| "An Experimental Lemon" Reviews/Comments [ 69 ] |
| Pages (5): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 5 ] |
Reviewed By: Shadow2003 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 08, 2003 22:25 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Damn that was cool thought I only read the first chap kagome masterbaiting now that is cool. |
Reviewed By: Miyuki On: March 28, 2003 13:29 PST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 3 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 4 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Overall Rating: 6 of 10 Comment/Review:
Ack, calm DOWN!!! you use kinda odd words... I think that the first chapter was a little better and this chapter was kinda ummm really reavealing and kinda weird.. need more creativity. |
Reviewed By: Inu bullet [MediaMiner Member] On: March 27, 2003 19:11 PST
Comment/Review:
MAKE A THIRD! AND A FOURTH! AND A FIFTH! Need I go on? |
Reviewed By: Inu bullet [MediaMiner Member] On: March 27, 2003 19:08 PST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hot damn! that was some interesting shit! however, it takes them a minute or so for them to get over the vaginal invasion for the first time. the hardest part is filling the silence that comes with the waiting. well, for my part being the male, that is.
Poor little Souta... hearing his sister lose her vuginitah.
Now, what would be even more interesting is if souta was older than her and he busted in during the act with with a 12 gauge shotgun! Hell Yeah! "GET YOUR... JOLLY RANCHER OUT OF MY LITTLE SISTER, GOT DAMMIT!" BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! |
Reviewed By: Inu bullet [MediaMiner Member] On: March 14, 2003 18:56 PST
Comment/Review:
do this over, this time with Inuyasha. you used some... odd terms. funny, yet odd. |
Reviewed By: kagome3112 [MediaMiner Member] On: March 12, 2003 21:01 PST
Comment/Review:
I agree with that person who said they expected Inu to burst in the door..but i'm not really a big huge fan of lemons and all that. but it was rather interesting in my opionion I think you should continue writing it instead of leaving it there..and it kinda ended a lil too fast..i got a good idea of somthing that might be good for the next chapter...like kagome fell asleep well...make inuyasha sneaks into here room through her window to drag her back to his time..but all of a sudden she says his name folowed by a couple of moans..and stuff..he get's a rather ..should i say pervered idea and climes on to the bed with kagome..and wakes her up by:________!and well you can decide what happands next!
well as I said it was pretty interesting..but i think ya should add a couple more chapters i'm gonna rate this a 9/10 fanfic...for me to not like lemons that well this was pretty good..holla
~kagome3112@hotmail.com |
Reviewed By: Sauratos On: March 12, 2003 14:58 PST
Comment/Review:
uhhh....................... that was very................ unusual. stick to the normal lemons writer person. |
Reviewed By: Kell On: March 10, 2003 19:17 PST
Comment/Review:
well umm... maybe you should calm down a bit, and use nicer words. |
Reviewed By: some perverted guy On: March 10, 2003 18:40 PST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 4 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 5 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 6 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
It's not quite as original or as creative as it's billed, although it is set significantly earlier than any other lemon I can recall reading.
My biggest xomplaint is the semi-script formatting, where everything Kagome says is set in script while everything she does is set in a more regular narrative style. The setting should also be exposed by simple narration, not just an announcer telling us when and where. I would suggest going with straight up narrative and just working what she says into the actual story.
It's also a bit tedious. I kept expecting Inu-Yasha to come bursting in, and then bleed to death through his nose. It builds and builds, but there isn't quite a release since nothing more serious than masturbation occurs.
It is in dire need of another chapter, to address this. More, please!
These two things aside, it is an excellent read. It quickly suspends the disbelief, and sucks us into the reality of the fic quickly. That kinky fantasy Kagome has is a nice touch, too. Perhaps that should be followed up more.
Ideally, it should have a title vaguely related to the content, and idealy it should be hopelessly kinky to really point out that this is, in fact, a lemon. Something like "Dog-boy rides out," or something. "Dog-boy rides again" sounds better, but that would be a sequel.
I was impressed with the grammer and spelling, which is usually the single worst aspect of fanfiction. Definately worth attention.
Overall, it's worth the time and effort to read. |
| Pages (5): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 5 ] |
