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| "Willpower" Reviews/Comments [ 304 ] | | Pages (21): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 › » ] | Reviewed By: Legana On: November 08, 2002 11:46 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
cool story LOL.
hmm Vegeta is hot....*drools* | Reviewed By: Lady Pesh [MediaMiner Member] On: November 07, 2002 22:10 CST
Comment/Review:
Sorry about posting that review twice. I tried to stop the submit function to fix my tags, I didn't realize it had already processed. :) | Reviewed By: Lady Pesh [MediaMiner Member] On: November 07, 2002 22:08 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 4 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Ok, I apologize if I repeat anything you've been told before. You have so many reviews; I didn't want to spend half of my evening scouring for redundancies.
Ok, here goes:
Style of Writing: Not bad, but some things seemed rushed. For example, that was the shortest meal/party I think I've ever experienced. The lemon scenes were generally enticing, but again some details lacked in a manner that left some moments disproportioned. You should also watch out for adding little side comments that could be classified as author's notes if studied closely. Show us; don't tell us.
Spelling & Grammar: Previous reviewers seemed lenient on this subject as I skimmed through, but I must say, there were WAY too many mistakes to be acceptable for such a wonderful storyline. Hire a beta-reader ASAP if you don't have a spelling/grammar check. (Btw: Quipped: A witty or sarcastic remark; jest. NOT a manner in which someone's interest is captured, as I believe you used it in the story. It was also misplaced in another statement somewhere.) You should also practice with your adverbs. I found the word 'usually' used more than once where 'usual' should have been the form. I reiterate, find a beta.
Originality/Creativity: This is the most original storyline I've read to date in the world of DBZ/GT lemons. Most people focus on getting the characters in the sack, not keeping them out of it. Bravo!
Enjoyment Factor: Outside of the glaring spelling/grammar errors (and the fact that Veg had his flame-style hair back in a GT timeframe), I truly enjoyed this fic. It's been awhile since I've found a story that could grasp my attention strongly enough to finish it in one sitting.
Overall Rating: This was a good fic. With a little fine-tuning, it will be a great fic.
Forgive me if I ever sounded overly harsh during this review. I'm very tired right now and a little cranky. I only want to see this story achieve its full potential if you're willing to let it. Thank you for posting this wonderful story, and again, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings in the least. | Reviewed By: Lady Pesh [MediaMiner Member] On: November 07, 2002 22:05 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 4 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Ok, forgive me if I repeat anything you've been told before. You have so many reviews; I didn't want to spend half of my evening scouring for redundancies.
Ok, here goes:
[b]Style of Writing:[/b] Not bad, but some things seemed rushed. For example, that was the shortest meal/party I think I've ever experienced. The lemon scenes were generally enticing, but again some details lacked in a manner that left some moments disproportioned. You should also watch out for adding little side comments that could be classified as author's notes if studied closely. Show us; don't tell us.
[b]Spelling & Grammar:[/b] Previous reviewers seemed lenient on this subject as I skimmed through, but I must say, there were WAY too many mistakes to be acceptable for such a wonderful storyline. Hire a beta-reader ASAP if you don't have a spelling/grammar check. (Btw: [b]Quipped:[/b] A witty or sarcastic remark; jest. NOT a manner in which someone's interest is captured, as I believe you used it in the story. It was also misplaced in another statement somewhere.) You should also practice with your adverbs. I found the word 'usually' used more than once where 'usual' should have been the form. I reiterate, find a beta.
[b]Originality/Creativity:[/b] This is the most original storyline I've read to date in the world of DBZ/GT lemons. Most people focus on getting the characters in the sack, not keeping them out of it. Bravo!
[b]Enjoyment Factor:[/b] Outside of the glaring spelling/grammar errors (and the fact that Veg had his flame-style hair back in a GT timeframe), I truly enjoyed this fic. It's been awhile since I've found a story that could grasp my attention strongly enough to finish it in one sitting.
[b]Overall Rating:[/b] This was a good fic. With a little fine-tuning, it will be a great fic.
Forgive me if I ever sounded overly harsh during this review. I'm very tired right now and a little cranky. I only want to see this story achieve its full potential if you're willing to let it. Thank you for posting this wonderful story, and again, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings in the least. | Reviewed By: Joe T. On: October 27, 2002 00:00 CDT
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
I loved this story, especially ch. 12. No not just because of the catfight (although that did raise my interest), but because of Gohan's & Vegeta's intrest in watching it. The only way that could've gone better is if Gohan & Vegeta started cheering them on. (BWAAAHHH-HA-HA-HA...)
Oh, and the real moral to this story is: Don't let your friends write checks your ass has to cash!
Joe T. | Reviewed By: ValkyrieX [MediaMiner Member] On: October 26, 2002 12:01 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I'm not sure why I never reviewed this before because its gotta be one of the most funniest, entertaining fics I've ever read! lol. I spotted a few spelling errors but that's alright. I especially liked the line "...the idea of a sexual frustrated Vegeta running a muck was just plain... scary" imagine that, LOL. And that scene where Gohan and Vejita were enjoying the catfat! Good job. | Reviewed By: Naturi [MediaMiner Member] On: October 25, 2002 15:21 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I LOVED THIS!! I LAUGHED UNTIL i CRIED!!!! I MADE A SIMILAR BET WITH MY SIS IN LAW AND BEST FRIEND ABOUT OUR HUSBANDS....AND I WILL SAY, YEAH I LOS, AFTER ONLY TWO DAYS... *WELL HELL I'M SORRY, BUT HE'S SOOOOOOO GOOODDDDDDD....ooooooohhhhh* (COUGH) ANYWAYS, I LOVED THIS STORY, AND YOU ARE NOW ONE OF MY FAV AUTHORS!!! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!! | Reviewed By: Goku's Lover [MediaMiner Member] On: October 23, 2002 23:37 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Wow! I loved reading this fic. I got so into it that I didn't even realize it was over already. Very good! | Reviewed By: Lonesayain [MediaMiner Member] On: October 23, 2002 23:33 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This story was soooo good! I loved your idea on making the women bet on what they love the most. Haha. But it was fun reading it and I especially liked when Bulma and Videl fought. That was funny. *Sighs* I just wished it didn't have to end so soon. *sighs again but happily* | Reviewed By: NYLACE [MediaMiner Member] On: October 19, 2002 02:01 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
OMG...this was great! | Reviewed By: Mia Skywalker [MediaMiner Member] On: October 10, 2002 01:12 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Oh god! I loved the line, "is her mind stronger than Vegeta's libido?" That completely cracked me up! ^_^
You had some sentences with missing words. For instance:
They bet they could sustain from sex longer the other.
You should have a "than" in there. It should be "longer THAN the other". There were others like that, a beta reader would catch those.
I'm really tempted to ask you if I could beta for you. I'm booked with it as it is, but your fics are very good, and just need these corrections to be truly excellent. But I don't know if you would be offended by that, seeing as you don't know me. I hope you're not, but I really feel these could be made so much more professional. | Reviewed By: Mia Skywalker [MediaMiner Member] On: October 10, 2002 00:57 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
Oh, that was good! ^_^ (Just read chapter 2 - I didn't realize that the first "chapter" was a prologue) Poor Vegeta! How COULD she resist him! I know I couldn't! *sigh* Man, those two must be suffering! I hope one of the others caves in soon, so they don't have to suffer *too* much longer! ^_^
You do have some minor spelling errors, and sometimes use words incorrectly. For instance, you wrote "and" instead of "an", "excepted" instead of "expected", "angry" instead of "anger", things like that.
There are also typos, like "shrit" instead of "shirt". A beta reader would probably catch all these little errors. They don't make your fic any less enjoyable, but it would be more of a professional quality if you correct those. My co-author makes the same sorts of errors, which is why I have beta readers. You may want to correct your older works and update them, to fix those errors. | Reviewed By: Mia Skywalker [MediaMiner Member] On: October 10, 2002 00:15 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Ok, I've only read chapter 1 so far, but that is TOO funny! I have *got* to see how these women manage to fend their men off! And besides, why would they WANT to? They're all insane! They've got Saiyajin mates, for Kami's sake! They should be having sex at least six times a day! ^_^ | Reviewed By: Starwake321 On: October 05, 2002 02:37 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Verrrrrry good. That was really funny. And nice endinds in the chapters | Reviewed By: CapturedGhost On: September 20, 2002 15:49 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Comment/Review:
Hmm, quite a naughty little piece you've got here... I was drawn to this fanfiction because of the many reviews it has gotten, and also because of its 'summary,'
I haven't found any fanfictions as of yet that has such storyline. I want to congratulate you on such creativity. You have a fine way of putting humor and sex together ... giving the fic a non-serious-slightly-silly 'atmosphere.' Well done!
Now let's get to the nitty gritty. You're not being descriptive enough in the many chapters of this fanfic, I believe. I noticed how, that when in the lemon scenes, you tend to have a burst of imagery wording. However, other than the lemon scenes and chapters, the rest seem to be written in humdrum fashion with not enough "paint" to fulfill one's imagination.
I saw some spelling mistakes here and there--along with some punctuation errors as well. / As for vocabulary usage, all is fine, just remember the thesaurus is always there to be used as source.
I enjoyed reading this fanfiction. It always tickles me to death when I see new ideas in fanfiction categories that I like. This fanfiction was very interesting and kept me reading on.
Overall, I suggest you continue writing. It never fails to have someone review your work. Keep in mind that a story is a piece of art, that when publish, should be in perfect form. Watch out for spelling and grammar mistakes!
WRITE ON! | | Pages (21): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 › » ] |
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