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| "Busy Lives" Reviews/Comments [ 695 ] | | Pages (47): [ « ‹ 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 › » ] | Reviewed By: Daman 388 [MediaMiner Member] On: March 03, 2004 05:17 CST
Comment/Review:
dag gommit tina, i told you to get better not get yourself sick again.......i always have to take care of you, you can't be trusted by yourself tina-chan.... btw, lovely chappie. GO RIN!!!!!!
| Reviewed By: Tangy_Lemon On: March 02, 2004 20:01 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
hey your fic is really kick ass! : ) its very interesting and you GOTTA update it soon! bleh! i wanna see some inu/kaff fluff!!!! and when's the lemon comin in? im just wondering! update soon! ^^;;;
| Reviewed By: Biganimefan1 [MediaMiner Member] On: March 01, 2004 20:48 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
aww I loved it when Shippo said that sess and inu are perverts
| Reviewed By: DBZ Lover [MediaMiner Member] On: February 28, 2004 15:09 CST
Comment/Review:
Great chapter! Hope you update soon!
| Reviewed By: Orb (not online) On: February 28, 2004 09:59 CST
Comment/Review:
I'm so addicted to this story. It's so cute. oooo sess-chan likes Rin lol. I know what you mean about it, I had some stomach thing to, I can't eat or move it suxxors big time. I hope you can update soon, and stay away from that tapioca
| Reviewed By: ZeroSaotome [MediaMiner Member] On: February 28, 2004 08:19 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Gah, it's done? .::^.^::. Noooo. Um, lol, I really like the plotline and whatnot, but it seems like it's not moving all too well. It needs to be more fluid, not just saying what's going on. Where's the drama? Where's the love? Where's the gratuitous sex scene betweeen Inuyasha and Kagome? Lol. I'd ask where the perversity was, but we all know. *coughs* The nightly outfit changes are hilarious. ^_~ But yeah, if you put some more substance into your fic instead of just setting up everything slowly, it'll be a lot better. It's good now, but it's got potential, as do you, and I'm sure you wouldn't want any of it to go to waste. Um, oh man, this comment's long so I'm gonna go. ^_^;; I can't wait to read the next chapter!! Ja-ne!! -Zero Saotome-
| Reviewed By: RedHerring [MediaMiner Member] On: February 28, 2004 07:50 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 1 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 3 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 4 of 10
Overall Rating: 4 of 10 Comment/Review:
It's a little... I dunno... bland. It's like you're just writing the motions of people, and there's not really a story behind it. At the moment the only plot is getting them together, and I can't tell you how many times I've seen that one. The only interesting thing about this story is Kagome overworking herself. It kind of got boring when she got out of the Hospital. You don't even have very many descriptions, and there's no character development./////////////// Creative paragraph tags make the story a bit more interesting. Instead of "He said" "She said" all the time you can have them explode, chirp, question, announce, growl, whisper, denounce, rave, or rant./////////////////// Describing little actions of confusion--besides blinking, I mean everyone blinks-- like scratching the back of their head, averting their eyes, playing with a necklace, chewing on a knuckle, tapping a foot, rubbing their hands together, shifting nervously, constantly moving their hands, playing with their tie, playing with their sleeves, playing with their jacket stuff like that. ////////////// You also need to spend more time describing things. Like: what does Inuyasha's apartment look like? What does the day care look like? How's the weather? What did Kagome see when she walked in on Inuyasha? (i know you told us what happened, but tell us the details like: the state of mind of them both, what the boxers looked like, what Inuyasha's body looked like, what a sleepy Kagome thought of said body, if Inuyasha even notices Kagome's presence, what he thinks of her in his cloths with her hair rumpled.... etc.) What does Inuyasha's room look like? Was it just me, or did they not eat breakfast? What did Sesshomaur's house look like? What does the bar look like? What does the sky look like on a Kag/Inu moment? Things like that don't need to be described, but it makes the story a whole lot more pleasent to read. Lack of creative writing in the story means lack of interest from the reader. ///////////////// Besides all of that, you need to make sure that there are no typos or spelling mistakes. Make sure you use good grammar, and make sure your readers know weather you're writing in Omnipotent Thrid person, or Intamate third person. There is a difference and "Chri" on fanfiction.net has a web page with some really helpful essays on Mary Sue-ism, perspectives, Baby Writer syndrome, and other things. You should take a look at them.
| Reviewed By: KatGrrrrl99 On: February 27, 2004 18:08 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This is good!!! Keep it up!!!
| Reviewed By: DBZ Lover [MediaMiner Member] On: February 27, 2004 14:20 CST
Comment/Review:
I KNEW IT! I knew she was gonna faint! Awww...Inu was so sweet to let her stay there and sleep in his bed and stuff. Great chapter, update soon!
| Reviewed By: Orb (not online) On: February 27, 2004 10:07 CST
Comment/Review:
Yay two chapter! this is great. I'm at home sick again. It's so terrible, I can't even move without coughing up a lung. I should probably be in bed tho lol. My day has been made a lot less crappy cuz I got to read your story lol. I hope you can put up some new addition, things are getting interesting
| Reviewed By: Biganimefan1 [MediaMiner Member] On: February 26, 2004 22:44 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
oh two chaps in one day i fell so lucky *puts on a supporting smile* keep up the good work! :D
| Reviewed By: haruka_tsuki_kou [MediaMiner Member] On: February 26, 2004 20:40 CST
Comment/Review:
Great job on the fic! I'm really enjoying it. Keep it up!
| Reviewed By: DBZ Lover [MediaMiner Member] On: February 26, 2004 19:14 CST
Comment/Review:
Damn, I am not going to be surprised one bit if she faints. Anywayz, hope you hurry up with the next chapter soon!
| Reviewed By: OneHotMinute On: February 26, 2004 15:31 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
I really liked the fanfic. The plot was pretty good and I really like your writing style. Usually I don't like A/U but this one was really good. Keep it up, I can't wait 'till the next chapter.
| Reviewed By: Orb [MediaMiner Member] On: February 25, 2004 16:55 CST
Comment/Review:
w00t!! This was a great chapter!! The angt of Inu ahd Kagome is freaking me out tho!! I hope they can hook up soon. And its so sad how Kagome works, shes going to ahve a break down sooner or later :
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