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| "Dark Soul of the Future, White Heart of the Past (On hold)" Reviews/Comments [ 48 ] | | Pages (4): [ 1 2 3 4 › » ] | Title: Review
Reviewed By: crimsondragon [MediaMiner Member] On: February 25, 2008 19:26 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
My, Mr. Zeliz, this is really quite a piece. I genuinely think this is one of the best pieces of fan fiction I've read. Your characterization is quite good, and for all characters. You're original character, Kasaraki, is quite excellent, as he's far more intricate than the usual, "Bwahahah, I shall destroy the world, etc..." I think you're portrayal of Sango after the battle is quite fitting given her personal history, and frankly far more realistic than nearly anything I've read. Similarly, I believe you've done a wonderful job with Kikyo as well, though all characters were done at least decent(no offense intended, I tend to be a tad harsh. If no one's ever objective, these reviews are quite worthless). The fight was quite good, though I'm still baffled as to how Kasaraki could possibly have survived. Nevertheless, it still leaves much open, and the last few chapters leave the audience yearning for more. Now, I can understand from a personal perspective if you are not going to finish this writing, but from a purely objective point of view, I would very much like to see this finished out, especially given how the last few chapters end it currently. Please, if it is possible for your schedule and inspiration, finish this piece, as it truly is wonderful and deserves a quality finish, which, based on what I've read of your pieces, you are quite capable of doing. It would quite please me to see this finished, and if you're in need of an editor(for spell check pieces and such), I would be more than willing to offer my service.
| Reviewed By: Inuyasha_luvs_kagome_forever [MediaMiner Member] On: March 17, 2007 17:22 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
NNNOOOOOOOO!!! IT JUST CUTS OFF!!! YOU'RE EVIL!!! EEVVIILL I tell you!! Such sweet fluffies and angst monsters thrown in, I love it! I've never read a story that was set like an eposode, and I have to admit, it's damn good! Like Inu-Kun's kisses are addicting for Kagome, this story is for me!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE!!! In the name of all that is holy and anime PLEASE!!!! *GLOMPAGE!!!!* Have a cookie! *Holds out plate!*
| Reviewed By: Ayamai [MediaMiner Member] On: February 23, 2007 23:04 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 2 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Comment/Review:
I must apologize, I didn't read past the first few paragraphs, but I felt that I should at least leave you with the reason why I didn't read your whole fic: To many author's notes inside of the chapters. From what I read, it was starting to look pretty cool. Just keep a few things in mind. You can not take it easy on the beginning of the story. The first few paragraphs are critical if you want to get people "hooked" on your story. Do not include author notes in the middle of a chapter. Leave those at the beginning or end only. When you keep interrupting the story for those side notes it really takes away from the flow of the story. You would get me hooked in one paragraph, but I felt that I could never finish the thought you started, because you constantly interrupted yourself. Instead of writing an author's note to explain something, make it part of the story. I don't mind reading authors notes. In fact sometimes it's kind of nice to see what the author was thinking, but certainly not in the middle of a chapter, and at the expense of the story. Like I said before, you had me hooked, I wanted to read the story. The constant interruptions of your author's notes distracted me from your storytelling.
| Reviewed By: Fishchicken [MediaMiner Member] On: October 17, 2006 11:12 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I never intented to leave without reviewing, just thought i'd first read all the chapters since I see you've put it on hold. This is good, I really enjoyed reading this, you must really have given a lot of thought to this, it'll definitely be an amazing epic story. The text is good and I like the dialogue/monologue. It's good how the narrating and its style changes and adapts with the current state, thoughts and emotions of the characters, not only telling the current situation. I really like how you describe everything, like for example Kasaraki's resting place and his awakening, it really created the image. The atmosphere is great. The battle between Inuyasha and Kasaraki was awesome, must have more of this! Also I liked the lemon, it was like god-made, heh heh. And I don't think any of the characters are that out of character. People stay the same but their thoughts and opinions may change or deepen. The mind and personality evolve and grow, it's only natural that the characters have grown with the time. I think Sango's thoughts were realistic, or realistic enough. It's good how you brought up her case. Speaking of characters, your original character, Kasaraki, is awesome. I am really gonna love this guy (as a character). He's not your average villain, he has deep feelings, his own thoughts and lots of personality. Or I don't think he's a villain at all, just a person on a mission whose path crosses our heroes'. Antagonist wouldn't probably be the exact right word either. I see how everything we've learned about him so far will eventually be part of a bigger picture. The terror presence was a very good idea. I'm really looking forward to learn more about him, and what created the terror presence around him and earned him the name 'ruin bringer'. Also his weapon is rather interesting, what, or rather who is it, and why, what happened? Also the 'kuroi kaze no jigoku', could it have something to do with the 'ruin bringer' nickname? Maybe he in some point obtained some destructive powers that somehow also affected his mind. Very interesting. The story's sure to keep interested, especially when the plot has gone further as this seems very promising. The story has merely started, how long are you gonna make this? As it's obviously going to be very long and epic full of drama, I could imagine it going fairly past 100 chapters. I really enjoyed this and hope there will be more of this not too far in the future. Now I'll be checking your other fics.
| Reviewed By: pokiepal [MediaMiner Member] On: August 02, 2006 19:34 CDT
Comment/Review:
I am really enjoying this fic. I love a fic that keeps it in Inu's time and not always in Kegs. I thought that you should know though that you have an inconstiancy in chapter 5 and an earlier chapter. Here you said that Inu. didn't have his Tetsusaiga, but in an earlier chap you have Inu. saying that it was a good thing that he did have it or he would have turned full youkai while chasing Kags. You might want to re-think that. I an looking forward to reading the rest of the story. Keep up the good work!!!
| Reviewed By: Hikari no Yume [MediaMiner Member] On: November 03, 2005 09:18 CST
Comment/Review:
those thoughts were realistic and did u just do this chapter bcuz i don't remember reading it...
| Reviewed By: hikari no yume [MediaMiner Member] On: October 27, 2005 11:04 CDT
Comment/Review:
ur chapter five and six are the same thing...
| Title: Continuation of review
Reviewed By: hanyou_gurl004 [MediaMiner Member] On: September 20, 2005 14:39 CDT
Comment/Review:
With Time Soul Exodus, I have a slight idea where the fic is going and about when the climax will occur. WIth this fic, it's hard to say where it's going...maybe that's a good thing, but I don't feel that the plot is being developed to it's full potential. One thing I really LOVED about this fic were the quotes you put at the beginning of each chapter....those are great. I really liked the ones you had in chapters 1-7...they seemed almost proverbial in a sense. The ones after that were good, but they were more along the lines of an anime (where a speaker tells what's in store for the episode), maybe that's what you're shooting for, both types are really good, though! In this fic, more so than Time Soul Exodus, I really get the feel of a series and not just a story...great job with that!! I look forward to your next update!!
| Reviewed By: hanyou_gurl004 [MediaMiner Member] On: September 20, 2005 14:34 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hey!! Wats happening?? Just wanted to let you know that I finally caught up...didn't take as long as I thought, though. I must say, great job!! I don't know how you do it!! Once again, you have managed to astound me with the development of an OC. I can't get over how well-rounded Kasaraki is!! He has so much depth and personality and to top it all off, he's such an enigma. I can't understand him or his motives now but that makes me want that much more to find out about him. I really liked the chapter where you focused on him...Chapters 19, 20, and 21 were great!! One minor thing...sometimes it seems that the flashbacks that Kasaraki has are a bit confusing...I don't know if it's intentional or not, but sometimes, it seems that the flow of the story is a bit off during the flashback scenes. I LOVE your usage of adjectives!! Some of the names you came up with I never would have thought of...2 thumbs waaay up! Although, I'm still wondering about the censorship waay back in chapter 5...I'm just too curious for my own good. Once again, your sense of balance is impecable. Great mixture of comedy, drama, romance, you name it all rolled into one mind-boggling fic!! I must say, I really enjoy fics that tickle the mind, and yours is without mercy, I can't wait to find out what happens, or if what I think will happen actually does. Your narritave pace is a bit slower, I think. Unlike Time Soul Exodus, I don't have a good idea about where this fic is going. With Time Soul Exodus...
| Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: Sueric [MediaMiner Member] On: April 22, 2005 15:14 CDT
Comment/Review:
Thanks for submitting to FFARG! First off, let me say that I think you have an interesting style of writing, and while a beta reader is a good idea, your overall quality of work shows real promise. I do have a few things I wanted to mention, such as the 'readers' key' that is somewhat confusing and hard to remember while reading. You might want to try to format the document so that you don't need that anymore. Also, the use of random inserted Author's Notes in parenthesis takes away from the overall quality of writing and jars the reader out of the scene in such a way that it is hard to get back into the atomosphere you've created. There are some rough grammar issues with punctuation and capitalization but overall your care and pride in your work shines through. I think that with a little revision and a good, reliable beta reader, you have the makings of a very interesting story on your hands! Thanks again, and keep it up! You show real promise, and I'd love to see you continue on with it! All the best, Sueric
| Title: !!!
Reviewed By: Dchan3 On: April 02, 2005 17:32 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This was good. I'm wondering what's going to happen to Sesshomaru! I think he should listen to his instincts!
| Reviewed By: WoodShop2300 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 01, 2005 17:55 CST
Comment/Review:
Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go!!!! Hows that for support?
| Title: wow
Reviewed By: MMMMooo On: March 30, 2005 17:10 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
wow that was amazing
| Reviewed By: Blackened_Silence [MediaMiner Member] On: March 11, 2005 18:35 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
This story is really good!!!! Now I can see why they call you the "God of Lemons", I myself and not a huge fan og lemony limey goodness, but somehow you make it different and far more enjoyable! I really like this story and I hope you continue it soon!!!
| Title: wow!
Reviewed By: Sesshy-lover On: February 14, 2005 14:35 CST
Comment/Review:
Oh my gosh you're such a good writer!!!
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