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| "Eyes piercing the darkness" Reviews/Comments [ 58 ] | | Pages (4): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 › » ] | Reviewed By: Miheran [MediaMiner Member] On: August 20, 2008 23:25 EDT
Comment/Review:
great update with a clever way of Naruto showing Neji how to have a better life. i would have reviwed sooner, but i've been stick with a stack of home work and the such. good news is i've finally finished the prologue and first chapter of my storie, even if i don't think the series is well known. well i can't wait for the next chapter. Kepp writing
| Title: Faster than a speeding bullet... or some guy who has never ejaculated before
Reviewed By: GoblinKing2112 [MediaMiner Member] On: August 06, 2008 04:30 EDT
Comment/Review:
I really wasn't expecting such a fast response, but no matter. The Foetus of a New Day Kicking! The Kingdom of Flowers was a bit... sad :( Now... A psychic? Really? Physical Contact Telepathy/Mind Reading is actually one of the origional powers of my Uber-Insane guy mentioned in my first two reviews of this story. Though his only constraint was physical contact, not needing to touch their forehead, though he does imitate the Vulcan Mind-Meld so as to make his opponents underestimate him. Relatively easy considering that the only people that have knowledge of him don't do ANYTHING to incur his wrath. He has no quams about wiping out an entire race or culture, though he does limit it to those deserving such measures like Nazis. As for ruling with an Iron Fist? I shudder at the thought. Hanicas (my uber-bad-ass I speak so much about and my primary avatar) would sooner annihilate his family than rule with an Iron Fist. As his capabilities attest, he travels dimensions and has seen the likes of Stalin and Guya-Guya Shitero (supposedly translated as limp-dick or impetant) Orochimaru, devourer of Santorum (A frothy mixture of seaman and lube that is the byproduct of anal sex), and as such steers away from such things. And besides, the Goliath Empire is NOT an empire, just a reference to the core group which only numbers 85 people. Goliath refers to the IMMENSE power many of them contain, like an uber version of Miroku's Wind Tunnel or lacking any special powers, but whose sword skills are so great they can literally split the heavens with even a rusty pipe (Seriously, though she usually does so only to create a tear in the fabric of reality so she can travel home). The legion part refers to the mortal inhabitants of Hanicas's personal galaxy sized pocket dimension. He actually has about 13000 worlds MORE densely populated than the city planet Coruscant from Star Wars (Archologies my friend) by a minimum of 3x. And it also helps he has the technology to make such a large population NOT implode. He is pretty much a throwback to the days of the world destroyers from Dragon Ball Z. He gets away with such might be restricting his power output, sort of like Alucard from Hellsing, but it is completely voluntary and their is no force actually restricting it. No matter. Keep up the good work. And I am glad their is a new follower of Pro-Kop. The Goliath Commandment: Our Name is Goliath, and we are Legion Long live the Goliath!
| Title: You can dance if you want to
Reviewed By: GoblinKing2112 [MediaMiner Member] On: August 05, 2008 03:29 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Comment/Review:
Spelling and Grammar has maxed out: $50. Enjoyment has increased by two ranks: $275. Style of Writing has not degraded: $80. The fact you E-Mailed me to let me know of the new chapter: Cookie Dough Sport and a one use ticket for all you can eat at the Samurai Delicatessen (What, expecting it to be priceless?). An eye is upon you, staring down and keenly through, seeing all that you are and everything that you can never be. I shall teach you to Pro-Kop now in payment. 1. Angle your fingers as claws. The better to shred your food. 2. extend your upper arms at a right angle from your torso. They must stay like this or the majesty is lost. 3. Bend your elbows at a right angle from your upper arms. They must stay like this to ensure proper flailing. 4. rotate one arm down so that the forearm is at a right angle compared to your chest, while the other forearm is rotated to be parallel to your upper torso. 5. Rotate one forearm up to be parallel to your torso while at the same time you rotate down the other arm to be at a right angle from your chest. 6. repeat dual rotation at high speeds. Optional: Thrash your head from side to side. Up down motion usually messes up the arm coordination. Now you know, and knowing is half the battle! I actually dance like that and does not require even standing up. Excellent when listening to rock and rap when sitting down. I have learned you all! Bow before my innanity! Keep up the good work, and try the Pro-Kop. It just might change your life. You decide if the change is good or not. Now, I want to test my new Signature, for it is representative of my characters. The Goliath Commandment Our Name is Goliath, and We are Legion Long live the Goliath!
| Reviewed By: mastermike89 On: July 28, 2008 01:46 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
this is a really great story i loved the part before the trial. im still laughing! WHO RUN THIS BITCH!!! man that was pure gold.
| Title: Tokei_Shiro
Reviewed By: Awesome On: July 24, 2008 13:30 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This story is so awesome! One of the best naruto fics ever! Finally someone who puts naruto on a team with a super strong guy and a super strong girl. Just what I want in a fic. Please keep those chapters coming, I look forward to your story! Ja ne!
| Title: Tokei_Shiro
Reviewed By: Awesome On: July 24, 2008 13:29 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This story is so awesome! One of the best naruto fics ever! Finally someone who puts naruto on a team with a super strong guy and a super strong girl. Just what I want in a fic. Please keep those chapters coming, I look forward to your story! Ja ne!
| Title: Tokei_Shiro
Reviewed By: Awesome On: July 24, 2008 13:29 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This story is so awesome! One of the best naruto fics ever! Finally someone who puts naruto on a team with a super strong guy and a super strong girl. Just what I want in a fic. Please keep those chapters coming, I look forward to your story! Ja ne!
| Reviewed By: HeartStar [MediaMiner Member] On: July 24, 2008 02:26 EDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This is so cool I hope that you can update as soon as you can.
| Reviewed By: Daianta [MediaMiner Member] On: July 18, 2008 07:59 EDT
Comment/Review:
oh, and just for the record JJ, i'm also a LeeTen fan. ^^ keep writing!
| Title: GOD DAMN!!!!
Reviewed By: xenmosh [MediaMiner Member] On: July 14, 2008 11:36 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This it one of the best fics I've read this year keep it up
| Reviewed By: Daianta [MediaMiner Member] On: July 14, 2008 07:56 EDT
Comment/Review:
hey jumperjacket, don't worry about your style of writing. i love it because it's your own style, and thats what sets you apart from everyone else. i like this story cuz it has proper fight scenes, and not a lot of people can write about it like you can. i look forward to reading your next chapter, and don't stop writing because it's great the way it is. xx
| Title: Get loose, Foot Loose!
Reviewed By: GoblinKing2112 [MediaMiner Member] On: July 14, 2008 04:15 EDT
Comment/Review:
Yippee!!! This story STILL has my attention even though it is getting harder and harder for me to stay with it. I for some reason like to stick with the show and modify it to include wierd things. Not only is Haku alive, so is Zabuza! Thank you!!! Of my own attempts to modify Naruto: Naruto (titled as Orphan later on to distinguish him) gets adopted after Tsunade is retrieved when Hinata is collected by her true father (she was kind of freaked out by him strangling Neji with his nose hairs), and retrieves Kubikiri Houcho and Haku's Hunter mask to use (despite being close to 50,000 years old he still is twelve years old wielding Kubikiri Houcho); Naruto becomes the Dark Heart (spoiler for my fic, though no one cares), God of children and sadness and professional child psychologist and Ultimate Bloodline and Demon power absorbing ninja, in a more divergent reality; The time travelling Naruto from 'The Flame of Youth' becomes Phoenix due to the technique he used for his travels, he actually gets Zabuza and Haku without a fight (also Hinata, Haku, and Temari have an interest in him; the fic will never be finished :"(); Naruto becomes Rampage (after his adopted mothers cannabalistic rages that have left entire worlds devastated) and keeps Haku and Zabuza alive, though they don't join (His mother is Tala, a blue-haired and furred twin tail ningen-kitsune with pyromaniac tendencies; am actually TRYING to turn this into a fic); In the unofficial records for my Doomlord Anthology that I have statted out, Naruto becomes Rutsubo after the Mizuki Incident and Haku and Zabuza high-tail it off of the bridge when he summons Shinigami and starts slaying Gato and his goons (explained in my story when written); Rutsubo's son gets sent to take Naruto's place in a divergent reality when the Kyuubi destroys the hospital before Naruto is born, and is raised as Naruto, When he is actually the Cherubaem son of a Seraphim and Rutsubo, and completely scares shitless everyone when he summons a Shoggoth to... excise Gato and his Goons from the bridge (Look up Shoggoth on Wikipedia; LOVECRAFT RULES!!!) and is titled as Tenshi henceforth. RANTS!!! And no, I have no idea why I would mention stuff that is unimportant. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! Just wish their was a reference to Wild Arms... I MISS YOU RUDY!!!
| Reviewed By: Miheran [MediaMiner Member] On: July 14, 2008 03:30 EDT
Comment/Review:
i was glad and annoyed when this chapter came out, glad becuase i get to see thext part of the story, annoyed because i still haven't finshed my chapter for my story yet:( anyway another good chapter and i hope i've got the first chapter of my story out by the time you put up your next chapter, and i also have to agree with you on the pairings of Naruto/Hinata and Lee/Ten Ten, also one of the rare fans,also who were the couple that you wanted to get together on Gundam Seed, i'm watching that at the moment, up to episode 14, and was wondering who was the couple you wanted to get together, also it might stop me from building up hope, but if i was you, i would just watch until the end of the series and then just write a fanfiction about them getting together, that is what everyone else does. anyway to stop me from rambling on good story and keep on writing
| Reviewed By: ReadingError1 [MediaMiner Member] On: July 08, 2008 15:01 EDT
Comment/Review:
ok not to seem like i am rambling on about this but i just finished the second chapter and i still love the story and now i realize how to look at your writing style it is more like you are writing a script than the usual way people do it like writing a book i like it now that i have a style to compare it to
| Reviewed By: ReadingError1 [MediaMiner Member] On: July 07, 2008 22:46 EDT
Comment/Review:
a slight edit to my earlier review i have noticed after looking closely that you do write it that way sometimes but not as often as your other way and also i have no real problem with it other than that since i read books i am used to the other way
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