|
| "Stranded" Reviews/Comments [ 33 ] | | Pages (3): [ 1 2 3 › » ] | Reviewed By: Islandfoxx On: December 30, 2012 23:44 EST
Comment/Review:
There's quite a logistical error in the beginning that bugs me and that's the time it takes to get to Jamaica from Miami. It takes just over 1.5 hrs not anywhere near the 3 hrs you're suggesting. It's around 500 or so miles from Miami. I make this trip often so that's been bugging me. Otherwise it's an entertaining story | Title: On A Side Note...
Reviewed By: Inu-Rinoa [MediaMiner Member] On: December 16, 2008 16:48 EST
Comment/Review:
Here is my personal opinion on your fiction. I see that not everybody appreciates your take on characterization. First off let me just say that this is your freedom and your right, the whole point of fan-fiction is to portray a different take on a well known character ie; what you would like them to be or something you would like to see them do. As for your plot line not being believable, can I just say, Scarface? I will not go on and on correcting the many faults that others have found with your fic but I will say "Don't take everything so damn seriously!" it's a work of fiction, with the word fiction being the centerfold! In closing, you kick ass!
| Reviewed By: GrayPheonix [MediaMiner Member] On: October 27, 2008 00:07 EDT
Comment/Review:
Bad character analysis and leaps in personality that while in an extreme situation MIGHT happen, it is extremely unlikely in a situation of being stuck on an island with a man or woman you've known less than 6 hours, and have been pissed off at the entire time. Sexual tension, yes. Attraction, maybe, going with instincts to fight, fuck, and deal with an intruder on the island you set up on? Doubtful. Main point? You don't handle this realistically. Your character interpretations are flawed, massively OOC, and verge on being OC's in your own scripted romance novel that verge on outright porn, and have only stopped because realized halfway through writing the scene "aw crap, I can't write them doing it yet, it's too soon, and I don't want to scrap all my work. Oh, I know! I'll have a flimsy or psychologically damaging excuse suddenly appear! Yay, problem solved!" Seriously, that's how this reads. Even though Kagome is 30 or so here, and Inuyasha is well, himself, neither of them is close to canon material. However, you made a good initial attempt at projecting their lives onto the canon personalities. Too bad you got mixed up in the banter, and not in the actual give and take that happens in canon, or the difficult love life they have in the manga is teenage angst, not the sort of relationship they'd have if they met and lived in modern times. Take that into account. Still, you put in a decent amount of work into this, but the overall story seems rather contrived. Next time you do a story, plan things out more, have more story details and side plots put together (like what was Koga doing there, was he to keep an eye on Kagome for Naraku, or eliminate Inuyasha by making sure he got on the plane?). Take into account, that's what a good writer does, with every encounter serving a purpose, and every word of dialogue shading in the details of a character's personality. I know this is long-winded, and you've probably not read through all of this, but if you have, most of the advice I'm giving is what good fanfic writers and even professional writers do. Don;t continue to write crappy stories, but reread your work and realize the mistakes, and edit it before you post. You have good ideas for plot, but you need to think through HOW to make it work. Not to mention the characterization issues. Then again, characterization IS hard, so you tried, and now you need to learn from your mistakes. For instance, instant leaps of logic can happen, but sudden shifts in sexual mode from loving to dominating? Happens, but show a buildup of emotion that leads to it, or alternatively, not the character. Inuyasha is himself in total control of his actions, he never jumped Kagome in the manga or anime because it wouldn't be right, he wanted her, but was held back by fears of someone he loves being mocked and ridiculed like his mother, or his children being ostrasized like he was as a child. These are issues explicit in the manga, and might hold back Inuyasha in canon timelines. Even in this story, it would still be a concern to him, not to mention that his profession might be a bigger issue (it just being brushed off seems oddly out of place to be done by a cold hearted woman that you've portrayed Kagome as). For that matter, why does she suddenly realize Inuyasha wouldn't hurt her? She goes from fearful of her life to suddenly repentant? It would take more than that, I think, though you did do a decent job, though that needs more work. Overall, not a bad start, but it DEFINITELY needs a serious overhaul. Note that I said it isn't bad, but it isn't good either. Seriously, go back, and reread your work, don't just skim it, read it and see the issues throughout it. If you realize the problems, get started on rewriting it. Anyway, it needs work, like I said, but it has some decent ideas. Neh. Continue to write, and especially EDIT your work. Ja ne.
| Title: arizonasiren
Reviewed By: arizonasiren [MediaMiner Member] On: October 22, 2008 01:25 EDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Yea!! Can't wait to find out how they get out of this mess. Looking forward to next update.
| Reviewed By: Chaya_09 [MediaMiner Member] On: November 27, 2007 23:10 EST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Inuyasha, Shippou, and Hiten aren't really dead! right?
| Reviewed By: Sango_the_taijiya [MediaMiner Member] On: November 27, 2007 18:56 EST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Great update! I've been following this story on AFF.net since the beginning and I am hooked. It's very well written. There are hardly any spelling or grammar errors and that makes it easier for me to read. Good job!!! P.S. Thanks for reviewing my story! I'll be updating either tonight or tommorrow, depending on when my friend is finished editing it.
| Reviewed By: Fookie [MediaMiner Member] On: October 05, 2007 21:46 EDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
OHMYGOD! Ahhh! I can't believe it. I love how bitchy you make Kagome in the beginning. I like how she stayed that way and is still somewhat like it. You didn't just change her off. I so guessed that Naraku killed Sesshomaru and Inuyasha's parents. Ahaha. Anywho, I really really like the story and I'm like hooked. You need to update soon, okay? I really can't wait to hear what happens to Rin and Kagome. Don't let anything too bad happen to her! Ahaha anyway, Lovely story!
| Reviewed By: @__@ On: May 22, 2007 06:29 EDT
Comment/Review:
You finally updated, thank you for that! ^^ please update real soon
| Title: *gasp* Egad
Reviewed By: XxRuler_of_the_DarknessxX [MediaMiner Member] On: April 21, 2007 09:03 EDT
Comment/Review:
Sessomaru is being nice!!. I almost fainted when I read that^^LoL. Anyway, please update soon!
| Reviewed By: Autumn_the_Reviewer [MediaMiner Member] On: April 16, 2007 01:03 EDT
Comment/Review:
whooo hooo! keep updating! from the sounds of it, it seems like its almost over, i can't wait to read the rest of the chapters, its such a good story!!!! Keep up the good work!
| Reviewed By: invisblg9 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 13, 2007 17:24 EDT
Comment/Review:
whoa! Naraku is gonna rape her? that's real heavy. I hope Inuyasha gets there in time before Naraku takes just a little too much blood from her. Anyways, it's really good!
| Reviewed By: invisblg9 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 13, 2007 07:11 EDT
Comment/Review:
well, its about time inuyasha's demon put her in her place! I bet she won't think les of him anymore! Any ways, grammar and everything is awesome as well as the story!
| Reviewed By: @__@ On: April 13, 2007 03:11 EDT
Comment/Review:
Love the story. Hope you update soon
| Title: chapter3
Reviewed By: invisblg9 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 12, 2007 21:13 EDT
Comment/Review:
uh oh. looks like Kagome's stuck with him. Oh well, at least he put her in her place! i absolutely love it so far!
| Reviewed By: invisblg9 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 12, 2007 20:42 EDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
WOW!! I was shocked at first that you turned Kagome into an uptight bitch and the way she acted to everybody. I feel sorry for them. Although, i must say that I was laughing pretty hard at Inuyasha's rude remarks and I most definately agree with him; if it were me, i would've already made her remember her place. :smacks Kagome across face and smiles sarcastically: Hey! if you would have met anyone like that, tell me you'd do the same! Anyway that was great!
| | Pages (3): [ 1 2 3 › » ] |
|
|
