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| "Shadows" Reviews/Comments [ 138 ] | | Pages (10): [ « < 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 > » ] | Reviewed By: Scarlet Longbottom On: June 26, 2003 02:05 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Teddy shouldn't get so tipsy or his testicles will be tied and tethered. Now try saying THAT five times fast! ^_^
I think Teddy's a good character! Wouki could definitly use some friction, no not that kind, in his life. You know, keep him on his toes and off his ass (and Aya's). Koyu seems to have enough reason in his head for both him and Teddy, so they should turn out to have an interesting relationship! | Reviewed By: Scarlet Longbottom On: June 25, 2003 20:13 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Again with the speechlessness! I can't even describe the sensuality and sexuality that was interwoven throughout the story. It was just so intense, the passionate lovemaking between Yohji and Aya.
I'm serious, but WHOO! That had to be the best Lemon scene between Yohji and Aya that I have ever had the luck to come upon! I'm not even sure that a lemon correctly describes what Yohji and Aya just did together. Wow. | Reviewed By: Scarlet Longbottom On: June 24, 2003 20:40 CDT
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....Wow...I just don't know what to say about this chapter except that it was inspirational and fantastic! | Reviewed By: Scarlet Longbottom On: June 24, 2003 00:42 CDT
Comment/Review:
Well. that ending was a bit of a surprise, to say the least. Wasn't it said by Cass, that Schu would find some one, a man that would enter his life? I guess that must have meant some sort of father figure, not a lover. Too bad, I was really hoping for those two to get together. It'll just turn out the way it turns out, I guess...But wait! What about Farfie?! | Reviewed By: Scarlet Longbottom On: June 23, 2003 22:35 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
I liked this chapter, but some of the details of the stories where a bit fuzzy and left a lot to be desired. I know it must have been to save a bit of time, but that comes with it's own set of consequences... | Reviewed By: Lachesis [MediaMiner Member] On: June 16, 2003 16:23 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I bow before this epic. This thing is a monster! I don't think I could physically devote myself to something that long, and you're incredibly prolific too, on top of all that. Congratulations! This is absolutely amazing.
The style flows very well, and complements the plot nicely. It doesn't have the amazing turns of phrases or breathtaking descriptions that would have warranted a 10, but it's damn good. Just a little note for possible improvement, some of the descriptions get a little redundant. For example, hearing Aya described as "pale and lovely" or "amazingly beautiful" is warm and fuzzy to an Aya whore like myself, but it wears out its welcome after the first ten times. Try to vary the descriptions a little, and inject some more original phrasing. Sorry, compulsive nitpicker. ^_^
The whole thing is really just balanced *so* well. There are a couple of minor typos, but amazingly few for something this long. I wish I could maintain that sort of accuracy. The premise and the world that you've created is wonderfully deep and engaging. It has the feel of exceptional fantasy, along the lines of Pullman's _His Dark Materials_ series and even some of Tolkien's craft. The concept is just blooming beautifully as the story progresses, but I'd love to see even more detail on this world. Not expecting you to invent Elvish or anything, but some more inside info on the structure of the bureacracy, or the technical side of magic would be lovely.
Onto the characters. I love this story so much that anything negative is only that by relativity. My main semi-gripe is Aya's characterization. The idea of a feared, aloof, incredibly powerful, and incredibly beautiful creature has been used before in the context of a fantasy. And what's happened here is similar to elsewhere. Even though he's justifiably the central character, I, as a reader, still don't really know him. He's too...perfect...for lack of a better word.
We see everyone else's flaws quite clearly: Yohji's lack of control; Masato and Crawford's deadbeat dad complexes, plus their numerous, more serious, personality complexes on top of that; Cass's immaturity and tendency to bite off more then she can chew; Schu's impetousness and arrogance; even more minor characters like Ken and Omi feel more real than Aya because we see their faults so often.
Sure, Aya has his standoffish personality and his psychotic, kage-produced episodes, minor detail, I know, but all of his flaws are so easily and repeatedly justified by his time with the Takatoris and an accident of birth, that they don't feel like real personality flaws. He seems more like a god living with a roomful of real people. I know that he's completely inhuman, but from what little we know of Aidan and the others, they seemed more approachable and real in their pain and guilt.
I think it would really help to make Aya respond to his baser impulses (not just ones that originate between his legs ^_^) and not in a way that's repeatedly justified later on. This leads into the Yohji/Aya dynamic. This relationship is wonderfully depicted, and diabetes-inducingly sweet, but in the same way, it doesn't feel whole. I just noticed that Yohji and Aya have never, ever had a serious argument, or even a small spat over something other than one or the other's health and wellbeing, or the cruel fate that must keep them apart. Couples just never act like that. The sex is fun to read, but it it won't hold up the relationship.
Yohji's initial falling in lust has never realistically shifted to love. Whenever he observes Aya, it's almost always something about his physical beauty, or how sweet he tastes, and rarely about an inherent personality trait. Aya hardly expresses anything outside of being unable to resist Yohji. All the growly protectiveness and love can be explained away by the destined mates thing and their natures as bounds, but only in terms of plot. In terms of real character development, and a real relationship, it just doesn't hold up. Readers want to see the love, not just the lust and pretensions at something deeper. The defensiveness they have cultured for each other seems shallow when there's nothing to back it up.
This is more of a personal thing than any sort of real flaw with story, but the almost uber-uke Aya has become, to my surprise, somewhat of a pet peeve for me. I'm addicted to Jacque Koh, P.L. Nunn, and Chalcedony's stuff, and they all write uke Ayas exquisitely, yet his continued descriptions as "slender" and "vulnerable" and "limp" really rankled sometimes for some reason. As a personal thing, I would like to see Aya take the lead more often, not necessarily as seme, but in terms of the deeper part of their relationship.
As a SchuSchu whore as well as an Aya whore, I completely agree with Tsume's earlier review. Everybody's just been bashing the poor telepath lately. With all of Yohji and Aya's earlier pawing, I also see the double standard inherent in the other characters' reactions, especially considering that Masato is another succubae-bound. What do they expect? Abstinence? Yohji's all-encompassing rage also seems incredibly unreasonable. We all know he's irrational and unbalanced at this point, but when he considered that Schu would deliberately let Aya be hurt like that, I was shocked.
Even as an outside observer, and not just thinking from Schu's perspective, I still find it uncomfortable that Yohji would drop his best friend of so many years so quickly for someone he'd known for only a few weeks, even his mate. It seems terribly unfair to many parties involved. I'd like to think that years of loyalty and camaraderie would lend at least some depth to a relationship. I'm sure Yotan will come around eventually though. Good luck to Schu until then!
I can't believe I just wrote all that. If you've gotten this far, congratulations for having incredible patience. It goes to show how great this piece is, that this is possibly the longest review I've written...EVER. I love your work! The writing is beautiful and the plot is even better. Keep updating! | Reviewed By: Ice-is Blue [MediaMiner Member] On: June 14, 2003 13:16 CDT
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Eeep! I'm wondering about the lock on the bathing room door. Is there something wrong with it, or does Yohji possess some bound-related lock-picking skill? *tries to remember if locks are a specialty of kage* Hm. ^^ I'm sure I'll find out in good time. I'm glad to see that the 'mysterious gifts' didn't disappear. Also, I'm eagerly awaiting the Yohji/Omi conversation. It should be highly entertaining. | Reviewed By: drgnspk On: June 13, 2003 18:14 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Thank you for updating so often lately. Really have enjoyed the last few chapters. Still wondering what is going to happen between Shu and Masato. Do you have a different website link, I haven't been able to get to the one listed under author. | Reviewed By: CrimsonDreamer [MediaMiner Member] On: June 13, 2003 16:51 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I agree with tsume. I check daily too. Usually I'm so busy with classes and snotty profs. that I don't get to go out much, but I can alaway make a little time to pop by and read the latest edition. I think I've read just about everything that you have posted here and on your website, as well as many of the fanfics and fanarts that Lady Gackt has put up in conjunction with your stories.
How about another deal? You write more, I draw another fanart for the your site? Token of good will kind of thing? Maybe I'll draw Yotan too instead of just Aya like I did for the last one (thougth redheads in leather are not a thing to sneer at, I justloved "Samhain" -^_^-). *blinks really really big brown puppy eyes* Pwease? -Q_Q- | Reviewed By: tsume On: June 10, 2003 23:56 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
You are amazing! How you manage to write chapters this long in so short time is beyond me O_O Not that I'm complaining, I check nearly daily for updates from you ^_^
When I first stumbled upon your great fic I simply had to read the first 10 chapters in one rush through the whole night and went to university the next day without a wink of sleep (and consequentely fell asleep during "economy of SE-asian countries" which earned me the laugh of the day from my fellow students and the eternal wrath of my prof... aw well, your fic was worth it ^_~)
I absolutely love your YohjixAya-couple! Especially your Yohji is described amazingly well. In fact I like all your character-interpretations - the good ones as well as the bad guys. They are incredibly well done down to the supporting charas. And I found your describtion of the guards and their internal politics and powerstruggles really interesting: Manx choosing the candidate who served her own (and her grooms) interests over considering those of the guards seemed very political a thing to do - and realistic.
During the last few chapters I felt increasingly angry for poor Schuldig's treatment: practically everyone is so hard on him. Especially Cassandra >_< who seems to me always ready to reprimand but very seldom to comfort or at least counsel (when she's compassionate it's always thoughts but she doesn't show or act on it). When she knows he met his future mate (and failed to forsee the early arrival herself) and it's obvious (after all your detailed explanations about the mating-process with Yohji and Aya) that the parties involved - especially with a succubae-bound among them - are not exactly in their right minds and rational: what could she and the others expect when Schu and Masato get together in close space and Masato clueless as he is about the whole situation touches his future mate? Aside from getting laid?How is this any different from YxA where all were perfectly understanding? And Schuldig has no idea why he acts like this since his parents didn't tell him about his significant other to be... It's understandable how Yohji reacts but I hope he'll get a little more reasonable once he cooled down - and if Cass or Crawford really want to fix the breach between the friends they should tell Yotan perhaps about the possible mating: Yohji and Aya of all people should know how it affects clear thinking and reason above waisthigh ^_^
Right now Masato seems to act all along the lines of "possession" and "claim" and not much about more selfless emotions, there's no trace of actually caring for his partner - so I'm really glad Schu's is NOT givin in to him still. And Schuldig as you describe him here is definitely not the "weak", dependant Uke-type who wants and needs dominant treatment. Imo the guy has a lot of work before him until he deserves to claim Schuldig... No, I don't dislike him, I just think he doesn't appreciate Schu enough at the moment (to be his mate).
And there's the little fact that Schuldig who has never really been ASKED to help in this plan to overthrow Esstet and the Takatoris: I noticed that he is in fact the only bound who personally has nothing to gain from it - the others all have their own freedom or that of beloved one's at stake, personal grudge or want revenge. He seems to be the only one whose life was alright and unthreatened before and he still helps without question; and apparently none of his friends/relatives ever thought twice about it or appreciate it. They all seem to take him for granted. Perhaps he should simply leave the lot for a while, maybe the'll realise what they got in him then *evilgrin* and Masato could chase after him ^_~
I guess I just broke my record for longest review ever but I think your great story (epic? the length'd fit) is worth alot of praise, thinking and typing ^_^ Please keep up the good work. Ja ne | Reviewed By: Ice-is Blue [MediaMiner Member] On: June 09, 2003 16:27 CDT
Comment/Review:
^_^ Yay, there's more. *wants to cuddle Omittchi* I'm glad Omi and Nagi had their talk. Shu and Masato's didn't go so well though, but it was to be expected. I love that Botan lightly whacks Omi on the head for worring about things he already knows the answer to... I need one of him around. ^^; | Reviewed By: Omni-sama [MediaMiner Member] On: June 05, 2003 23:28 CDT
Comment/Review:
*sigh* I love you, Neko-chan... If I swung that way, I would ask you to marry me. Hell, I may just ask you anyway... *latches on to nekojita* All these updates make me sooooo happy!! *purrs like a kitty* In fact, you are inspiring me to actually finish the last chapter of that one fic arc I'm doin'... Hm.
How's this: you get another chapter up by next Weds (the 11th), and I'll finish up Alkaline Cross and post it next week (maybe even Weds! o.o). Deal? C'mon... You know you love me. *bats eyes* | Reviewed By: Ice-is Blue [MediaMiner Member] On: June 05, 2003 14:44 CDT
Comment/Review:
^_^ Thank you for posting these two chapters sooner rather than later. Made me very, very happy. I love the chaos and ruffled emotions that are stirred up by Masato. I'm glad Omi took the news well and I'm happy to have gotten into Nagi's head. The little telekinetic has grown a lot in his time at the Koneko, remembering his feelings for Omi even though he's desperately worried about Aya. I hope to see a lengthier scene between Nagi and Omi in the future. And I suspect that Shu and Masato might need to have a talk soon, too... Although events may be moving too swiftly to allow time for that, ne? I can see the both of them avoiding a relationship talk. Hmm... I'm wondering if the Prince brought Aya-chan with him or left her soul in a hidden location. Excellent writing, as always! | Reviewed By: Azra On: June 03, 2003 04:52 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Don't worry dear author, there's still many devouted people who despite the slowness of the site continue to read your awesome story!!!
Please continue to post new chapters, I'm really seeing forward to know how things would end!!!
A little request - please don't kill a lot of characters (except eivil one's) by the end!!! | Reviewed By: MookieNH [MediaMiner Member] On: June 01, 2003 18:58 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
As always, another great chapter.
The mix of intrigue, suspense, humor, and raw sensuality is well balanced.
Botan's inclusion in the little alliance was well portrayed, and the concept of a pseudo-sphere is an interesting idea.
Nothing but rave reviews for this story! | | Pages (10): [ « < 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 > » ] |
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