| "She Who the Prophecy Foretold" Reviews/Comments [ 489 ] |
| Pages (33): [ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 › » ] |
Title: Constructive Criticism
Reviewed By: starflower1204 On: March 23, 2015 20:55 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 5 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
First, let me say I read "What Your Eyes Can Do" before this and
this is how I came to know your writing. (Juicy story btw. I liked
it.) I think the style of writing was good, but it did get sloppy
at times and these times frequented nearly each chapter. Sesshomaru
wouldn't be caught involved in any sort of PDA because 1) it is
below him 2) he comes from a conservative time and was raised a
certain way 3) he is ancient in years 4) Kagome would look like a
whore. More reasons for the style of writing rating, at times it
was very repetitive (including overused phrases) and there were
some parts that I found very inconsequential (for example I skipped
large sections of the Kagura/Naraku/Kouga bits and it didn't affect
the main story line one bit). Anothing thing was that I noticed you
greatly lack knowledge of Japan and Japanese culture. Western pens,
Victoria's Secret, and chocolate chip cookies aren't Japanese.
Victoria's Secret doesn't even exist in Japan, and ingredients to
make chocolate chip cookies aren't readily available in the
kitchen. I also saw Kagome as entirely too spendthrifty. I was
under the impression Kagome was very securely middle-class and
quite a normal girl before her 15th birthday. These were the flaws
I noticed as the story continued (although the beginning was
great). I also noticed the characters went in and out of character
very often. Things that they would do/say I would never imagine
them to do/say. The characters are already there and there is no
real re-inventing them. Also at times, you made me feel like you
yourself were a virgin. As a serious writer, you can't hop between
1st, 2nd, and 3rd person in your work. It detracts from the story
as a whole. I realize that is also a grammar issue but it was so
prevalent I think it's your "style" which shouts through your
writing as "amateur." A great writer never actually enters the
story they are writing. Overall I think it was average. Spelling
and Grammar: 6: you were very careless and I found multiple
careless errors in each chapter. In addition to incorrect words
(like "They" instead of "The"), I noticed you do not have a firm
grasp between "then" and "than," and it drove me batty each time
you used "then instead of "than." "Then" is a place in time. "Than"
is in comparison; in no way are these two words alike except in
spelling. I also noticed "it's" vs. "its" were sometimes an issue.
Also you only used periods and commas when other punctuation might
have been used in place. In the future, it would do you good to
re-read your work sentence by sentence starting from the end to the
beginning. Originality: 8: I did feel you were quite original but I
think you lacked greatly when it came to Sesshomaru's pups. I never
knew who was who. A few paragraphs each of his pups would have
helped the reader really know the characters better. Enjoyment: 9:
I liked it a lot. I think with the corrections made it would prove
to be a very powerful piece of writing even if you don't get paid
for it. It was a great way to pass the time after my bf and I took
"a break." My overall rating is 7 because of the other ratings. 7
is fair. It is a decent amount of writing and it shows you like
writing and you care about writing but it also shows you are a
careless writer. I think if you correct these errors you could
write something for a living. The key to a good piece of work is
the education you give to yourself to make the story most
convincing. I think my critique is harsh at times but it's not
without reason. If this piece of work is one of your babies as I
think it is, you should want to correct these errors. Do not be
offended by my criticism, I just pointed out what I know was wrong
with it. I'm a professional photographer and I know how to give and
take good, effective critiques.
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Title: next chapter
Reviewed By: lauradaisy20 On: January 03, 2015 20:42 EST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
i have not finished reading this story so far yet i love it so much
it is amazing i was wondering to you have anymore chapters after
chapter 79 if so i would love to be able to finish reading this
story i love the story line and the plot it is so amazing thank you
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Reviewed By: KaoriHigurashi [MediaMiner Member] On: April 14, 2013 16:09 EDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I know I'm looking forward to you feeling up to continuing this! You're an inspiration, Sunset, and I hope you're doing well these days. This is a good fic, and I've really enjoyed it. Making Hojo nutso was a really nice touch. |
Reviewed By: Silence Midnight On: April 02, 2013 13:13 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!! This is really a good Story about Sessy and Kago!!!! I like those stories and it was only luck to find these. I looked ohn google for pictures of Inuyoukais and found the picture of KAgome and the seven pups:) There was the link to your Story and it had cost me three days to read the whole stoy. It was so amazing!!! Funny, embarrassing, lovey-dovey, mysterious and just great!!!! Hope you will start soon to complete this Story?! I haven´t read many fanfic´s, that are so good described and you really did a wonderful job!!!! Sometimes it was hard for me to understand what you were writing because I´m not so good at english but I had understand most likly of it. Well, I just start reading it again, because this is really a great story!! Hope to see the next chapter in the nearly future! Bye and enjoy writing thuch stories!!! |
Reviewed By: Lover_of_art On: January 16, 2013 02:16 EST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
God I pray you will come back to this story, there is a reson this story is on the the most read list on this site. |
Title: What happen
Reviewed By: kagomedarkjeart86 On: June 14, 2012 12:55 EDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I think you should finish the story it's 1 of the best stories I've ever read you need to finish it please it's a work of art needs to be finished |
Title: What happen
Reviewed By: kagomedarkjeart86 On: June 14, 2012 12:55 EDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I think you should finish the story it's 1 of the best stories I've ever read you need to finish it please it's a work of art needs to be finished |
Reviewed By: anonomous On: May 30, 2012 22:09 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
best fanfic i have EVER read.. but you havent updeted since 2008.. i read that you said it might be months, but its been years instead. i really hope you plan to continue. it was just getting to a great part and you left me with so much suspense!! |
Title: what arm?
Reviewed By: mgmt On: August 13, 2011 16:03 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
i am very confused in this chapter didnt you give sesshomaru back his arm? because now he does not have one |
Title: what arm?
Reviewed By: mgmt On: August 13, 2011 16:02 EDT
Comment/Review:
i am very confused in this chapter didnt you give sesshomaru back his arm? because now he does not have one |
Reviewed By: Kags521 [MediaMiner Member] On: September 12, 2010 11:37 EDT
Comment/Review:
WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!! This fanfic is really goood and I love it!!! I know you're takinqq a break, but I hope you update soon.!
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Reviewed By: arigato-chan On: September 06, 2010 23:15 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
The only reason i scored the author 9/10 on the two things is because I've been waiting for the author to finish the story for 2 years now. please hurry and finish
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Reviewed By: Chrystal-Hearts [MediaMiner Member] On: March 30, 2010 22:33 EDT
Comment/Review:
Please don't forget about this story, I haven't seen an update in a while.
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Reviewed By: nan_de_mo_chibi_otoko [MediaMiner Member] On: March 18, 2010 02:13 EDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Fabulous story, really enjoying it. Very sad to have noticed a two year gap from updates.. I understand changing lives.. hope maybe you finished it on some other site
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Title: When
Reviewed By: silence11 [MediaMiner Member] On: March 13, 2010 23:20 EST
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Comment/Review:
I was just wondering when you were going to update this story. i really like this one and would love to know how it ends.
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| Pages (33): [ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 › » ] |
