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| "The Swim of Things" Reviews/Comments [ 109 ] | | Pages (8): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 › » ] | Title: X Marks the Spot
Reviewed By: Ero-Sennin [MediaMiner Member] On: January 02, 2008 11:38 PST
Comment/Review:
Perhaps you should move on up to the X Rating, this story is quite raunchy at points, even if that's not the whole focus of the story. It's wondrous fare, keep up the good work, my friend.
| Reviewed By: Tezza1502 On: January 01, 2008 05:34 PST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Ahhh!! Another awesome chapter from Ret Nuh to read. What a nice way to spend New Years Day. Introducing Yuma's sister into the mix is, as you stated, a good way of bringing a fresh perspective to our favourite characters. I also like the way you slip in how ex-NERV companies are adapting their way into the current market within the story every now and again. (Example; converting plugsuit technology to other applications.) Its a nice way to flesh out the background here & there, and something you do often. Although, I do have one slight complaint. Shinji seems to be dropping out of the fic. It's something that has been happening more and more over the last few chapters. Ever since their trip to Germany, in fact. I'm not saying that you have to have him front & centre for every line. But as half of one of the central couples in this story, I'd hate for him to vanish. However, with the focus right now firmly on Rei and Kensuke's blossoming relationship, I guess its fair for some of the others to take a backseat for a while. (Except Asuka. She just won't stay out of the limelight! & pity the person that tries to make her.) Other than that, a damn fine job once again. Kudos! T -p.s.: as to your query about the lemons in your fic; I feel that the rating you have is fine. You are descriptive enough to let us know the emotions behind their actions, without decending into outright porn. By that, I mean it fits the flow of the story. If you want to go further than what you are writing now, then yes, increase the rating. As it stands, the rating is fine for what you are writing, IMHO. -p.p.s.: Still waiting eagerly for the reveal about R&K. Reactions will be priceless, especially at their school.
| Title: 76
Reviewed By: Tezza1502 On: December 05, 2007 05:52 PST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Once again you have delivered a wonderful chapter to your eagerly waiting fans. Late to be sure, but good things come to those who are patient. I'm sensing that the whole storyline is begining to draw to a close, possibly with Hikari & Touji's wedding as the full stop. So it was nice that you took a moment to allow the girls one last chance to compete with each other. And the chapter was very in line with the whole theme running through this story. It all started with swimming, so it's fitting that as the circle closes, we come back to the pool again. Nicely done! Rei and Kensuke forge ahead with their relationship. I like that you have them finding their own pace, and not trying to emulate Shinji & Asuka. (Despite the lead up being of epic proportions.) I am looking forward to the reveal. While the other's reactions will be fun, seeing Rei get flustered when she finds out just how many of her family already knew about it will be cute too. Excelent work once again! 'Till next time. T
| Reviewed By: dennisud2015 On: December 01, 2007 14:13 PST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
it doesn't matter that you took longr, its sure showed in the wiring here. just a few missed words and misspellings, but overall a great chapter. Again I applaud your treatment of the couples here. ans of their gradual maturing during the story's timeline. Finally Yuna is one of my favorite ACC's this year. And again 'this' kensuke is one any Rei fan would like! dennisud
| Reviewed By: LD On: October 27, 2007 22:22 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Fact is the latter chapters and most of the second half of this story seem soully focused on the girls. Pretty much developing and advancing their story but completely ignoring Shinji. We need more focus on the last Ikari.
| Reviewed By: dennisud2015 On: October 05, 2007 19:56 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
I really like your deviousness. Oh and the mear fact that they children aren't recognized doesn't mean that there isn't a fringe group of former SEELE members or operatives planning some sort of hit on them. might be a quick and dirty tool to use at an opprtune moment. Oh and Kudos on the hnadling of the Ken/Rei pairing here. dennisud
| Title: Excellent!
Reviewed By: Tezza1502 On: September 04, 2007 05:39 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Well, once again we readers are treated to an enjoyable half hour or so of reading Ret Nuh's post-3I fic. Heh. Asuka in the dunking chamber was inspired. It's a pity it was not open to former NERV staff, the swim team would have earned enough funding to host their own Olympics! Something that has always impressed me about this fic was the way you get into the minutiae of their school life. It's frightening how well you seem to channel either your own, or someone elses experiences from a co-ed school. Very impressive, I think. And finally, we get to see some movement between Rei and Kensuke! Yay!! Although, reading back over the past few chapters I could spot the odd hint here and there. Ah, hindsight. 20-20 as always. I wonder how long it will stay just between them? Asuka, at least, will not rest until she gets all of the details as soon as she gets an idea that something being hidden from her. And I fully expect Hikari will be just as bad. (Although not as intrusive.) I'm glad you went this way with them, if only because it breathes more life into an already vibrant story. I do wonder how Kaede will take it, though. (Apologies if I spelt her name wrong.) Ah well, enough out of me. Fantastic chapter, as always. Long may you find inspiration. 'Till next time! T
| Title: Mehr! Mehr!
Reviewed By: A.Nonymous On: September 02, 2007 22:08 PDT
Comment/Review:
Ahhh, the citrus is back. Lovely, lovely citrus, too. The festival was fun. The last scene did seem a little sudden, even though it's been building up to that point over the last 18 months--will we get to see any flashback or recap of how they finally stepped over the edge? Keep it coming. And mehr! Mehr! Please, mehr!
| Title: FINALLY!!!!!!!!
Reviewed By: dennisud [MediaMiner Member] On: September 02, 2007 10:54 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
It took '25' chapters and ya know what! it was well worth it not only the developments in the other couples lives and love lives, but In finally allowing Kensuke (THIS KENSUKE you developed sooo well) and Rei to see what they had was not just a friendship but a loving relationship. Keep it at this pace as it will take longer for these two t become intimate. maybe even til they marry. But knowing that the road to that marriage will be fruitful fun and exiting! I really suggest posting this on FFN now that they seem to allow more (M) Mature stories back on their site! Great job Bud! dennisud
| Title: the story of life continues
Reviewed By: Sanjiyan3x3 On: August 22, 2007 11:19 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
very very enjoyable... i very much how each character is portrayed in each chapter since the start of the show :)... i really like how you make each cupple have a growing relationship ... esp it looks like a small reference that rei and ken may start something O_o i really hope so it seems that with a bit of ken's help rei can further learn about her humanity and ken about settleing away with his past. (if i comprehended what i read right >< due to girls and his father ect) rei and ken i could see a ton load that you can work with to create a growing relationship. keep up the work ill be looking forward to seeing more chapters hopefully very soon :D
| Reviewed By: dennisud2015 On: August 06, 2007 20:13 PDT
Comment/Review:
I think there should be more detail in storries but not too much. Still I can't wait til we see the end! dennisud
| Reviewed By: dennisud [MediaMiner Member] On: July 09, 2007 23:01 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
overall its inching along quite nicely so far. Getting Rid of the annoying duo was also a stroke of grnius! I want to ask as i have read a really good story of the children attending college, will the story stretch to Tokyo-4 "U"? I would love to see the budding relationships grow! dennisud
| Title: I see what you did there.
Reviewed By: KoroshiyaZwei [MediaMiner Member] On: July 08, 2007 10:14 PDT
Comment/Review:
Long time reader and HUUUUGE fan, yo. Just wanted to say my piece and congratulate you for your excellent story. Noriko Amano and Kazumi Takaya, eh? Heheh...I wonder how many others caught that reference?
| Reviewed By: MichaelCross On: June 26, 2007 03:23 PDT
Comment/Review:
Pretty good chapter for most recent. How about this idea for your next chapter or after it? It's the beginning of school and Rei develops a crush on a new student that just arrived in Japan. He's from the States and is carrying a massive burden. Kensuke finds himself attracted to Kaede after something happens to bring them closer together.
| Title: Good job
Reviewed By: PlatinumSabr [MediaMiner Member] On: May 29, 2007 21:10 PDT
Comment/Review:
Well, I have to say you have me hooked. I've read all the chapters now! I do have some bones to pick with you though, don't worry, they're constructive criticsm. First off, every time you spell "thru" what you should be putting down is "through". Please change this if you don't mind. It's just bad grammar. And second, whenever you have the characters talking you seem to have a bad penchant of never using any apostrophes. People don't talk like how you write them and most of the time they use "They're" instead of "They are" and "I'm" instead of "I am". While it is proper grammar and correct for things like essays and the like, to use it when people are speaking is not right unless it's in their character to do so. I admire the amount of commitment you've put into this story and with these changes I think it could be a lot better. I'd be lying if I said that a little more decriptiveness in some areas wouldn't kill you. I know, then you would have to change the rating and all that but I think you're cutting short and downsizing what seems to be a very large part of this story. It's practically the driving force behind some of the couples and to have it downsized so impassionately seems like an injustice. Keep in mind this is all meant to be constructive and not meant as a jab to you in any way. Well, thanks for the story and I hope you keep it up!
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