| "Eyes piercing the darkness" Reviews/Comments [ 58 ] |
| Pages (4): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 ] |
Reviewed By: ReadingError1 [MediaMiner Member] On: July 08, 2008 15:01 EDT
Comment/Review:
ok not to seem like i am rambling on about this but i just finished the second chapter and i still love the story and now i realize how to look at your writing style it is more like you are writing a script than the usual way people do it like writing a book i like it now that i have a style to compare it to
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Reviewed By: ReadingError1 [MediaMiner Member] On: July 07, 2008 22:46 EDT
Comment/Review:
a slight edit to my earlier review i have noticed after looking closely that you do write it that way sometimes but not as often as your other way and also i have no real problem with it other than that since i read books i am used to the other way
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Reviewed By: ReadingError1 [MediaMiner Member] On: July 07, 2008 22:39 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 5 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
i like it dont stop it has great potential my only problem is that you didnt do it in more of a story form like a book where it would be more like example:"i hate you"said __ __ that is the only thing you could have done to make it better but i think it is great the way you did it
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Reviewed By: Deadberserker [MediaMiner Member] On: June 27, 2008 16:15 EDT
Comment/Review:
Awesome chapter, it answered a whole hell of a lot of questions. I do have to point out ask that you put more description into your battles. Other then that really good can't wait till the next chapter.
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Title: YOU STOLE MY QUOTE!!!
Reviewed By: GoblinKing2112 [MediaMiner Member] On: June 26, 2008 05:35 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Comment/Review:
Enjoyment of 5 is because I prefer to keep the villagers ignorant. For those who don't know, the Blood God I mentioned is Khorne from Games Workshop's Flagship titles Warhammer and Warhammer 40k. More Blood for the Blood God and it's sister Skulls for the Skull Throne are exclamation by his worshippers. Kill! Maim! Burn! is the chant ad infinum of Kharn the Betrayer (he fucks people up badly, though not as effective against otherworldly entities and big monstrous fuckers that rip apart the Baal-Rog from Lord of the Rings (which has a look alike as the main daemon of Khorne). I RANT!!! Still good. Kaiser Dragon... BREATH OF FIRE LIVES ON!!! In numbers II-IV that is the ultimate Dragon form of Ryu the Dragon Prince. If you did not know that, then you are kind of wierd for giving a german name to a dragon in a story based on a japanese oriented anime. DIGRESSION, RANTS, AND SEMANTICS ARE MY CHILDREN!!! And damn the Gamecube for only having 4 games I would actually play, otherwise I would have played Symphonia and bitch slapped it like Phantasia (the patched SNES version where Arche has a dream about having sex with the main character; the GBA version makes me think he tried to get her in on a prank in her dream since we only hear her exclamations). If Two Worlds, Two Ninja would be finished, as it is my only source of Symphonia. Now if you excuse me, I am changing into The Foetus Of A New Day Kicking (Kudos to those who know it). Oh yes, quotes... 'WAAAGH!!!' for charging, especially if you have an army of giant greenskins (Orks have cool calls, though this is the only one that translates correctly) or 'For the Greater Good!' if you have a socialist bent, but works better when said by an army focused on the use of advanced tech and God-Like Firepower. Now if you excuse me, I am TRYING to get my mind to stop thinking about my main man from my prevcious review using a jelly dildo in the places where you would use a kunai or as an impaling implement (oddly enough, in my mind he is Vlad the Impalers grandson, so only the impalement part is considered normal; YAY CASTLEVANIA!!!) Ja ne. It does mean good bye, right?
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Reviewed By: Miheran [MediaMiner Member] On: June 26, 2008 04:14 EDT
Comment/Review:
another addictive chapter which made me feel like a drug addict getting his high. as about you saying about the lazy part, i think you should be looking at me, i've been working on a story for three months and all i have written is 2300 words and i don't have writers block. can't what for the next chapter, zam
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Title: Regal
Reviewed By: A_bigfoot37 [MediaMiner Member] On: June 26, 2008 03:45 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
You are a fan of Tales of Symphonia, more specifically, Regal Bryant. There is no one who can be that descriptive with the way he fights with only using his legs while remaining shackled completely by choice. And you described one of the attacks made it obvious. Crescent Moon is one of the techniques Regal can use. Hope for more.
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Title: UraBaller
Reviewed By: ImaBaller On: June 25, 2008 22:05 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
mhmmm. Don't doubt your obvious skills please. Great story.
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Title: Enjoyable!
Reviewed By: Kingkakashi [MediaMiner Member] On: June 17, 2008 12:13 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
Wow, you sure know how to knock out a big first chapter. Overall, I really like this so far. Your writing style is different than what I'm use to. But the story itself is very creative and original. I'm very curious to see how you'll progress Naruto and Hinata's relationship. Since Naruto is a cross Vampire/Demon, is he going to have multiple mates or a some type of harem in this? Hinata obviously will always hold the #1 position. Since everyone seems to be 12yrs old, you might consider a time skip to further things along. Your fight scenes are vey detailed and well thought out. On a structure note, you do have some dialogue tagged onto third person paragraphs and sentences that you'll want to seperate for better and easier reading. I am however utterly confused with the "Chris and Jill" paragraph at the tail end of this? If they are to be characters in this, I would suggest giving them japanese names. I've never been a fan of western names in japanese based stories, jut a peev of mine. Also if Kyuubi is free, shouldn't she be a seperate entity from Naruto? And if so why is Naruto still claiming to be the Nine Tailed Fox and able to access her powers? Anyway, I don't want to bog you down with a novel of a review. I like the story and I'm definately curious to see where you'll take this. Let me know if I can help? You can use me as a sounding board for ideas if you want? Take it easy!
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Reviewed By: Boomerbambam On: June 09, 2008 14:59 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I really loved this fanfic. It is probably the best i have read. Considering I have read thousands of fanfics that says alot. I truely hope you continue this story. This is the way I always wanted to see naruto. I believe that the naruto in the anime was to goofy. Your charecter uses his powers to be the ultimate warrior. Instead of a scared lonely boy who can not stop crying. So, thank you for writing this story. Keep writing you got talent. peace out Boomer
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Reviewed By: spiritwolf33 On: May 29, 2008 09:51 EDT
Comment/Review:
Well what can I say so far I really like this story so is he going to be paired up with both Hinata and Hanabi if so that is cool but I will say this there was one part I thought was kinda stupid and that was when Naruto marked Hinata and he told her to look at her neck my question is how the hell can she look at her neck if she doesn`t have a mirror its like a dog running in circle trying to catch his tail lol sorry other than that I think this a really good story I just hope you are going to continue with it and not just post it and then never touch it like some jackasses do sorry again anyways please update soon
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Reviewed By: Miheran [MediaMiner Member] On: May 29, 2008 06:48 EDT
Comment/Review:
i found this story quite addictive after i started to read. i can't wait for the next chapter.
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Reviewed By: Deadberserker [MediaMiner Member] On: May 29, 2008 01:24 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
This is interesting I hope you continue it I reserve the right to criticize this until I have read more then one chapter. That being said I find the intense violence to be interesting and compelling. If you continue to right I'll continue to read and review.
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Reviewed By: GoblinKing2112 [MediaMiner Member] On: May 28, 2008 01:19 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Comment/Review:
Very interesting. Iwa was like lambs to the slaughter. A dark Naruto with an X-rating that does not involve rape or psychotic random acts of violence. And he was even randomly switching his combat style. I have a character that does that, though he specializes in confusing people since he rarely switches to a more effective fighting style, instead he will begin acting like a cross-between Monkey D. Luffy from One Piece and various characters from Bobobo by using their fighting styles. Gumo Gumo Gatling and Shredding Nose Hairs with a dash of Super Fist of the Backwind, all the while Goddess Blabs-A-Lot is in the background and wondering what the hell is going on. Oh, and don't forget Cyclops's Concussive Beam and the breathing of massive amounts of fire. That is like a super move from Street Fighter. Jill Valentine, Chris Redfield, and Claire Redfield from Resident Evil. I am guessing that is who the characters in the final paragraph are from, though since I have no idea who JJ is, it could just be a coincidence that they share the same names. The violence did earn an X-Rating, though barely, since if it corresponded to movie-ratings then it would more likely be a step down. Write more! Now if you excuse... MORE BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! (This is being screamed by a 3-year old running around with Zabuza's sword decapitating random people in Vatican City on Easter Sunday)
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Title: WHOA!
Reviewed By: Ta but o ku lao On: May 28, 2008 01:06 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Wow. You should really get a fanfiction account, and put this on there so I can add you to my faves. I LOVED IT, but Naruto is marking Hinata and they are only twelve. He's moving fast ain't he, but how does he feel about Hanabi. Does he have those feeling s for her too, or is it a brother/sister love? Huh. Huh!;/D
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| Pages (4): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 ] |
