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| "The Swim of Things" Reviews/Comments [ 109 ] | | Pages (8): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 › » ] | Reviewed By: LD On: October 27, 2007 22:22 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Fact is the latter chapters and most of the second half of this story seem soully focused on the girls. Pretty much developing and advancing their story but completely ignoring Shinji. We need more focus on the last Ikari.
| Reviewed By: dennisud2015 On: October 05, 2007 19:56 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
I really like your deviousness. Oh and the mear fact that they children aren't recognized doesn't mean that there isn't a fringe group of former SEELE members or operatives planning some sort of hit on them. might be a quick and dirty tool to use at an opprtune moment. Oh and Kudos on the hnadling of the Ken/Rei pairing here. dennisud
| Title: Excellent!
Reviewed By: Tezza1502 On: September 04, 2007 05:39 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Well, once again we readers are treated to an enjoyable half hour or so of reading Ret Nuh's post-3I fic. Heh. Asuka in the dunking chamber was inspired. It's a pity it was not open to former NERV staff, the swim team would have earned enough funding to host their own Olympics! Something that has always impressed me about this fic was the way you get into the minutiae of their school life. It's frightening how well you seem to channel either your own, or someone elses experiences from a co-ed school. Very impressive, I think. And finally, we get to see some movement between Rei and Kensuke! Yay!! Although, reading back over the past few chapters I could spot the odd hint here and there. Ah, hindsight. 20-20 as always. I wonder how long it will stay just between them? Asuka, at least, will not rest until she gets all of the details as soon as she gets an idea that something being hidden from her. And I fully expect Hikari will be just as bad. (Although not as intrusive.) I'm glad you went this way with them, if only because it breathes more life into an already vibrant story. I do wonder how Kaede will take it, though. (Apologies if I spelt her name wrong.) Ah well, enough out of me. Fantastic chapter, as always. Long may you find inspiration. 'Till next time! T
| Title: Mehr! Mehr!
Reviewed By: A.Nonymous On: September 02, 2007 22:08 PDT
Comment/Review:
Ahhh, the citrus is back. Lovely, lovely citrus, too. The festival was fun. The last scene did seem a little sudden, even though it's been building up to that point over the last 18 months--will we get to see any flashback or recap of how they finally stepped over the edge? Keep it coming. And mehr! Mehr! Please, mehr!
| Title: FINALLY!!!!!!!!
Reviewed By: dennisud [MediaMiner Member] On: September 02, 2007 10:54 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
It took '25' chapters and ya know what! it was well worth it not only the developments in the other couples lives and love lives, but In finally allowing Kensuke (THIS KENSUKE you developed sooo well) and Rei to see what they had was not just a friendship but a loving relationship. Keep it at this pace as it will take longer for these two t become intimate. maybe even til they marry. But knowing that the road to that marriage will be fruitful fun and exiting! I really suggest posting this on FFN now that they seem to allow more (M) Mature stories back on their site! Great job Bud! dennisud
| Title: the story of life continues
Reviewed By: Sanjiyan3x3 On: August 22, 2007 11:19 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
very very enjoyable... i very much how each character is portrayed in each chapter since the start of the show :)... i really like how you make each cupple have a growing relationship ... esp it looks like a small reference that rei and ken may start something O_o i really hope so it seems that with a bit of ken's help rei can further learn about her humanity and ken about settleing away with his past. (if i comprehended what i read right >< due to girls and his father ect) rei and ken i could see a ton load that you can work with to create a growing relationship. keep up the work ill be looking forward to seeing more chapters hopefully very soon :D
| Reviewed By: dennisud2015 On: August 06, 2007 20:13 PDT
Comment/Review:
I think there should be more detail in storries but not too much. Still I can't wait til we see the end! dennisud
| Reviewed By: dennisud [MediaMiner Member] On: July 09, 2007 23:01 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
overall its inching along quite nicely so far. Getting Rid of the annoying duo was also a stroke of grnius! I want to ask as i have read a really good story of the children attending college, will the story stretch to Tokyo-4 "U"? I would love to see the budding relationships grow! dennisud
| Title: I see what you did there.
Reviewed By: KoroshiyaZwei [MediaMiner Member] On: July 08, 2007 10:14 PDT
Comment/Review:
Long time reader and HUUUUGE fan, yo. Just wanted to say my piece and congratulate you for your excellent story. Noriko Amano and Kazumi Takaya, eh? Heheh...I wonder how many others caught that reference?
| Reviewed By: MichaelCross On: June 26, 2007 03:23 PDT
Comment/Review:
Pretty good chapter for most recent. How about this idea for your next chapter or after it? It's the beginning of school and Rei develops a crush on a new student that just arrived in Japan. He's from the States and is carrying a massive burden. Kensuke finds himself attracted to Kaede after something happens to bring them closer together.
| Title: Good job
Reviewed By: PlatinumSabr [MediaMiner Member] On: May 29, 2007 21:10 PDT
Comment/Review:
Well, I have to say you have me hooked. I've read all the chapters now! I do have some bones to pick with you though, don't worry, they're constructive criticsm. First off, every time you spell "thru" what you should be putting down is "through". Please change this if you don't mind. It's just bad grammar. And second, whenever you have the characters talking you seem to have a bad penchant of never using any apostrophes. People don't talk like how you write them and most of the time they use "They're" instead of "They are" and "I'm" instead of "I am". While it is proper grammar and correct for things like essays and the like, to use it when people are speaking is not right unless it's in their character to do so. I admire the amount of commitment you've put into this story and with these changes I think it could be a lot better. I'd be lying if I said that a little more decriptiveness in some areas wouldn't kill you. I know, then you would have to change the rating and all that but I think you're cutting short and downsizing what seems to be a very large part of this story. It's practically the driving force behind some of the couples and to have it downsized so impassionately seems like an injustice. Keep in mind this is all meant to be constructive and not meant as a jab to you in any way. Well, thanks for the story and I hope you keep it up!
| Title: A sad goodbye
Reviewed By: Tarage [MediaMiner Member] On: May 26, 2007 00:51 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 4 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 4 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 3 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 2 of 10
Overall Rating: 3 of 10 Comment/Review:
I'm sorry Retnuh, but I can't follow your story anymore. Don't get me wrong, I enjoied your previous stories, as well as this one, but I simply can't tolerate the lack of quality anymore. Perhaps this is the problem with writing a story as long as this one... you appear to have lost your way. The charactors hardly resemble anything close to what they once were, and instead of being a fanfiction about Evangelion, this is now a fanfiction about nothing. I understand you are trying to keep plot flowing, but it simply isn't working. I used to wait eagerly for your next chapter to fill the need I have for A/S fanfics, but now I can't even force myself to sit and read another chapter of this. Perhaps it is all in my head, but I have a feeling I'm not the only one who feels this way. Either way, take this review with a grain of salt. If you do decide to write a new story, please at least learn from the mistakes of this one. Instead of going for a 'slice of life' type story, please return to a more concice yet drawn out story like those you have posted before. I'm not saying you must make your stories one shots, but something that has gone on for this long... has lost all flavor for me. I wish you the best of luck with your new marrage, and with writing in general. I hope that I have not said anything to offend you, so if I have I appologize. At the very least, you can look at this review amongst all the 10/10 scores and laugh. But I hope you don't. Thank you.
| Reviewed By: dennisud2015 On: May 24, 2007 19:05 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
I like tht fact that your teaching Rei about humanity and its mortality. Yeah the lime and lemon scenes are great in the story but the character development is just as important if not more! Also I think that of the three teen pairings one needs IMHO to get married when you graduate them! And now with all the background you have given Rei and Kensuke their gradual development of their relationship is now my most favorite thing you've done so far. Finally IF Ken and Rei DO get together they should be the last ones TO do that! This is fast becoming my favorite Eva story this year! dennisud
| Reviewed By: Chargos24 [MediaMiner Member] On: May 24, 2007 18:26 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I wouldn't call you a jerk for killing off Mr. Mitsuishi. I can only imagine how you felt while writing that section of the chapter. Deciding to remove a character is never an easy thing, especially if that character is loved and important to others. Writing scenes like this brings more life to your story, making your fiction become less so. I applaud you on your writing style as well as how you've helped the main characters work through their emotional problems yet maintaining their true personalities. Don't let anyone dissuade you from writing, you have a true gift for it.
| Reviewed By: A. Nonymous On: May 07, 2007 21:09 PDT
Comment/Review:
Well, congratulations! As long as you keep writing, it won't matter if it's a few weeks late. This is a fun story. Yeah, there's no big ominous plot--but it's nice to have just one Eva story that is only about life, and living it. I'm glad that this is that one story. I do have one regret (sorta), and that's that you're going more PG on us. The big moment arrived, and you didn't even show it. :P You do a good job of showing their emotions, and there are few things more emotional than that. It's not a requirement or anything, but it would be nice to see a little more citrus, the way that you showed us earlier on. All in all, an enjoyable read. I look forward to the beginning of every month for this.
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