my fingers along Jou’s trail of kisses. Saki had once kissed me like that too . . .
“You’re welcome.”
Katsuya’s voice knocked me from my memories and I leaned back to playfully glare up at him. “Even when I’m about to slip into memory, you always find something to say that will bring me back.” He really did. Some of the things that he says are so funny . . .

“What?” His curious puppy look faded when he laughed a little, “And you always manage to say something that throws me off.”
“Awww,” I stared down at his hands, mustering up the most fake sad girlfriend voice possible, “I don’t want to throw you off, I like it when you’re-”
“On top of you?”
“”That’s not what I was going to say!” I smacked his legs with the backs of my hands, more angry that I couldn’t hide my blush than at what he had said. Okay, okay, so that was what I was going to say, but I had stopped short because I realized how bad it would have sounded. Damn perverted mutt.
“I know,” He informed me as he rubbed his hands in my hair. Did he have an obsession with my hair or something? He soon stood up and stepped over me, going across the room. “I was just messing with you.” He smiled at me over his shoulder as he yanked open a dresser drawer.
So he was going to get dressed. “You’re not going to wear some worn-out outfit again, are you?” I gave him a disgusted look. I was half playing and half serious. Why did he dress like he lived in a slum sometimes? I would have to fix up his wardrobe some day. I bet he’d look good in some nice slacks, maybe a nice button-down shirt . . .
“What’s that supposed to mean?” He faced me with his hands on his hips, a cocked brow, and his lips all scrunched up. He looked cute.
“It means you dress like a filthy mutt.” I finally got up from the floor, smirking and folding my arms like I always did. Yeah, this felt much more normal than what we were doing earlier. Not that what we were doing earlier couldn’t become normal.
“I’ve never seen a mutt wear clothes before, mister genius; they run around naked.” He grinned at me, thinking that he had made some great comeback.
“That’s funny, I have yet to see you running around naked.” My hands flew up to cover my mouth, but it was too late for that. Damn that mutt! He always tricked me into saying the most embarrassing things! I felt like I would spontaneously combust from all of the burning that was going on in my face.
“I can fix that whenever you want.” The blond winked at me, going back to his task.
“Didn’t you go shopping with your friends the other day?” I inquired, averting my eyes to other things while he changed. A black shirt and khaki shorts? Ah, no, I wasn’t looking! I was look at his um, lamp. Man, he sure took a long time to take his shirt off . . . not looking! Damn it . . .
“I did . . . Actually, I got something for you that you would look amazing in.”

I faced him as he mentioned this, but then turned away quickly when I realized that he had yet to put a shirt on. He had a nice torso. . . “Something for me? I’m afraid to find out what it is.” What could he have possibly got for me? Something that I would look amazing in? I really didn’t want to know.
“It’s a swimsuit!” He called out through the fabric of his shirt as he tugged it down over his head.
“Now I really don’t want to see it.” I’m sure that whatever swimsuit he bought was skimpy beyond belief.
I wandered over to my things on the floor and sat down beside them to pick out an outfit of my own.
“Hey Seto?”
Don’t look, don’t look. “Yeah?” I held up a shirt to draw my attention away from him. Burgundy? Why in the hell did I even own something so hideous?
“Would you um . . . If I pick an outfit from my own wardrobe for you to wear, would you wear it?”
I lowered the shirt into my lap. Should I laugh? Was he seriously? “That depends. What kind of get-up did you have in mind?” Now he just sounded like a giddy girlfriend . . . not that I would know what that sounded like.
“Uh, well, uh . . . I guess something like what I have one, but with a blue shirt.” He tugged at the bottom of his t-shirt.
He wanted us to wear the same thing? Isn’t that a bit . . . oh, I don’t know, weird? “Shouldn’t I wear a different type of shorts or something?” Anything? The idea of me in a t-shirt and shorts was strange enough.
He cringed, “No matter how I imagine it, you just wouldn’t look right in blue jeans.”
I couldn’t help but smile. It was true that I never wore blue jeans. I’ve always been more of a dress pants kind of guy. Even before my parents passed away they would always dress me in nice clothes. I guess I’ve never looked good in jeans. “Alright, hand ‘em over.” I did my best to ignore the pain in my rear as I got to my feet, arms outstretched for the outfit that he had concocted.
In my arms he piled knee-length khaki shorts, a blue t-shirt . . . and a black belt. A belt? “What’s that for?” I asked, setting the items down on his bed before making quick work of the pants that I had previously wriggled into. I halted my movements for a moment when I realized that the blond in the room wasn’t responding. Glancing over my shoulder, I caught him staring blankly at me. “Jounouchi!” I yelled, and he snapped out of whatever creepy daydream he might have been having. “I said ‘what’s that for?’”
“It’s for you to wear since you’re thin as a rail. We’re close to the same height, but I’m slightly bigger in the waist than you are.”
I eyed the shorts he had given me. They were probably big enough that . . .
I let out an amused laugh, “Watch this.” Without putting them on, I zipped and buttoned the front of the shorts and then proceeded to slide them on before reaching for the belt. Some of my own pants at home were the same size and I used to make Mokuba laugh when he was younger by doing the same performance. I kind of miss those moments with Mokuba . . .
“I told you that you’re skinny as hell!”
“I guess so.” I admitted, fastening the belt buckles and then attempting to pull the shirt over my head. How long had it been since I had worn a shirt that didn’t button down? Oh yeah, Battle City . . . I had a hard time with that shirt too. I tensed up a bit when I felt an extra pair of hands helping me pull the shirt over my head and down my back and chest. There was a little extra contact than was necessary, but I had to remember that this was Katsuya and no one else.
Katsuya. Just Katsuya.
I made a face, “These clothes feel weird.” They felt so light and airy, like I wasn’t really wearing much at all. Not to mention the fact that my arms and legs were showing. Oh, my arms . . .
“That’s because they don’t stick to your body like your usual wardrobe does.”
I aimed a punch at his shoulder and a kick at his crotch, but he manage to dodge the both of them.
“Aw, I’m just joking!” He yelled before taking off down the hallway. I snatched a pillow from his bed and chased after him.
I saw him standing still just at the entrance to the living room, “If you stop running I’ll beat the hell out of you!” I held the pillow high above my head, ready to attack, when he spun around and pulled me tight against his chest, causing me to drop my weapon. “That’s cheating!” I tried to get away, but his grip was unusually strong. “Let go!” Why was he holding me so tightly? Why wasn’t he laughing playfully like he ought to be? Why did he stop right before the . . . the living room.
“You can’t beat me if I defeat you first!” He said suddenly, grinning.
I went along with it, “There’s no way that you can- ahh!” Before I could prepare for it, Jou picked me up and carried me back to his room, laying me on his bed and kneeling down beside it. I laughed the whole way, though the location in which he placed me made me a little uneasy.
“You’re good.” I praised him. “It’s so funny the things that you’ll do to keep me from seeing what I already know is there.”
He looked a bit disappointed, “I figured that it would upset you . . .”
“It would have . . . a few years ago. It’s like I said before. This has happened to me so many times in my life, countless times . . . and so even though it still hurts, I just can’t cry. Why cry over something that has become almost a regular event in my life?”
“Shut up!” He leaned over me and pulled me against him again, a motion that was still awkward for me, “Please don’t say that anymore! You aren’t an object to be used like that! You’re human, Seto! There’s no way that you could be used to that kind of thing! You shouldn’t even be in the situation that would cause you to get used to it!” H brought our faces dangerously close, “You’re with me now, and things are going to be different. I hope you don’t have anything against being treated like a jewel, because to me you’re absolutely priceless.”
The look in his eyes was borderline terrifying, and yet it was so warm to me. He always managed to say something that sounded absolutely perfect. He may not have book smarts, but he was great with people and he was constantly proving that to me.
So show me, Katsuya. Show me that things will be different now. Show me that this isn’t a dream, but that it is reality.
Show me that you aren’t just another Saki.
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Sorry, I didn’t realize that I hadn’t posted the past several chapters here on MediaMiner. I post the story on Fanfiction(dot)net, so I often forget about the story being posted here. I wrote this chapter and the next one quite some time ago and just finished writing chapter 23, so I’ll post all of them now. Again, I apologize for this!