| "Captive Heat" Reviews/Comments [ 83 ] |
| Pages (6): [ 1 2 3 4 5 6 › » ] |
Reviewed By: RadioActiveRedhead [MediaMiner Member] On: March 25, 2008 01:46 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Your fanfic has a good idea and all but your spelling is a little botched in some areas like in the first chapter you put an E at the end of "truth" and not to mention your paragraphs just seem muddled together. Let me show you what I mean by "muddled" okay? EXAMPLE (Paragraph as seen as is): Kagome made a large "OOF!" noise as her soft body met hard earth.She shook her head and raised her large chocolate brown eyes to the top of the well.Shaking with anger,she dusted herself off and yelled up to the top waving her fist angrily"AYUMI!I CANT BELIEVE YOU JUST DID THAT!"She cried.When she heard no answer Kagome ground her foot angrily into the dirt bootm and noticed something...the ladder to get out of here was gone!-----Now lets try this differently....(My style): Kagome made a large "Oof" noise as her soft body met hard earth. She shook her head and raised her large chocolate brown eyes to the top of the well. Shaking with anger, she dusted herself off and yelled up to the top waving her fist in frustration, "AYUMI! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST DID THAT!" When she heard no answer, Kagome ground her foot angrily into the dirt floor and noticed something...the ladder to get out of here was gone!.......Notice the spaces after each end of sentance and the comma in can't. Also notice how I took out "shook her fist angrily" and turned it into "in frustration". You already used "anger" in that sentence. The spaces after the punctuation makes it easier to read instead of like this for example: She jumped off the cliff and flew in the air.It was like a dream to her.Why could she fly?She had no clue as to why she could fly.....See how that looks a bit mushed together? :D well...if you'd like a beta I would happily agree since I've read this fanfic when I was younger-ish and I adore it. I'd love to proof read it and make it easier on the eyes for you. All you'd have to do is send me an email and I'll hop to it.
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Reviewed By: WOLFLOVERN [MediaMiner Member] On: September 01, 2007 23:57 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
can you plz countine writing Captive Heat.
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Reviewed By: animecraz92 [MediaMiner Member] On: July 05, 2007 02:37 CDT
Comment/Review:
PLZ!!!!UPDATE SOON! I THINK ITS BEEN LONG ENOUGH FOR U TO NOT HAVE UPDATED!!!SO PLZ,PLZ,PLZ.....ADD ANOTHER CHP! I'M A LEMON FREAK AND U STOP IT RIGHT BEFORE THEY MATED! I DYING TO READ THE REST OF THIS STORY! PEACE
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Title: goddeskagome2213
Reviewed By: goddeskagome213 [MediaMiner Member] On: January 04, 2007 22:13 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Very good. I love it. Update plz, i'm dying to know what happens to kagome. Plz plz update
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Reviewed By: Vegetas4Life06 [MediaMiner Member] On: October 24, 2006 18:50 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
sorry forgot to put it.
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Title: so wrong
Reviewed By: Vegetas4Life06 [MediaMiner Member] On: October 24, 2006 18:49 CDT
Comment/Review:
Hey good storie but you are so WRONG for ending it like that. I beg of you to pretty please continue the storie.
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Reviewed By: rini12 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 11, 2006 17:39 CDT
Comment/Review:
Hey I like it so far. Keep it up. and update soon plz
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Reviewed By: dudekiller [MediaMiner Member] On: March 23, 2006 10:30 CST
Comment/Review:
this is a funny story. please update soon.
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Title: Captive Heat
Reviewed By: Megan Consoer [MediaMiner Member] On: January 26, 2006 02:04 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?
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Title: your fanfic Captive Heat:
Reviewed By: anime_fan141 [MediaMiner Member] On: December 27, 2005 16:31 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
hi i really love this fanfic . i cant wait to read what happens next. i hope that you update it soon . cause i want a lemon . yummy wow kagome getting screwed by inuyasha and sesshomaru. wow im deffently jelous. what female in their right mind would not be jelous. i give this fanfic a 10 out of10 and 5 dozen cookies from anime_fan141
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Reviewed By: Reke [MediaMiner Member] On: July 11, 2005 08:52 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
update update update camon lemonyns is go now please update soon need good lemon!
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Reviewed By: Shadowfoxdemon [MediaMiner Member] On: June 07, 2005 23:40 CDT
Comment/Review:
why why must u be so cruel and end it there? *pouts* please please please update as soon as u can i wanna know whats going to happen next. so as soon as u can update. Ja Mata Airy
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Reviewed By: MikoMaiden [MediaMiner Member] On: May 12, 2005 14:18 CDT
Comment/Review:
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Reviewed By: Leyla On: April 20, 2005 19:44 CDT
Comment/Review:
For God's sake... DO NOT PUT "COMPLETED" IN YOUR FIC STATUS IF IT IS NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have a little respect for future readers and change it to "Work in Progress", that'll save a LOT of reading time and frustration over childish cliffhangers for people like me who only read completed stories!
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Title: Captive Heat
Reviewed By: Megan Consoer [MediaMiner Member] On: March 22, 2005 16:51 CST
Comment/Review:
I really like this story alot. Can you write some more chapters?
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| Pages (6): [ 1 2 3 4 5 6 › » ] |
