| "The Chosen" Reviews/Comments [ 98 ] |
| Pages (7): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 › » ] |
Title: ffrg review---chapter 1
Reviewed By: angelica incarnate [MediaMiner Member] On: September 30, 2005 23:30 CDT
Comment/Review:
Thanks for submitting your piece! You have a good head for detail and you have a good grip on how to make dialogue work well. I saw no grammatical issues other then the verb tenses which were already mentioned. A fight between InuYasha and Kouga is never out of character, so no fear there. Some of Sesshoumaru's reactions are a bit too life-like for him this early in the piece. It's easy to morph Sesshoumaru into a bit more of a personality, because his character is so hard to pin down in the first place, but you need to do so slowly and carefully over the course of the story. Having only read this chapter, I don't know what purpose your OCs serve other than family, but I would caution against introducing them too quickly. You don't want to draw a reader out of the story by confusing them. Make sure you have a very solid explaination as to how Kagome has family members that she knows of back in the feudal era. Why has she not told everyone else about them? Why are they all hanyou when that is a major social No-No? I've every confidence these are answered, just pointing out ideas that I feel would be focused on at this point in someone reading your work. Thanks again for sharing your work and best of luck to you.
|
Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: MissMusicality [MediaMiner Member] On: September 30, 2005 22:14 CDT
Comment/Review:
Review for Chapter one! Aw, this is such an interesting story! You have a unique plot going, and your details are fantastic. I don't see any spelling errors or major grammar mistakes. As always, though, there is room for improvement. My main advice is this: keep your tenses straight. You start out the fic with a mixture of present tense verbs, and past tense verbs. Then, you finish out the rest of the fic in past tense. My best tip is to change the present tense verbs. You rarely see a story written in present tense. It's hard to do, and often sounds awkward. Once you're through with that, I think it will flow much more smoothely, and will be consistent througout. Great job, and thanks for submitting this to FFARG! Keep up the great work!
|
Title: Red_dragon 89
Reviewed By: Reddragon69 [MediaMiner Member] On: September 19, 2005 18:43 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
The best story I have read so far. Great cliff hanger, I hope an undate is coming soon. I can't wait to read more. Please update soon.
|
Reviewed By: Rainstorm61879 [MediaMiner Member] On: September 16, 2005 16:14 CDT
Comment/Review:
Really love it. Read as it was recommended by xbitternessx Love the story. Very orginal. I like the development. Can't wait for an update.
|
Reviewed By: Vince man On: September 13, 2005 16:29 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
UPDATE!!!!!! Good stroy but UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
Reviewed By: Dragoncountess98 [MediaMiner Member] On: September 12, 2005 10:01 CDT
Comment/Review:
I love this story! its awsome all the special powers they have and the gateway thing is a great idea! please keep writing! I hate it when a story is left unfinished, espesially at a part like this! PLEASE UPDATE!!!
|
Title: FFRG (prologue)
Reviewed By: Rebecca a.k.a Forlorn Essence (just not signed in) On: September 10, 2005 10:14 CDT
Comment/Review:
My gosh, this is amazing!! This story is so thick and pleasant I'm very glad I stumbled across it in the submission section! You seem to have several grammer and spelling errors, and the elderly miko's name is actually spelt "Kaede". The characters are well done, but I find Sesshoumaru to be somewhat out of character is places, but you cleverly cover it up and return him back to normal. I think I'll find myself reading this entire fic just to see what happens. You've snagged that much of my attention. Great job! -F.E*
|
Title: OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reviewed By: Hikaru-RoseRed [MediaMiner Member] On: September 05, 2005 10:07 CDT
Comment/Review:
you updated!!! w00t!! -is now overly happy- THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! -does a happy dance-
|
Title: WHY IS IT DONE?
Reviewed By: You shall never know On: September 05, 2005 08:46 CDT
Comment/Review:
why do you only have fifteen chapters! ALSO, ITS A CLIFFHANGER!!! please finish it. i was enjoying it. :(
|
Title: The Chosen
Reviewed By: Megan Consoer [MediaMiner Member] On: September 04, 2005 00:49 CDT
Comment/Review:
I really like this story alot. Can you write some more chapters?
|
Reviewed By: katie... On: September 03, 2005 19:17 CDT
Comment/Review:
ahhh! its been... some weeks? sense you last updated... so you should update again...soon.. please?
|
Reviewed By: katie... On: September 03, 2005 19:17 CDT
Comment/Review:
ahhh! its been... some weeks? sense you last updated... so you should update again...soon.. please?
|
Reviewed By: katie... On: September 03, 2005 19:17 CDT
Comment/Review:
ahhh! its been... some weeks? sense you last updated... so you should update again...soon.. please?
|
Reviewed By: katie... On: September 03, 2005 19:17 CDT
Comment/Review:
ahhh! its been... some weeks? sense you last updated... so you should update again...soon.. please?
|
Reviewed By: Hanyou Inu [MediaMiner Member] On: August 26, 2005 13:05 CDT
Comment/Review:
Great story can't wait to find out what happens next please update soon!
|
| Pages (7): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 › » ] |
