Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Just Shoot Me: The Return of H.U.G.S. ❯ Time to Quit the Day Job ( Chapter 4 )

Disclaimer: Yugi-oh is the property of Kazuki Takahashi, who is a genius.

 

Here it finally is! The one shot that has somehow morphed into a mini series. This is a partner piece to Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit. It does fit into the Chrysalis timeline if you wish it too. It would land just after the end of Emergence, just before Psyche starts. It will also stand neatly alone by itself.

 

Just Shoot Me

Chapter 4: Time to Quit the Day Job

~*~*~*

Yami stood behind the bar and rolled his eyes as his darling, innocent light danced down the stage, unbuckling his shirt. Yugi smiled gleefully as he dropped the shirt onto the stage and did a pelvic swivel that would have put many professional belly dancers to shame.

 

“Scotch, straight up.” Bakura growled at him from the other side of the bar, a self satisfied smirk lingering around his lips as Yami turned and caught up a bottle of Glenlevits.

 

“Here, just take the bottle. If Yugi's little performance is any indication, your going to need it.” Yami shoved the scotch across the bar with a glass, wincing as Yugi's pants hit the floor to a rousing cheer from the assembled crowd.

 

“Sorry to burst your bubble, but my light is sitting at home doing his homework. It's only yours and Marik's hikaris that are out there as the floor show.” Bakura smirked, but took the bottle and glass. “My light knows better then flaunt himself in public.”

 

“Really?” Yami consulted his bartender's guide and mixed up a Bloody Mary for a slender man who's eyes were riveted on Yugi's show. As the man reached into his wallet, extracted a five dollar bill and ambled over to tuck it into Yugi's G string, Yami calmly added a quarter cup of Tabasco sauce to the drink and slipped the drink across the counter.

 

Bakura laughed evilly and ambled off with his bottle to go sit next to Marik, who was busy whistling and shouting for Yugi to take it all off. Yami smiled to himself, scaring a drunk. “Laugh now thief, you'll get yours.”

 

Yugi grinned over at him and did a set of pelvic thrusts and twirled around to shake his bottom saucily. Three men jumped eagerly forward and stuffed money into the slender band that disappeared between Yugi's butt cheeks. Laughing, Yugi straightened, whisked the money out of his undies and did a twisting gyration that lowered him down to the floor in front of the men.

 

Yami sighed, memorized the three men's faces and fixed another drink as the skimpily clad waitress darted up to the bar to order more drinks for the audience.

 

“Wow, it's really busy in here. Usually, it's completely dead.” She grinned happily out at the crowd that was presently drooling at Yugi lounging on the floor kicking his legs up. “And it's not just pervs tonight either, there's couples and groups.” She smiled happily at him. “I just hope this keeps up. I could really use the money.”

 

Yami nodded, “This is unusual?”

 

“Yeah, the owner was actually thinking of selling this place. It just wasn't making any money.” She leaned against the bar, sighing, watching as Yami mixed the drinks together. “I really need this job. Maybe he won't close if this keeps up.”

 

Yami put the drinks on the tray. “Do you recognize any of these people?”

 

She shook her head, “Just a couple, most are new.”

 

Yami nodded as she flitted away. Yugi was now putting on a floor show, displaying a talent for flexibility that made Yami arch his eyebrows and the audience lean closer as his slender body flexed into a backbend. The curtain behind the raised stage ruffled slightly and Yami caught a glimpse of silvery hair. Apparently Bakura was about to be disillusioned. Yami hummed happily and went to rinse some bar equipment as Yugi's set wrapped up, with a swirl of colorful hair and a sassy hip shimmy.

 

The lights dimmed dramatically and Ryou slithered out in a sinuous coil of white and a cloud of dry ice induced fog. Yami leaned merrily forward to get a good view, not of him, but of Bakura suddenly choking, coughing and gagging on his scotch. Ryou tossed his darkness a coy smile, twitched his wrist and flicked a long, white leather whip across the floor with a snap, before sauntering up the center aisle in his skin tight, white, leather pants, white leather vest, thigh high white leather boots with stiletto heels and rakishly cocked white, leather hat. Ryou flicked the whip again then started dancing, twirling the whip and doing suggestive things with it and his tongue. The crowd screamed in excitement. Yami, wiping out the blender, wondered how long it would take for Bakura to stop gasping for breath and make the crowd scream for an entirely different reason.

 

Marik whistled and waved a bill at Ryou, who prowled over sensuously taking off his vest and caught the bill in his teeth, dropping the vest across Marik's shoulder with a brazen wink. Bakura, coughing the last of the scotch out of his lungs, lunged across the table and decked his fellow yami. Ryou arched an eyebrow, flicked his hair over his shoulder and danced across the stage flirtatiously unzipping his pants.

 

“Three more High Balls for table nine.” The waitress buzzed up, grinning happily. “I just got the most amazing tip.” She waved a hundred dollar bill. “Can you put it behind the bar for me?”

 

Yami nodded, took the bill, and mixed the drinks. “Sure, I'll put it in the cash drawer.” He nodded toward where Bakura was slamming Marik's head against the floor. “Should we call a bouncer?”

 

She glanced over, “Nah, they're just being boys.” She grabbed a bowl of pretzels. “Feed `um and they calm right down.”

 

Yami placed the drinks on the tray, with another bottle of scotch. “Here, give… Whitey… a drink on the house.” He watched as Ryou shimmied out of his leather pants, leaving him wearing a tiny, white leather thong. “It looks like he's going to need it.”

 

“Doesn't he already…?” She frowned over to where “Whitey” was now sitting, staring up at Ryou with a bewildered, and stunned look. Ryou's white leather pants were now draped over his head.

 

Yami nodded at Ryou, “They're dating.”

 

“Ooooh, lucky guy.” She looked dreamily at Ryou, who was doing toe touches while shaking his bottom in time to the music.

 

Yugi bounced out the employee's only door and leapt behind the bar. “I really love this job! Did you see that guy? The one over there?” Yugi pointed to a man dressed in jeans, boots and a flannel shirt. “He gave me a hundred dollars!”

 

Yami calmly took note of the doomed man and patted his light on the head. “That's nice little one. If he ever touches you again, he'll spend the next hundred millennia screaming his soul out in the Shadow Realm.”

 

“Yami!” Yugi apparently had been taking notes at the doctor's office. A strict, admonishing finger suddenly was waving at his nose. “No sending clients to the Shadow Realm.”

 

Backing away from the finger, Yami shrugged, “Fine. I'll just get Bakura to do it for me, once he's finished locking Ryou up.”

 

Yugi looked over to where Ryou was now doing splits on the stage, slowly rising up and down in rhythm to the beat. “Wow, I didn't know he could do THAT!”

 

“You missed the whip dance.” Yami turned and quickly blended together a pair of banana daiquiris for two girls that swayed up to the bar. The waitress smiled and zipped off, grinning happily and gyrating in time to the music.

 

“This is soooo fun.” Yugi waved as a young woman in fishnet pantyhose and a bright red boostier raised her glass and winked at him. Tiredly, Yami made note of her face. The list of people he'd have to mind crush or banish was getting longer and longer. Too bad there wasn't some version of frequent flyer miles for the Shadow Realm.

 

~*~*~*

Marik smiled contentedly down at the stunned thief, then took a moment to appreciate the sight of Ryou sliding sinuously across the floor, tangled with the whip. He then looked over to where Yami Yugi and his little aibou were wiping glasses behind the bar. Yugi was chatting and dancing in place merrily and Yami was looking homicidally stoic. He glanced around the audience and noted that everyone was in place. Time for act two.

 

~*~*~*

“Yugi!” Honda waved as he squirmed through the growing crowd, with Anzu, Mai, and Duke tagging at his heels. “Great dance.”

 

Yami considered the repercussions of tossing Honda into the Shadow Realm, then nixed the idea when Yugi smiled and waved to his friends. He contented himself with a glare then ducked under the bar. “I'm going to go see if the tomb robber's still breathing.”

 

Yugi nodded, watching his darkness stalk away, then he leaned over the bar. “Everything set?”

 

Honda grinned, “Just lead him over and we'll begin.”

 

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Anzu looked worriedly over to where Yami was leaning over Bakura, trying to haul the white haired thief back to his feet and into a chair. A task complicated by Ryou doing a set of spread legged tumbles that sent the crowd into a screaming frenzy and Bakura into semi catatonic shock. The pharaoh gave it up, propped Bakura against the table's leg and turned to talk with Marik.

 

“Sure. It's all worked out.” Yugi waved them away. “Just remember, be perky and stick to the script.”

 

“I don't think I'm up to perky right now. How about moody?” Duke leaned tiredly against Honda's shoulder.

 

Yugi bit his lip thoughtfully, “Well, the best for you would probably be coy and slightly flirtatious. Could you handle twiddling your earring and maybe a couple of flirty comments?”

 

Duke looked doubtful, till Mai patted his shoulder. “Don't worry about it. I'll jot a couple down on a napkin. That will leave you with playing with your earring and reading a line or two. If you don't know what to say, stall by flipping your hair.”

 

“Thanks,” Duke turned and ambled off. “I'll go get us a table.”

 

Yami nodded pleasantly at Mai and Anzu as he ducked back under the bar. “Anybody want a drink? It took awhile, but I've made friends with the blender.”

 

Anzu shook her head. “I don't drink anymore.”

 

Mai kissed her proudly, then nodded, “Kailua and cream for me.”

 

“Gin and tonic.” Honda looked around. “You know, this place is kinda cool. Always thought it would be sleazy in here.”

 

Yami tossed the drinks together and nodded. “Ryou slithering around is helping.” He nodded toward the stage.

 

Ryou had gotten hold of a chair and was wrapped seductively around it. The two girls that had ordered daiquiris were now standing at the side of the stage, cheering Ryou on, as he slithered provocatively across the chair. Bakura sat on the floor, his eyes riveted on Ryou's undulating body and drinking scotch straight from the bottle.

 

Honda, watched for a moment then turned. “I'm going to need therapy. I just know I'm going to need therapy.”

 

Yugi wiggled out from behind the bar and pulled him and the others toward the table Duke found. “Maybe you can get a group rate with Bakura.”

 

Yami watched them leave and quickly put all the glasses away, cleaned off the counter and filled a few bowls with beer nuts and pretzels.

 

The waitress scampered up, bright eyed and laughing. “Here, can you put this with the rest of my tips?” She handed over a wad of bills. “This place is really hot tonight.” She watched as Ryou started rubbing and thrusting against the chair. “And he is really great. He's seduced all the girls and half the guys in the place.”

 

Yami nodded, putting her money away, “Any problems?”

 

“No. There's a group of kids in the back, who're a bit rowdy, but I had the bouncer go over and calm them down. They're fine, now.” She pulled out the order form for drinks and handed it over.

 

Yami quickly filled the order. “I'm taking ten minutes off. Why don't you take some time off too.”

 

She sighed, “My feet are saying hell yes, but my wallet is saying feed me.”

 

“Listen to your feet.” He nodded to where Bakura was sitting on the floor, numbly watching Ryou lick his new lover, the chair. “To make it up, tell him if he gives you a hundred you'll get Ryou to leave the stage. It's just about time for Marik's turn.”

 

She nodded as she scooped up the tray of drinks. “A hundred?”

 

Yami watched as she delivered the drinks then went to kneel next to Bakura. In a moment, Bakura lunged for his wallet and pulled out a huge wad a bills and thrust them into her hands. “I'd say her wallet is now well fed.”

 

She danced back, glowing and counting her money. “Okay, Ryou's set can end now.” She handed over the wad of money for Yami to put with the rest of her tips and skipped gleefully over to the stage. She leaned across the footlights and in a moment Ryou nodded.

 

He rolled languidly off his chair, did a handstand, ending in a split, then with a crack of his whip, twirled off stage. Bakura leapt to his feet with a euphoric yell and darted toward the door marked `dancers only'.

 

Yami put the glasses away, straightened up the bar and was filling the bowls with pretzels and beer nuts when Malik's act began. Marik was leaning contentedly back in his chair, with a loony, expectant grin on his face as the music was cued up. As Malik strode onto the stage, Marik stopped grinning. Yami frowned. Bakura, being dragged by a now dressed Ryou to the table where their friends were sitting, paused and started laughing.

 

Malik paced down the stage wearing a formal business suit. His normally tousled hair was combed and gelled into strict order. His grey, conservatively cut slacks didn't have so much as a wrinkle. The matching jacket was unbuttoned, showing a starchy, white shirt and a black pin-strip tie. Matching black loafers, buffed to a mellow shine, hardly made a sound as he walked, with one hand casually hooked into one pocket.

 

Yami grinned as Marik stood up, his mouth opened in protest. Malik merely turned away and slowly started to dance.

 

Yami looked around for a second, found an unopened bottle of whiskey, caught up a glass and slid out from behind the bar. He walked over to the table and set the bottle and the glass down. “Good luck to you.”

 

Marik, watching his light casually toss his jacket off, nodded and filled the glass. “Thanks.”

 

Yami turned away, heading for the table where his little light was talking with the others. “I'll be on break for a bit. When you run out. I think Bakura still might have some scotch.”

 

Marik nodded again, eyes glued to where Malik was slowly unbuttoning his shirt, seemingly oblivious to his yami. Marik sat down, looking puzzled. “Pharaoh, what is he doing?”

 

“Ignoring you.” Yami called back, winding his way through the crowd and humming happily to himself.

 

“… I just felt so used.” Honda sighed, as Yami approached.

 

Yugi, Mai, Anzu, Ryou and Duke all nodded sympathetically. Bakura, shook his head and took another gulp of scotch. Mai was sipping her drink, with her arm wrapped protectively around Anzu's waist. Yugi sat next to Honda, patting him comfortingly on the back. Duke was nodding and playing with his hair.

 

Honda covered Yugi's hand with his and shook his head. “I never thought something like that could happen to me.”

 

Yami caught an unused chair from a nearby table and set himself at the end of the table. “What happened?”

 

“Shhh.” Mai glanced over to him. “It's Honda's turn to share.”

 

Duke opened his mouth, looked unsure, flipped his hair and looked down at his cocktail napkin. “Uh..he's just so cute when he's…ah…” he looked uncertainly at where Honda was being comforted by Yugi, “angry.”

 

Bakura groaned, shaking his head.

 

Ryou hugged him and whispered to Yami. “He's feeling a bit…drunk.

 

“Ahem, it's Honda's turn.” Anzu whispered back warningly.

 

“Turn for what?” Yami looked around his friends, puzzled.

 

“We formed a support group.” Honda leaned back in the booth casually, apparently done with his sharing.

 

“Yep. We all have tragic pasts.” Yugi snitched Honda's glass of gin and tonic and sniffed it suspiciously.

 

“I was raped and beaten mercilessly by my father.” Honda yawned, watching Malik toss his loafers over his shoulder.

 

“So was I.” Duke twirled his earring.

 

“Me too.” Yugi grinned happily, swirling the drink in his fingers.

 

“Ditto.” Mai lounged back in the booth, cuddling Anzu and sipping her drink.

 

“Same here.” Bakura hiccupped, then fell face first on the table.

 

“I'm a little low on family, living alone and all, but Bakura does his best.” Ryou, hugging Bakura's unconscious form lovingly. “I'm probably going to slit my wrists later, then Kura will realize just how much he loves me and is going to kill himself in remorse.”

 

Anzu smiled perkily, “I'm going to turn into a heartless bitch in a little bit, so I thought I'd join too. See, I'm slated to murder everyone with a chain saw in a week or two.”

 

“You mean just like that Freddy guy?” Yugi asked sipping Honda's drink.

 

“I think you mean Michael from that Halloween movie. Freddy had those creepy hand thingies.” Honda shrugged.

 

“Oooo. I want creepy hand thingies!” Anzu looked at her hands, flexing her fingers.

 

“Nah, I like the chain saw.” Honda made chainsaw swinging motions, nearly smacking Yugi in the face.

 

“Hey, saw a movie where they used a electric drill.” Duke frowned, pinging his earring thoughtfully with his finger.

 

“Hmmm.” Anzu looked over to where Malik was all but doing a lap dance for a pimply cowboy, “That's really a good idea. My dad's got a really nice cordless drill. The battery lasts forever. I could do major damage with that.”

 

“Yeah!” Yugi bounced happily in his seat, “Then I could use it to kill myself with later if it still has a charge!”

 

“WHAT!” Yami fell off his chair.

 

“Well, yeah. After Anzu electric drills everyone to death, then I can miraculously kill her, then kill myself in grief over everyone's tragic passing.”

 

“This could work.” Mai nodded thoughtfully.

 

“No, this could not work.” Yami got to his feet, yanking his light out of the booth. “You are getting new friends.”

 

“Yami.” Yugi shrugged free and turned and glared at him. “I am not getting new friends. We have a support group. That means we support each other.” He pointed to where Marik was sitting. “Why don't you go support Marik. He looks like he needs a friend.”

 

“Your friends are discussing electric drilling you to death.” Yami hissed.

 

Yugi waved his finger again. “Yami, part of a good support group is that we don't make value judgments. How are we supposed to help each other if we kept saying things like “I won't be your friend because you want to drill me to death.” It wouldn't work. Now, either go talk to Marik or go back to work.”

 

Yami opened his mouth.

 

Duke cleared his throat, twirled his earring and muttered. “Why don't you get me a drink…hottie boy.”

 

Yami jerked around and looked at him. “What?!”

 

Duke looked pleadingly at Mai, then flipped his hair, twirled his earring again and looked away. Honda smacked him then grabbed the cocktail napkin that sat in front of Duke and crumpled it up. Mai sighed, shaking her head and rolling her eyes.

 

Yugi, looking a bit desperate, grabbed Yami and hauled him over to the bar. “Why don't you just take a few minutes of you time.”

 

“I don't want me time. I want sending people to the Shadow Realm time.” Yami snarled, unsuccessfully trying to free himself from his light.

 

“No. No sending people to the Shadow Realm.” Yugi shoved him behind the bar. “We've been over that before. Now I have to get back to my meeting.” He pointed to the rows of liquor bottles. “You work.”

 

He gave his dark a small push in the right direction, then with a warning glare, walked back to his friends. Yami seethed, glaring at the group with narrowed, glowing eyes.

 

“Hey, Pharaoh, you off your little break yet.” Marik leaned over the counter waving the empty bottle of whiskey.

 

Yami growled at him and Marik shrugged. “Oh, don't get all pissy. You can send the lot of them to the Shadow Realm later, when your little aibou isn't looking.”

 

Yami nodded, smiling a cold, narrow, little smile. “Excellent thought. Duke goes first.”

 

Marik sat on a stool and plunked the bottle down. “Personally, I'd go after Anzu before she gets home and finds that drill.”

 

Yami nodded, exchanging the bottle for another one. “Good point.” He looked over to Malik, who was now dancing in a small pin-strip thong. “Why isn't Malik over with the others? Didn't his father actually burn those hieroglyphics…”

 

“He has me.” Marik pulled out the Millennium Rod. “Great thing this rod. It's instant therapy.” He rapped it on the edge of the bar. “Maybe we should make a few more. What do you think?”

 

“That sounds good, I've got the Millennium Hair Gel.” Honda sauntered up with the others just behind him, twanging his hair. “I can't tell you how great it's made my life.”

 

“Millennium Lipstick” Mai blew a kiss waving a small gold tube with a Millennium Eye on it.

 

“Millennium Dice.” Duke tossed a bright, gold set of dice across the bar. Two Millennium Eyes rolled face up.

 

“I have the Millennium Smiley Face Pin.” Anzu tapped a gold button on her shirt, that had one Millennium eye with a wide smile under it.

 

It suddenly seemed that everyone in the bar turned and smiled happily at Yami, pulling Millennium Items out and showing them to him.

 

“I have the Millennium Jacks.”

 

“The Millennium Can Opener.”

 

“Millennium Gold Cross Pen.”

 

“Millennium CD Player.”

 

“Millennium Boostier,” called a girl, slurping up the last of her daiquiri and pulling aside her jacket to show a gold boostier.

 

“Oooo I want that!” Mai's eyes widened appreciatively. “I'll trade you!”

 

Yami blinked at Marik. “Seems someone already thought of your idea.”

~*~*~*

Review!

 

Daebird: All righty! One of my little orphans will get a good home. I'm so happy. I actually managed to weave in a few that I was afraid I wouldn't be able to fit, but Bakura mugging people for lunch money, muggers having to take a number in dark alleys to attack Ryou and Yami's long lost and forgotten daughter, who has magically been transported through time to become Pegasus' adopted daughter, who is now in school with everyone and has gotten Kaiba to fall madly in love with her are all up for adoption. Oh, did I mention she is abused by her mentally ill adoptive daddy and has inherited all her natural father's shadow magic? Mary Sues eat your heart out.

 

dragonlady222: Thanks. I'm happy you liked it. It's been fun to write.

 

Sorceress Sarrkh:, Who said I ditched Sapphire? She's just off stage for a bit. Just wait to see her return. The evil contest is still up for grabs. Now that Yugi's had his try at making Yami miserable, it's Yami's turn to get a little of his own back.