| "Indecent proposal" Reviews/Comments [ 225 ] |
| Pages (15): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 › » ] |
Reviewed By: Milareppa [MediaMiner Member] On: December 19, 2008 16:50 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 5 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 4 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Overall Rating: 4 of 10 Comment/Review:
Writing: It's nowhere near as bad as many fics out there - maybe tighten up the grammar to avoid some of those run on sentences (eg., "She asked bewildered her eyes opened wide."). However, you've got a solid foundation, and that's good. Originality/Creativity: I notice there's some standard romance devices (especially in terms of rivals). At the moment, I've got visions of Kagura becoming pregnant (sudden strange reactions to food in fanfictions always make me suspect the author is going down the pregnancy road). I'm hoping I'm wrong, because you've got a business-related mystery at work in the background that could work very well for the story's plot, especially as it's wreaking havoc with the relationship already. As a result, pregnancy wouldn't add very much to the story at all, and would take a lot away from the potential in this 'business rivalry' storyline that you definitely have. Enjoyment factor: The business storyline has me intrigued, although I'm not so certain about the romance aspects at the moment (which is where I feel the originality is suffering too). Summary: You've got potential, keep working at it. Good luck with the rest of the story! (and is it me, or does Sesshoumaru know, or at least suspect, Kagura's meeting with Ryukotsusei? Kagura's in trouble if he does know... on the other hand, I wouldn't put it past him to use her to spy on his rival. And suddenly I wonder if he's got a better relationship with Hitomi than Ryukotsusei realises? I can see their rivalry degenerating into corporate espionage - it's very lowdown and dirty for a Sesshoumaru with the manga-personality, but I can see it happening in this story). Being used in such a manner would definitely sour Kagura's attitude towards Sesshoumaru, being the free wind and all that. :)
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Reviewed By: Zetsuii [MediaMiner Member] On: December 15, 2008 21:16 CST
Comment/Review:
oh yay...inuyasha not in trouble..was worried he had some antics up with kagome...but i loved the couch scene and slamming of the door...i could just hear that happening...cant wait for the next chapter...i know its going to be good XD
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Reviewed By: Fireheart125 On: December 15, 2008 19:53 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Nice job~ Very ummmmmmmm O-O;; detailed?
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Reviewed By: unistar [MediaMiner Member] On: December 14, 2008 17:09 CST
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
great update... seems that the vacations over... looks like the trouble has started... but nice that inuyasha & kagome are together now... and kagura & sesshoumaru are still trying to understand their feelings... what's next... update when you can... please and thank you...
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Reviewed By: Sovereignty [MediaMiner Member] On: December 14, 2008 04:24 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Wonderfull chapter!!! (I have the cold at the moment... poor me...) The wind sorceress then looked at Sesshomarou, who was pacing the room in his underwear and was on the phone. "No, but somebody certainly will" Sesshomarou said with red tainted eyes, on a cold tone that sent shivers down Kagura's spine. "He did what?!... No he has gone too far. I want to make him pay for what he did. This time we are out for blood!" Sesshomarou had hissed his words on such a threatening tone, that it made Kagura shiver. (me too) Rin smiled and skipped happily to the living room. But before she could sit on the couch Kagura muffled a scream. "Rin honey, wouldn't you rather sit on the armchair? Or better yet, why don't you sit in the kitchen? I'll get you something to drink. Yeah fruit juice, you must be thirsty!" Kagura asked with an uncomfortable smile. "No it's okay Rin is not thirsty" the little girl said surprised. "No no I insist. I'll get you a drink" Kagura said with a nervous smile. Sesshomarou wanted to ask Kagura what was wrong with her, but after taking a sniff of the room, he frowned as his sensitive nose told him about everything that had transpired the previous night between Inuyasha and Kagome. Even if Rin could not smell it, he gently took his daughter's hand and quickly led her to the safety of the kitchen, where they would be waiting for Kagura to get ready.
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Reviewed By: Brandospands [MediaMiner Member] On: December 14, 2008 00:58 CST
Comment/Review:
Of course I didnt want Inuyasha to get hurt I love Inuyasha lol I just thought of him for some reason.And I totally didnt expect for Kagura to find him and Kagome on the couch lol. But anyways I like the new chapter. It really showed how close they got in their relationship. That is sad they have to be away from each other for a week :(. But I cant wait for the next chapter keep up the great work :D
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Reviewed By: Liesie [MediaMiner Member] On: December 13, 2008 23:01 CST
Comment/Review:
Inuyasha and Kagome did the nasty on Kagura's couch! roflmao I about died when she had to shoo Rin into the kitchen to save her innocent butt from the defiled sofa.
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Reviewed By: Bre' Auna On: December 10, 2008 15:08 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
loved it very detailed i felt it to my toes. very good job. and you are very welcomed i meant every word in my last review.i wander whats next.....?
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Reviewed By: Sovereignty [MediaMiner Member] On: December 10, 2008 02:26 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
another great chapter... Why is my name in blue??? I saw that this one was a lemon and I chose to read it at home... probably a very good idea too... `One night with him, and I'm all clingy, really pathetic!' she told herself. great line... this one too "Hum, so we are back to profanities? And just yesterday you were begging and calling me your lord" Sesshomarou said with a smirk. and this one too "Hum okay. Is it something serious? Did someone get hurt or something?" Kagura asked as she got up to take a shower. "No, but somebody certainly will" Sesshomarou said with red tainted eyes, on a cold tone that sent shivers down Kagura's spine. very scary...
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Reviewed By: Liesie [MediaMiner Member] On: December 09, 2008 23:58 CST
Comment/Review:
The lemon was enjoyable, but you have manageg to do what few writers have eer accoplished: I am officially more interested in the plot than mindless smut. I can't wait for the next chapter! Sesshy's gonna open up a can of whup-ass on someone. >:-]
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Reviewed By: Brandospands [MediaMiner Member] On: December 09, 2008 19:54 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Wow what a great chapter! I loved it very much especially when he told her to remember what they promised lol I laughed so hard. I would have loved to see her face when she remembered. And I totally thought of Inuyasha when he said somebody is going to get hurt lol. anyways good luck on finals mine are next week :S. And Keep up the awesome work with the story I cant wait to read more! :D
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Reviewed By: unistar [MediaMiner Member] On: December 09, 2008 19:52 CST
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
great update... seems that sesshoumaru & kagura finally had their night... things were going well until that phone call... wonder what all the situation is all about... what's next... update when you can... please and thank you...
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Reviewed By: Zetsuii [MediaMiner Member] On: December 09, 2008 18:37 CST
Comment/Review:
for some reason I imagine him beating the crap out of Inuyasha when he said that...heheh...funny thought...but thanks for the lemony goodness makes me want a sesshoumaru for myself...XD cant wait for the next chapter...good luck on your finals I cant wait till they are over myself
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Reviewed By: Fireheart125 On: December 09, 2008 16:25 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Yay for lemon~!!!! ;D Love the chapter and good luck on your finals!! x]
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Reviewed By: Fireheart125 On: December 08, 2008 21:10 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
My Gosh you are one of the greatest writers on mediaminer XD Keep up the Excellent story~!!!
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