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| "The Swim of Things" Reviews/Comments [ 109 ] | | Pages (8): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 › » ] | Title: A sad goodbye
Reviewed By: Tarage [MediaMiner Member] On: May 26, 2007 00:51 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 4 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 4 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 3 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 2 of 10
Overall Rating: 3 of 10 Comment/Review:
I'm sorry Retnuh, but I can't follow your story anymore. Don't get me wrong, I enjoied your previous stories, as well as this one, but I simply can't tolerate the lack of quality anymore. Perhaps this is the problem with writing a story as long as this one... you appear to have lost your way. The charactors hardly resemble anything close to what they once were, and instead of being a fanfiction about Evangelion, this is now a fanfiction about nothing. I understand you are trying to keep plot flowing, but it simply isn't working. I used to wait eagerly for your next chapter to fill the need I have for A/S fanfics, but now I can't even force myself to sit and read another chapter of this. Perhaps it is all in my head, but I have a feeling I'm not the only one who feels this way. Either way, take this review with a grain of salt. If you do decide to write a new story, please at least learn from the mistakes of this one. Instead of going for a 'slice of life' type story, please return to a more concice yet drawn out story like those you have posted before. I'm not saying you must make your stories one shots, but something that has gone on for this long... has lost all flavor for me. I wish you the best of luck with your new marrage, and with writing in general. I hope that I have not said anything to offend you, so if I have I appologize. At the very least, you can look at this review amongst all the 10/10 scores and laugh. But I hope you don't. Thank you.
| Reviewed By: dennisud2015 On: May 24, 2007 19:05 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
I like tht fact that your teaching Rei about humanity and its mortality. Yeah the lime and lemon scenes are great in the story but the character development is just as important if not more! Also I think that of the three teen pairings one needs IMHO to get married when you graduate them! And now with all the background you have given Rei and Kensuke their gradual development of their relationship is now my most favorite thing you've done so far. Finally IF Ken and Rei DO get together they should be the last ones TO do that! This is fast becoming my favorite Eva story this year! dennisud
| Reviewed By: Chargos24 [MediaMiner Member] On: May 24, 2007 18:26 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I wouldn't call you a jerk for killing off Mr. Mitsuishi. I can only imagine how you felt while writing that section of the chapter. Deciding to remove a character is never an easy thing, especially if that character is loved and important to others. Writing scenes like this brings more life to your story, making your fiction become less so. I applaud you on your writing style as well as how you've helped the main characters work through their emotional problems yet maintaining their true personalities. Don't let anyone dissuade you from writing, you have a true gift for it.
| Reviewed By: A. Nonymous On: May 07, 2007 21:09 PDT
Comment/Review:
Well, congratulations! As long as you keep writing, it won't matter if it's a few weeks late. This is a fun story. Yeah, there's no big ominous plot--but it's nice to have just one Eva story that is only about life, and living it. I'm glad that this is that one story. I do have one regret (sorta), and that's that you're going more PG on us. The big moment arrived, and you didn't even show it. :P You do a good job of showing their emotions, and there are few things more emotional than that. It's not a requirement or anything, but it would be nice to see a little more citrus, the way that you showed us earlier on. All in all, an enjoyable read. I look forward to the beginning of every month for this.
| Title: Still good!
Reviewed By: Tezza1502 On: May 06, 2007 22:54 PDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Comment/Review:
Hey there! Another chapter, another horribly long wait 'till the next one. While Shinji ending up in the food prep area was always going to be a no-brainer, putting Asuka in the family resturant was a pleasant surprise, yet well within the canon you have created with your wonderful story. And poor Rei, feeling left out like that, romance-wise. While the best thing about your fic is that everything seems to flow so organically, I can't help but be slightly impatient for some movement in that area. (Ignore me, I'm just a soppy romantic at heart! It's your fic, I'm just a grateful reader.) Anyway, damn fine chapter, again, and congratulations on your upcoming nuptials. T
| Reviewed By: The Wildcard On: April 24, 2007 21:02 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
reading back to the motorcycle shop, you have a very unhealthy bias against japanese bikes. I happen to have a V-Star that I wouldn't trade for any american bike, but that's neither here nor there. I'm very impressed on your determination, you've turned something that most writers would've kept as a one-shot or no more that a five chapter fic into a twenty-plus epic, and for the most part the story never got stale!! furthermore, when the hell are Kensuke and Rei going to finally get together? no, strike that, take your time, the plot between those two is coming along nicely. having spent time in germany myself, I appreciated the great accuracy in which you discribed the place, it makes me wonder if you've either studied there, or like myself stationed there in the military. Kudos! In closing, great story...up date soon!
| Reviewed By: Sanjiyan3x3 On: April 17, 2007 10:54 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
well reading this during my down time at work was most enjoyable :D i really enjoyed how each aspect of each character is portrayed in this fic. took a cupple of days to get though all 20 chapters but it is well worth it and i can say for sure that i am begging for more :) perhaps as Asuka and Shinji's relationship keeps moving forward, mabe rei can find a little bit of romance from kennoske?? and idea might be worth looking into overall keep up your hard work and i hope to read the next chapter very soon :)
| Title: Me again!
Reviewed By: Tezza1502 On: April 02, 2007 05:23 PDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Well, THAT was certainly an eye-opening trip for Asuka. It was nice to see her put some more demons from her past to rest. The way she interacted with her half-sister and her step-mother was especally touching. Exchanging the hero worship Catherine had with something far healthier made for a wonderful scene. Any chance those two would ever visit Asuka in Japan? I can just picture it; Kaoru slimes up to Catherine to try his luck without realising who she is related to. Three weeks later he wakes up in hospital minus a testicle, wondering what the heck happened. The next chapter is going to be fun. Shinji and Asuka working at the reaturant? Next to Kensuke and Rei? Oh boy, this'll be good! I am actually hoping you stick Shinji somewhere other than the kitchen. It has been done before, and cooking for yourself is completely different to cooking for customers. Maybe a delivery boy, like Kensuke? The only question I have about Asuka is how long will it be before she decks a rude customer. Her and Misato are really going to butt heads over this job, I think. Anyway, it's your story, I'm just throwing in my two cents worth. Still lovin' your stuff! Later. T
| Title: CH 19
Reviewed By: Tezza1502 On: March 29, 2007 06:03 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Well, now that I'm caught up, I have to say that this is one damn fine piece of writing. The characters are IMHO a believeable portrayal of how they would have grown, post-3I. Asuke and Shinji are growing up realistically, Misato and Kaji are walking that line between being their parents and guardians disturbingly well, and Rei is evolving into a normal teenager with typical angst. I have also enjoyed how you switched up who usualy makes the first step towards sleeping together. Having Hikari talk Asuka through the different steps of intimacy was a nice change from how the situation is normally played out. Nice work! Kensuke is fast becoming my favourite in this. You have given him the right mix of smart-ass loner combined with a desperate longing to be a part of a relationship like his friends are. The trip to Germany is flowing well, although that bit about Asuka not being there in Japan with the rest of them a couple of chapters back smell a bit like red herring to me. But, I am content to wait for answers. This story is a very enjoyable read, so I can contain myself until you update again. I think. 'Till next time! T
| Title: CH 11
Reviewed By: Tezza1502 On: March 27, 2007 10:30 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
I am really, really, really enjoying this story. Actually, I am glad that I only have the time to read this in blocs of five or so. Can't wait to get further along. T
| Reviewed By: Tezza1502 On: March 26, 2007 09:43 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Howdy! Just read the first five chapters of your fic and I've gotta say, I like your style. While nothing huge happens, it is still drawing me in with the little twists you add to an otherwise ordinary life post-3I. Other than the fact that I am enjoying how these guys and girls are growing up slowly, one mistake at a time, I can not really offer a comment beyond I LIKE IT. Although Kaoru behaving like a dick is a bit unexpected. I am curious as to how he returned from 3I. Perhaps I will find the answer in future chapters. Misato with a kid PLUS Kaji is pretty cool, too. Anyway, suffice to say I am really getting into this story, and will read further when I have more time. Later! T
| Title: great stuff
Reviewed By: Peacemaker [MediaMiner Member] On: February 05, 2007 10:55 PST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Another chapter arrives and another great job :) I am really looking forward to reading what happens in the next couple of chapters. Keep up the good work and I'll see you next month
| Reviewed By: dennisud [MediaMiner Member] On: February 03, 2007 13:44 PST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Oh I hate cliffy's and this one sure has me chompin at the bit. I did like the fact that Rei Trusts ken more now and that bodes well for both of them to mature well here. As for Asuka? well as with everyone else we'll have to wait and see! great story ! dennisud
| Title: Nice Job!
Reviewed By: dennisud [MediaMiner Member] On: January 08, 2007 16:50 PST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
I really like the pacing here and the fact that this chapter focused on the secondary cast and of course Rei and Kensuke. You really have a talent to come up with a belivable background for them both as they grw. And that last revelation of Kensuke's knowledge wil IMHo bring thrm closer as Friends. And take it from me Friends make the best life companions as they usually have much in common and compliment each other. I'm not saying they'll go gushy over each other as Asuka and Shinji, and laer Touji and Hikiar have, but keeping this pace it becomes much more belivable that bthey will slowly grow closer and more protective of each other and those around them who matter to them. Great job again! dennisud
| Title: woot chapter 16
Reviewed By: Peacemaker [MediaMiner Member] On: December 27, 2006 10:32 PST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I can so feel all of the pilots pain lol, finals suck big time hehe. Another great chapter and a hapy new year to you too :) Keep up the great work and I'll see you again next month; peace!!
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