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| "Just Roomies" Reviews/Comments [ 690 ] | | Pages (46): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 › » ] | Title: helloo...and some advice
Reviewed By: Cherrysinger [MediaMiner Member] On: August 30, 2006 19:34 EDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Nice...although I didn't read the lemony parts (which was a lot) but update soon! I'm curious. Anyway, you have great raw writing talent, however, I think that you could use a more editing and then it could be amazing. You tend to give ideas out sort of randomly, like the Hojo thing just disappeared as soon as Inuyasha soothed Kagome's fears. And Hojo had said that he wanted to go out with her again and stuff, so I find it a bit disbelieving that he just didn't make contact with her at all. A lot of things seem to pop up and then disappear, with not a lot of transition. But it's because you ARE inately a good writer that made everything still good to read. You need to stop making your characters say or act stuff spontaneously, and then suddenly out of no where they regret their actions or something. You know that third-person means that you can switch between a character's thoughts without having to seperate it by a chapter? Okay, and I think that me giving you one more piece of advice that I find to be very useful will help you a great deal (er...I just realized it myself, because I was doing the same thing as you on a different website), a story is one continuous series of events. It's very smooth, it's just something that happened to a bunch of people and chapters by themselves don't determine seperate things. It's just one whole story, but divided in chapters to make it more convenient to read. So don't think of it in terms of, what should I put in this chapter? Or, I didn't do enough of that last chapter so I should make up for it in this next chapter. That is not the way to think. Things end up choppy and stuff, and I think that the really, really great authors are so successful with their story in part because of this. Whether they're aware that they're not seperating things mentally with each chapter or not, they do it anyway. So anyhow, I think that may help you with your choppiness. But overall, great story! And update when you have the chance! What do you do, anyway? (sorry, hehe I don't read author's notes) XD See ya!
| Title: helloo...and some advice
Reviewed By: Cherrysinger [MediaMiner Member] On: August 30, 2006 19:34 EDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Nice...although I didn't read the lemony parts (which was a lot) but update soon! I'm curious. Anyway, you have great raw writing talent, however, I think that you could use a more editing and then it could be amazing. You tend to give ideas out sort of randomly, like the Hojo thing just disappeared as soon as Inuyasha soothed Kagome's fears. And Hojo had said that he wanted to go out with her again and stuff, so I find it a bit disbelieving that he just didn't make contact with her at all. A lot of things seem to pop up and then disappear, with not a lot of transition. But it's because you ARE inately a good writer that made everything still good to read. You need to stop making your characters say or act stuff spontaneously, and then suddenly out of no where they regret their actions or something. You know that third-person means that you can switch between a character's thoughts without having to seperate it by a chapter? Okay, and I think that me giving you one more piece of advice that I find to be very useful will help you a great deal (er...I just realized it myself, because I was doing the same thing as you on a different website), a story is one continuous series of events. It's very smooth, it's just something that happened to a bunch of people and chapters by themselves don't determine seperate things. It's just one whole story, but divided in chapters to make it more convenient to read. So don't think of it in terms of, what should I put in this chapter? Or, I didn't do enough of that last chapter so I should make up for it in this next chapter. That is not the way to think. Things end up choppy and stuff, and I think that the really, really great authors are so successful with their story in part because of this. Whether they're aware that they're not seperating things mentally with each chapter or not, they do it anyway. So anyhow, I think that may help you with your choppiness. But overall, great story! And update when you have the chance! What do you do, anyway? (sorry, hehe I don't read author's notes) XD See ya!
| Title: ARRGGHHH!!!
Reviewed By: kaye_kay28 [MediaMiner Member] On: August 29, 2006 16:33 EDT
Comment/Review:
D': KIPPUUU-CHAANN!! wen tha flippin' heck are you coming bak to continue writing this?!?!?! it's so sad. but i guess i juss hope ur training's going well & tat you come bak to an internet access soon w/ lots & lots of awesome ideas to finish off this fanfic. cus i'm flippin' DYING to kno how tha freak this ends!!! :/
| Reviewed By: Suikidoen On: August 16, 2006 14:43 EDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
NOOOO!!! :'( plz update soon that was almost a month ago i hafta c if she accepts..wait no SHE BETTER ACCEPT!!
| Title: Drowning in anticipation!
Reviewed By: HopelesslyEscaflowne [MediaMiner Member] On: July 18, 2006 04:13 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
I have to say that I can't wait to see what happens next between Inuyasha and Kagome! I mean, if he does propose and if she accepts they still have to wait 2 YEARS!! Personally, if that were me, that'd just be agonizing and Inu and Kags can't even spend two days apart from one another, lol. I hope Inuyasha gets a clue and stops being such a dumbass! :P I enjoyed reading your story but I did find sometimes that some of your chapters were really short, although I do understand since you may have been rushed. The whole situation b/w Inu and Kags in your story was very original I must say, not necessarily the roomates thing, but how their relationship started as well as the following events. It was very well-written and you always had me in suspense with the desire to read the next chapter. There were quite a few grammatical errors, especially in earlier chapters, while in the later chapters there were decidedly less errors. Keep up the good work and, just to let you know, I am dying to find out what happens next so I hope you do update in August or asap. ^^
| Title: update
Reviewed By: Ookami Suriya [MediaMiner Member] On: July 14, 2006 09:39 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Mou....please update soon, the best chapter (other then le lomon chapters ^_~) is up next! Love the story! I cried.. =P Ookami Hime Suriya
| Reviewed By: mangadreams On: July 08, 2006 22:49 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
luv your story. really enjoyed it. gl with training and hope you get a great duty station!!
| Reviewed By: Princess of Saulsburg On: July 06, 2006 04:23 EDT
Comment/Review:
-dies alittle- gah no more? -tear- update pleeeeeeeeease!?!?
| Reviewed By: underwater963 [MediaMiner Member] On: July 06, 2006 01:39 EDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Just wanted to say good luck and that I'm looking forward to the update!
| Reviewed By: kagome313 [MediaMiner Member] On: July 04, 2006 10:35 EDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I'm sure we all understand, I do. After, your life isn't just about entertaining complete strangers, and you dont get paid either. I'll just be patient like i've been n keep thanking Kami that you haven't decided to jus stop writing and job the fics. I really love all your stories, n i love you for writing such wonderful stories. You really are a great author. I'll be patien. ^.^ ja!
| Title: awww??
Reviewed By: kaye_kay28 [MediaMiner Member] On: July 01, 2006 22:20 EDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
aw???? do you kno where ur gunna be shipped off to??? ::sighs:: well. . . as long as you can finish this. :) i love youuuu!!!! love, erica.
| Reviewed By: Genie07 On: July 01, 2006 02:15 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 2 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 4 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 3 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
It's such a good story! it's not just sex, it ha a storyline behimd it and the pressure and suspense builds up after each chapter. I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!
| Title: waaay suspense.
Reviewed By: silver_angel_demon [MediaMiner Member] On: June 29, 2006 14:29 EDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
damn. i read this story and came to that author's note DREADING the thought of that next chapter NEVER coming. and now im a friggen mess wondering what the fuck is gonna happen!!!! i wish you all the luck in the world and god speed. damn the suspense is killin me.
| Reviewed By: JEN-OF-EVE On: June 26, 2006 05:52 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
omg this is sooo good!! i read the entire thing straight through!!! good luck to you.
| Title: i admire you
Reviewed By: jaxxxon On: June 26, 2006 02:56 EDT
Comment/Review:
for what you're doing, and as much as i love "just roomies", it's undertandable that you've enlisted and you're in training aNd will soon be on your way to the "action". be safe and write when you can, but life is your priority. other readers should understand that as well. best of luck and wishes to you. GANBATE YO!
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