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| "Broken" Reviews/Comments [ 78 ] | | Pages (6): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 5 6 › » ] | Reviewed By: yurathewicked [MediaMiner Member] On: September 04, 2005 12:25 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
omg this is so good! i love you! i read through chapter 19 in one day, and now im totally looking forward to chapter 21. whats gonna happen in konoha? im so excited! youre really good at writing action sequences, so i know the battle scene will be great. ill probably come back and read some of your stuff when im trying to write some battle scenes of my own (just for reference). thanks so much for such a great story! ill be looking out for the next chapter for sure.
| Reviewed By: bookworm51485 On: September 04, 2005 12:08 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
I always get so excited when I see your story has been updated. I LOVE IT!!!! It's so cute with Sasuke and Naruto and him being scared to tell him he loves him. And Neji screwing with him. For a chapter you had trouble writing I thought it turned out good. Wasn't really expecting what's happening to happen, kinda just figured that he would go home and his friends would be happy to see him but most other people would hate him/try to kill him. But this definately makes things more interesting. I went to aff.net but for some reason even though it says that a new chapter was posted only 19 are there. Don't know if thats a mistake with the site or just something with me but you might want to try to fix that if other people are having the same trouble. Anyways good job, update soon and dont forget about the other story because it's really good too:D
| Reviewed By: shikonjewl On: August 27, 2005 12:15 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
haha you made another chapter yessss
| Reviewed By: shikonjewl On: August 26, 2005 20:15 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
this is the best fanfic i have read in a long time make a sequal.....make another installment but damnit do soemthing please
| Title: The novel needs an Sequel
Reviewed By: Konohajin On: August 22, 2005 11:00 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
When I realized that the Chapter 18 was the last installment, I was disappointed. You ended everything with no conclusions. So it's like watching a movie and stepping out of the cinema clueless. I suggest strongly that you write a sequel. Some kind of conclusion must be given to explain the development of the attraction arising between Sasuke and Naruto. Moreover, Some conflicts are not yet resolved, such as the reaction of Konoha if Naruto were to come back. Also, the fact that you brought Itachi and Kisame into the picture, providing a new conflict, you might as well continue the novel. Don't leave me and other readers hanging, I believe that this is one very original story that I'll be thinking about for a long time.
| Reviewed By: Konohajin On: August 18, 2005 06:17 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
This is a very interesting fanfic. A little violent, but the bloodshed is absolutely necessary for the story. And for once, it doesn't linger on sex, and how it is enjoyed, but rather the story has a dubious and restrained approach to passionate sex. I liked the way how Heroin was introduced and how the side effects were thoroughly explained. However, some words in wrong spelling could confuse readers, so I advise the use of a spell-checker. But the grammar and composition has improved in the recent chapters. You have a very intriguing story, and a brutal originality. And for the first time, I'm actually liking Sasuke-kun... Kudos and I hope you have more inspiration to continue this novel.
| Reviewed By: rhea On: August 16, 2005 03:46 CDT
Comment/Review:
Omg, i had to choke back a sob of happiness for that last part. Good for Sasuke! You keep putting points both for and against Sasuke and i didn't know if i should hate him or feel sorry for him, but the abuse from Gai's team really made me sway for just feeling that he had been abused just for being himself. Awesome chapter, i really, really, wanna see what happens next so keep writing!!
| Reviewed By: wobbly On: August 12, 2005 13:15 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Good god, you are good! I was stuck in front of the computer for 12 hours straight, reading your fanfic, I really hope that you update and continue this story! =) ^^
| Reviewed By: Adan11 On: August 08, 2005 19:17 CDT
Comment/Review:
Wow. This story is amazing! I really think that editting that one chapter helped it a lot. And I love it that you brought Itachi in! I love him! The only thing I would suggest isn't that important. But you use "did not" and "is not" a lot, and if you combine them to didn't or isn't it might make it flow better and make it easier to read. But that's the only thing I would change. ^_^ Great story and update soon! *love* ~Adan
| Title: OH NO
Reviewed By: Choi sama On: August 07, 2005 14:00 CDT
Comment/Review:
My review got cut off. I am extremely pissed. It basically said, good job on using the Akatsuki, because they've the conspiracy thing down. Besides, it's a good way to have Sasuke/Intachi conflict. (Does a "/" indicate romance? Because it doesn't have to be.) (Romance, I mean.)
| Title: PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE...
Reviewed By: Choi sama On: August 07, 2005 13:54 CDT
Comment/Review:
Could you delete this? Please?! Title: WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S OVER?! Reviewed By: Choi-sama On: July 09, 2005 19:04 CDT I'll pay, or write five more reviews, or dance around and kiss your feet... Just please, please make it stop! I was in Korea, see. Didn't have a chance to practice English. Ugh, I just feel so nasty every time I read that thing! So please! Also, I just read through pretty much all your reviews, and there was the one where they asked you how the other genin, Tsunande, etc. are feeling about the whole Kyuubi/Naruto/Sasuke/Sound thing. It brought up some good and valuable points. Including the rest of Konohakure is and exellent way to add depth and dimension to the story. But, why Kiba?! And Ten-Ten?! (Lee and Gai are just plain AWESOME, so I'll let that slide. Plus Neji... everyone likes Neji... -__- Dosteh?) If I were you (and I'm not, just a hobo living in a hole in the ground), I'd ditch the minor characters and bring in some important people, or underexplored people that would, uh, fit in. Or, just ditch teams and stick in the cool people. Besides, I think they stop doing teams after becoming jounin? (Please don't take my word for it. I'm usually wrong.) Anyway, think about who you want to write about. I'm rooting for Kakashi, Ero-senin, and Rock Lee. Oh, and Kabuto! I know the Sound thing is supposed to be over or whatever (what with Orochimaru... dead?!), but Kabuto is my favorite! No one ever writes about him. TT__TT He could punch one of the Akatsuki an | Reviewed By: Choi sama On: August 07, 2005 13:20 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Wow, you keep improving with every chapter! Probably the best part of this chapter was the balloon thing, haha. True to life, man. True to life. PS: I've never taken that much drug, but aren't seizures in general a little... different? A lot different? Hmm, probably not.
| Reviewed By: rhea On: August 07, 2005 07:29 CDT
Comment/Review:
Oh this just keeps getting better and better. i love it, keep writing!!
| Reviewed By: crzyboachic [MediaMiner Member] On: August 06, 2005 17:47 CDT
Comment/Review:
This was really good. But do you have to add Itachi and the others? Poor Naruto has already suffered
| Title: Well...
Reviewed By: The Ever-Lethargic Choi-sama On: August 04, 2005 11:44 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
What can I say? You have dedication... No late oir half-asses updates... Your chapters are always long and interesting... There were some truly awesome fight scenes... I mean, this is a really good story! So, why the mediocre rating? Well, sometimes your dialouge can be a little... I'll say queer, for lack of a better word. (Sorry, I'm Korean, so... yeah!) Mostly, it just takes practice and reading over your own writing, but here are two quick tips. One, use "don't" instead of "do not." Two, don't use dialouge to explain, because real people don't have an audience anticipating their every move/action/word/whatever! Just, try to keep things true to life, and keep in mind that these guys are pretty much Japanese! It doesn't hurt to read up on the type of things they say in the cannon, how teens nowadays talk... It's all about research, really. =)
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