| "The Love Nest" Reviews/Comments [ 122 ] |
| Pages (9): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 › » ] |
Reviewed By: A-Z Mark II [MediaMiner Member] On: March 22, 2008 09:41 EDT
Comment/Review:
Haru got him before Naru even had a chance. Makes sense, given the state of the girls' relationship with him at this point. Also, it will be a favor to the other girls, since it will give them a better expereince. It is also agruable that he would not have understood the situation if one of the younger girls had tried to talk to him about it. With Haruka giving him the facts, he would be more inclined to listen to her and believe her. Kind of surprised me that Haruka was a virgin, though.
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Reviewed By: peregrine829 [MediaMiner Member] On: March 21, 2008 23:30 EDT
Comment/Review:
Well, THAT was unexpected. A secret tryst with Haruka? Kudos for incorporating such a rare pairing.
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Reviewed By: Bastion83 On: March 05, 2008 11:32 EST
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
not one for numberical ratings but I'm so happy to finally see this fic continued. When I first started reading it was only the various girl's scrolls and I was worried it wouldnt continue, especially since the picture painted was so erotic. marvelous work and please keep it up.
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Title: chapter 12's moving development
Reviewed By: zantaz [MediaMiner Member] On: February 28, 2008 08:14 EST
Comment/Review:
nice to see an update. the niggling spelling errors remain, but story-wise this is a good chapter. The girls coming to terms easily enough with each other, and Naru taking the initiative regarding Keitaro are welcome changes. I am curious to see how each of the girls plan to make up for the hell they've put Keitaro through before (besides the loads of coupling they're planning with him). I do hope that potion gives Keitaro a stamina/endurance level-up, or Keitaro might need to get energy drinks stockpiled. Would be interesting to see what other effects the potions have especially on Keitaro. Keep up the good work and keep it coming.
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Reviewed By: peregrine829 [MediaMiner Member] On: February 23, 2008 23:38 EST
Comment/Review:
Great chapter. But get someone to beta for you. There are quite a few small errors (sempia/sempai, lue/lieu, etc) which detract from the overall quality of your work.
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Title: Good Setup
Reviewed By: dragon_cloud16 [MediaMiner Member] On: February 21, 2008 22:42 EST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Its great how you got all the girls admitting their desires like that. But with Keitaro being who he is, he's probably going to pass out when Kitsune's plan is revealed to him. But then again, he could be stronger then that. Its good to see a update so soon after your last one and I hope that you'll get to a point that you'll have a good schedule soon.
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Title: Great!!!
Reviewed By: Sicksorrow On: February 21, 2008 21:26 EST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Finally an update!!! This is awesome so far keep up the good work!!
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Title: Building
Reviewed By: A-Z Mark II [MediaMiner Member] On: February 21, 2008 19:06 EST
Comment/Review:
Now that the girls are on the same page, all we have left before the sex commences is getting Keitaro on the same page. After reading the scroll he was left, I don't think that should be overly...hard. (RIMSHOT!) Anyway, though such development is rarely as enjoyable as actual smut, it is necessary, and I like how you handled the main interlock on the girls' side in only one short chapter. Excellent.
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Reviewed By: Suic On: February 17, 2008 08:03 EST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This is one of the most enjoyable Fics i have evre read. There are only a few who make me want to read further and never stop.
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Title: The lemon juicer
Reviewed By: zantaz [MediaMiner Member] On: February 12, 2008 13:08 EST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 6 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Well, a long-awaited update (to me at least). The spelling and grammar here heavily needs rectification though in several places though. Makes me wonder if you'd been lacking a few days' sleep when writing this, man. If MediaMiner allows reposting of chapters, I would appreciate seeing this cleaned up spelling-wise and grammatically then reposted. Then could I rate this chapter's enjoyment factor better. Saying that the errors came from simple typos isn't an excuse to smash the enjoyment factor in a chapter of an otherwise totally solid fic. The scroll chapters weren't perfect, mind you but at least they had good story backgrounds and smooth flow without glaring errors. Story-wise, at least there's some progress albeit a little. I wonder how the girls would sort out the relationship between themselves now that they know (or accepted) that they desire Keitaro? Especially between Naru, Keitaro's sister and Motoko. And how will Keitaro act out his part in bringing the girls together? Will he propose to ALL of them first, then get to the bedsheet Olympics? Will there be big team events or single ones? Ouch, I'm ranting now. Hope the next chapters are more consistent. Keep up the hard work.
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Reviewed By: sailorvista [MediaMiner Member] On: February 10, 2008 23:15 EST
Comment/Review:
great new chapter can not wait to see what Haurka is going to do. An what the girls are going to do while Keitaro is out.
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Title: New Chapters
Reviewed By: A-Z Mark II [MediaMiner Member] On: February 08, 2008 11:55 EST
Comment/Review:
Good to see the two chapters up, though, sadly, I see that MM.O has butchered the formatting again. That is an annoying problem. But, as for the material, it is developing nicely. With the scrolls having been read and new options opening for the house, the main body of the plot is now free to take off. I had hoped for Keitaro to get a little 'relief', but I can't complain about the development stages, since they support the necessary growth of the personalities. Without the development and growth cycles of each of the main characters, this would come off as an extremely improbable scenario. But, with proper care and development, it is progressing nicely. Well Done!
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Reviewed By: dragon_cloud16 [MediaMiner Member] On: February 07, 2008 21:04 EST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
This is a good fic with a interesting way of making the girls stay with Keitaro. But whats up with Haruka, I know that she wasn't apart of Hina's plan like the way she's acting right now. But still, only a minor gripe about your grammar but still a good fic and a good chapter. I can't wait to see how they'll act when they realize that Keitaro has slept with them individually. I hope that you'll get the next chapter out soon. And by that, I mean in the next month give or take a day or two.
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Title: The lemon juicer
Reviewed By: zantaz [MediaMiner Member] On: February 03, 2008 11:56 EST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Keep up the work, will be watching for update. PS: formerly known as MK
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Reviewed By: MK On: February 03, 2008 11:38 EST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Interesting story. Just found the story recently, and i must say it's the most enjoyable Love Hina story i've read in a long while. The concept is sound, the introductions are well-thought of. The biggest gripe about Love Hina i've had, both the series and fanfiction is how Keitaro flip-flops between one and the other, or that the series tantalizes yet doesn't conclude on a strong note. In the end, the girls beside Naru are merely background props. I like the fact that this story attempts to resolve some of those problems by making ALL of the girls stay together as his. Why trouble and hurt when all can stay together? Paradise-like indeed. I'm not one against polygamy myself, as long as all wives get along with each other and seeing how the girls are godd friends, the possibility is there. Not to mention the LEMON possibilities are huge (insert sinister laughter here). The buildup does tend to make the reader expect some great lemony stuff after the girls have resolved their issues with themselves and Keitaro. Also, Kitsune (Mitsune)'s background story is fantastic. This is the first story i've seen that puts her as a woman of such history (ex-adult video star?). Big points for originality there. The scrolls themselves are well-written and presented, and i like the idea of Grandma Hina finally lending a hand to Keitaro. In the series, it seemed as if she tossed him into the fray and left him to fend for himself. The only cons in the story are the rather slow pacing and the shortness of the scenes after the girls read their scroll. A bit too tantalizing and clifffhanger-like for my taste. I guess all this is build-up for the rest of the lemony stuff, but one can't help but expect HUGE loads of lemon after the playing field has been laid out. A good build-up nonetheless, and it doesn't leave loose ends yet in terms of characterization of the girls and their feelings/desires. I'm looking forward to the interaction between the girls and Keitaro and when they let down/break through all the barriers between each other (pun not intended). Keep up the great work.
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| Pages (9): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 › » ] |
