| "Seductive Embrace" Reviews/Comments [ 157 ] |
| Pages (11): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 › » ] |
Title: Review Chapter Six
Reviewed By: Kin-chan Pandun [MediaMiner Member] On: June 23, 2005 21:07 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Yay, for another chapter! Once again, you have surpassed my expectations. I totally loved the chapter and the character interactions therein. ... A few format-type errors I'd like to point out. ONE: It appears as if youare missing part of the story when Shippou is in the foyer of the youkai mansion, thinking. It goes: "Shippo was even more sure that he wouldn't have even survived if it hadn't been for her acceptance of him and the introduction to" and it just ends with "to" and there's a line break and it goes on, in a new paragraph, to say: "Shippo's attention was directed towards the staircase when he heard the sound of footsteps." Because of the way this is written, I'm thinking you meant to indicate he was interrupted in his thought processes. If I'm right, I would suggest you insert a hyphen (that's the little dash like this: "-"). A hyphen is what authors usually use to do so. If that's not what happened, then I suggest you either put in what's missing, or take a look at the flow of your story. TWO: When Kagome leaves Genkai's dojo, you have her bowing "respectively" instead of "respectfully". "Respectively" is used to correlate a series of nouns with a series of adjectives or verbs, indicating that they correlate in order, so that the first adjective applies to the first noun, the second adjective to the second noun, so on and so forth. Gah. This review is getting too long. I'll continue it in another one.
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Title: Review Chapter Five
Reviewed By: Kin-chan Pandun [MediaMiner Member] On: June 23, 2005 20:31 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Sorry I wasn't able to review sooner. My internet access is a bit sporadic. Anywho, thank you for another wonderful chapter.It was well-written (like always *gives teasing nudge*) and extremely enjoyable. Shippou's flashback was artfully delivered, and my only questions in regards to that is if Shippou will have any long-bourne residual anger directed at Inuyasha and if he will be extremely protective/defensive of her against any prospective boyfriends. I would think that it's a "yes" for the latter, at least. ... I like what you had Kagome do for her day, and that you didn't make it uber-easy for her to reach Genkai's. My only concern is about her method of getting there. If I recall correctly, weren't there a bunch of steps up to the shrine? I think there are, but I'm not sure if they lead out to the road or not. maybe they start somewhere in the forest? ... I liked the Kagome/Hiei interaction. It was extremely in character (go you!) and I like how, even though Kagome now has a face to match the aura, they still know very little about each other. (thank you for well-developed, non hurried plotiness!). ... Please don't botch the Genkai/Kagome and Yukina/Kagome interactions (this request is precautionary only, I highly doubt you will do any such thing). ... Again, take care of yourself, because I want to see more of these chapters! Wonderful job, and keep 'em coming. ... ... ... Thank you again, Kin-chan Pandun
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Reviewed By: Anonymous0 On: June 22, 2005 20:56 PDT
Comment/Review:
Please update real soon. Great chapter. Hiei/Kurama/Kagome.
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Reviewed By: Kuramas gurl (what the hell, I was logged in a minuet ago!!!) On: June 22, 2005 12:59 PDT
Comment/Review:
good chappie, update soon please
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Reviewed By: juana-chan [MediaMiner Member] On: June 22, 2005 09:01 PDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
i can't wait for you to write another chappie!! keep it up!!! Ta!
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Reviewed By: Midnight Raven - [MediaMiner Member] On: June 22, 2005 08:42 PDT
Comment/Review:
Shippou better not die. He deserves to live. Anyway most likely I don't think he will die. Please update soon. It would be such an awful thing if the story was discontinued.
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Reviewed By: Fox Vixen [MediaMiner Member] On: June 22, 2005 08:30 PDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
i love it update soon.
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Reviewed By: Ryukotsusei [MediaMiner Member] On: June 21, 2005 23:44 PDT
Comment/Review:
Very good chapter, Hiei falling into stalker mode is amusing. I wonder how long it will be until their next conversation. Kagome definitely has a way of twisting the truth to suit her purposes lol Update soon please.
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Title: Chibes
Reviewed By: Chibes [MediaMiner Member] On: June 17, 2005 00:26 PDT
Comment/Review:
NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!SHIPPPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Great story I just hope Kagome doesn'tfall for the suductress's evil plan. Shippo doesn't die does he? I love the fox, **cuddles him** So can I guess what happens, Kagome saves Shippo from evil lady and gets caught but evil lady's powers don'twork because of the Shikon no Tama. Sorry its my bad habbit to guess what will happen, that means I've gotten into it.
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Title: Seductive Embrace
Reviewed By: Megan Consoer [MediaMiner Member] On: June 16, 2005 18:37 PDT
Comment/Review:
I really like this story alot. Can you write some more chapters? Can the pairing be Kurama, Hiei, and Kagome?
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Title: um... please be hiei/kag
Reviewed By: starwind327 [MediaMiner Member] On: June 16, 2005 12:33 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
lol. i must admit - enjoyment factor - pretty high. lol. i am just hoping she ends up with hiei - way too many k/k fics out there.
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Reviewed By: tbiris(not logged in) On: June 15, 2005 15:42 PDT
Comment/Review:
that was an interesting encounter...
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Reviewed By: TheAlmightyAya-sama! (too lazy to log in...) On: June 15, 2005 15:16 PDT
Comment/Review:
I love it, please continue!
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Reviewed By: juana-chan [MediaMiner Member] On: June 15, 2005 14:04 PDT
Comment/Review:
whatever you do in your story, don't kill shippo!!! i love that little fox! i feel bad for him right now. anyways, great story! ^^ keep it up!
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Reviewed By: lsjghsrkdfhj On: June 15, 2005 08:55 PDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
AHH I can't wait for you to update again.
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| Pages (11): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 › » ] |
