| "Puberty Sux" Reviews/Comments [ 55 ] |
| Pages (4): [ 1 2 3 4 > » ] |
Reviewed By: rukimakino On: February 09, 2003 17:19 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Ten meaning great ^^;;; I wuvvies Jenruki's!! ^.^ Is this gonna be a lemon? ^^;;; I mean, it's practically R ^^;;;;;;;; Hehe..Hot Jennie=good :p Hm...dreams of death..meaning he's changing, eh? Ah..the wonders of puberty :p ^^;;;;
Ooh! Can you email me when the next chapt. gets up?! rukimakino_aka_jenryazgurl@yahoo.com tha's tha one!!
~~rukimakino~~ |
Reviewed By: The Mad Poet [MediaMiner Member] On: June 05, 2002 11:01 CDT
Comment/Review:
. . .Thinking nothing of glowy jewelry is generally speaking NOT a very smart thing to do, Jen-chan. . .-.-; Oi, men.
Kudos Kaden, veeeeeery interesting. . .;.; Why such short chapters though? Or anyway, they seem short. . .:x |
Reviewed By: The Demon Moogle [MediaMiner Member] On: May 30, 2002 18:18 CDT
Comment/Review:
Hallo, I came and read your fic because somebody asked me to give it a -CRITICAL REVIEW-. I'm not gonna tell you who. But before I begin (and I do hope that no one is mad once they finish reading all this, especially you Kaden o.O;;) there are a few things I would like to tell you. I am not, and don't think I'll ever be, a perfect writer. I love Digimon, fanfics, and Jenruki. Now that that's out of the way, on with the review!
Alright, I noticed a few things overall and in each of the individual chapters. Kaden, you tend towards really short, choppy sentences. A few more commas, transition words, and compound sentences would make everything more fluid (considering these are supposed to be thoughts) and a lot less 'See Spot Run. Run Spot Run." Also, in the first chapter, and I did notice that this problem showed up less often in the later chapters, you didn't use very many contractions. That made your sentences sound really weird because you were still using slang. Oh, and you miss-spelled 'familar' (you wrote it 'familier' and I do realize that some people spell it 'familiar', which looks better to me anyways) and added another 'l' in the word 'alittle', which is sometimes just split into two seperate words. Hey, whatever fits your style.
In chapters two and six, when 'the voice' spoke to Jenrya in his mind it didn't sound very realistic. This might be due to the word choice you used for the voice and also that, once again, there were very few punctuation marks made. And I think another thing that might have helped was that it called him 'Jen'. Not Janglang, not Jenrya, not Li, but -Jen-. Maybe I'm just picky and old fashioned, but scary evil voices, unless they are obviously -mocking- you, do not use annoying nicknames. I also noticed that in chapter six when you said, 'She lied motionless in my arms', it should have been, 'She lay motionless in my arms'.
Chapter three didn't have very many problems, but the word 'proclaimed' seemed very out of place when Jenrya and Ruki were talking in the restaurant.
In chapter four you used an un-needed exclamation point after 'I bolted up in my desk' which looked very silly there. Also, the teacher's reaction to Jenrya's outburst didn't seem fitting. If you yelled out 'no' in the middle of class, would your teacher be that understanding and not reprimand you for sleeping in class and then disrupting it? If so, I'll trade you. Right now.
You also tend to use very little description in areas where it's obvious that you want the reader to have a pretty good idea of what something looks like. This was especially noticeable in chapter six, where you were trying to describe how Ruki and the surroundings looked.
Well, that's the end of my review. I would like to add that I -DID- like the story, and I hope that you get the next chapter up soon. Oh, and by the way, why are Ruki and her mother so distant? Is this AC from the series' ending? And if it is, I think it might be a good idea to mention that in your next disclaimer/note/whatever. Ja, and good luck! ^^;;v |
Reviewed By: Squall On: May 09, 2002 19:05 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Its awesome! Hope ya continue^_^ |
Reviewed By: GameGirl [MediaMiner Member] On: April 21, 2002 23:39 CDT
Comment/Review:
I'd be so mad if someone slashed my tires!
Oh, and I fixed that little miss up for DEJA VU. 2 & 3 are up! I hope you'll like it! |
Reviewed By: Allimon [MediaMiner Member] On: April 19, 2002 18:55 CDT
Comment/Review:
Sorry but i don't like to rate people!!!!i was a very good story though!your are so nice and ful of horror...mine are just stupidly funny...oh well.it least i get to read some good stories!!!:) |
Reviewed By: Allimon [MediaMiner Member] On: April 19, 2002 18:54 CDT
Comment/Review:
Sorry but i don't like to rate people!!!!i was a very good story though!your are so nice and ful of horror...mine are just stupidly funny...oh well.it least i get to read some good stories!!!:) |
Reviewed By: Mimi, Myself, & Iz. [MediaMiner Member] On: April 19, 2002 00:40 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Yikes! The horror continues! And I don't mean the slashed tires! Please continue soon!
~ Jodi S. |
Reviewed By: Digifan316 On: April 18, 2002 13:47 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
TOM: He has visions of hurting the ones he loves, and nightmares of being Hentai.
CROW: GASP! HE'S TURNING INTO A HOLLYWOOD AGENT!
ALL: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
BRIAN: A+ |
Reviewed By: Cheshire cat [MediaMiner Member] On: April 18, 2002 12:15 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Very cool!! I like the smiling puppet!! *evil grin* I bet it ~was~ Juri who slashed his tires.. It had to have been.
Impy: Jen's having a bad day.. Heehee. Very cool. :)
Chesh: Yup! Can't wait for the next ch! Good luck! Ja! ;) |
Reviewed By: Silva Noir [MediaMiner Member] On: April 18, 2002 12:03 CDT
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
(chapter 6) ewww. Its not good to kiss dead people. |
Reviewed By: Kaden Z Fukuyama [MediaMiner Member] On: April 15, 2002 07:16 CDT
Comment/Review:
@ hoshi: I hate juri with a passion. If you will look at my fanart *under the name Kaden Z Fukuyama* you will find that something bad will happen to her. |
Reviewed By: Hoshi Tatsu On: April 13, 2002 04:18 CDT
Comment/Review:
Tight! Tight! Hoshi wants a lemon!!!!! |
Reviewed By: Kaden Z Fukuyama [MediaMiner Member] On: April 12, 2002 08:26 CDT
Comment/Review:
@ DarkRaptramon : I will not write any lemony scenes in this. Its rated R for later chapters |
Reviewed By: GameGirl [MediaMiner Member] On: April 11, 2002 20:01 CDT
Comment/Review:
It's kinda funny reading this fic and Suzie hasn't hanged a bit when in my fic, well, she's a bit different. Anyway, continue! |
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